where to begin. yes, i wanted to meet new girls because i never hang out with any of the girls that are in my phone anymore and my friends are busy with their stuff like hanging out with their friends or hanging out with their chick friends. why i never hang out with the girls i knew? because sometime in my life i just effed up with them, like having feelings for them, or turning them down when they had 'em for me. haha. fate, karma, or whatever the hell controls our lives is sooo effed up sometimes because last weekend my parent's friends from the kingdom hall came over with their daugther and her cousins to swim and socialize.
well one of the cousins saw me and happened to like me i guess? ugh, none of them are my type, haha whatever you think that means. is it bad that you don't like the people that you attract? it makes me feel so unattractive or like i'm doing something wrong. so shoot me for saying that.
add to that my effed up parents. i got a psycho mom who thinks this religion is the only thing, who wants me in it so i don't die in armageddon. so i'm playing "pretend being a spiritual brother" right now, studying and keeping the daily text at my desk.
add to that i've got an effed up dad who's always "socializing" with the little girls at the kingdom hall. god, i don't want it to be like that and i pray it isn't. he hasn't exactly lived a clean life in his time. he cheated on my mom, he knew it was bad but it was what he wanted to do in life. all of his relatives did that in his family. today, those girls from the hall came over to swim again and i saw him out there with them when i came home from work. add to that he told me today that one of 'em likes me by word of their aunt. i just look at the way he acted tonight and it pisses me off.
i dreamed about the girl again last tonight, we were just together. i want her out of my head. bad. but for a moment i swore it wasn't her, she had the same name, almost looked like her, but didn't act the same at all. but i want to stay friends. i want everything to just be good. would you call the dreams a nightmare? atleast i don't have dreams of death anymore.
sometimes i just wanna hurry up with my life and make things right. like be an awesome dad, get my kids to college. sometimes i feel like my life has already failed with this fucked up family. i look at my other friends. god, i envy them. but i'll keep trying as long as i live. thats one thing that i think about sometimes, how good a parent would i be? i want to be a mentor. but i think it takes more than that.
my mind is drained now. oh yea, did i mention i'd like to meet new girls, maybe pretty ones? shoot me. i ask for too much? i'm going to college in 2 months, maybe i should just shut the hell up, grin and bare. i hate being short also. i can't work out right now because im afraid i might mess this stitch up thats in my back, so i'm not eating much, so i'm feeling like crap, but i'm staying slim at the sametime. i stay slim to feel secure about myself.
ok my mind is drained now and i sound crazy.
i have lots of thoughts.ooohhh god
by tsunami_rid3r 14 Replies latest jw friends
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tsunami_rid3r
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misspeaches
Hey T.S.
Your such a thinker! Oh boy if I had so many thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head at once like you I don't know how'd I cope.
In an ideal world we could skip all the crappola that life deals out to and have our own familys, learn from the parental units mistakes and show them just how its done. But trust me. Sometimes its good to go through the crappola. It makes you a stronger person. And if you really do want to mentor someone it helps so much if you've faught some battles of your own.
I have no doubt that you know what you want do and can achieve. Just don't lose the dream darl.
Remember that there are people here who understand exactly what you are going through. People want to help. Even if its just a listening ear.
Take Care...
Miss Peaches
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horrible life
TS
in 2 months, your world will change. When you go to college, you will meet people from beyond your zone. Your world will grow much much larger. Please give school the attention it deserves. Then go meet girls. There are wonderful "worldly" girls out there, with a career and future in mind. Pick one. There will be many to choose from. Don't settle for anything less.
Start packing, 2 months will pass very quickly. People are waiting for you. Please tell me you are going away to college! And not living at home! AAACK Horrible Life Want yours to be better.
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tsunami_rid3r
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/93758/2.ashx
also refer to that topic please as i need help with that. -
damselfly
Tsunami, it breaks my heart to read your posts sometimes. Please just hang in there. When I was 17 & 18 I had a lot of the same thoughts going thru my mind and speaking from my personal experience the more I thought about them the worse I got.It wasn't until I left home that I was able to start to put things into perspective. Things will get better once you get to college and put a little distance between your old life and your new life.
Damselfly
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squinks
Rider,
I think you will be alright. Maybe we could have a competition called Most Crappy Family. But you learn to overcome and DAMN that feels GOOD. You are young and need time for nature to finish your development. My family was slow to grow physically. My daughter grew almost three inches after starting college. Also your brain isn't finished yet. Try to be patient. College is like kindergarten. Everybody is wanting to make new friends and so friendships are easier to get started.
You are in the midst of a huge transition and it is normal to feel they way you feel. Don't worry it will be ok.
Deb
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tsunami_rid3r
ok the girl just called me again. kinda hard when you're to have nothing to do with her because you think shes using you. talked for like an hour about, she told me we need to go to houston because friends over there miss us. i just said thats too far and i'm poor. sad, shes the only girl that calls me like that too. just out of the blue. and i love that.
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RichieRich
Relax.
Seriously. that's all I can say.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill and tying to coreograph very spontaeneous things.
Relax.
In crunkness, RR
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G Money
It will happen soon enough, maybe when you least expect it, just get out there. Its really a numbers game, the more people you meet, the higher the odds. Just 4-6 months ago I wasn't really meeting anybody new and all of the sudden I have more girls than I know what to do with.
Get out of the house and live life and have fun and it will all come to you soon. -
Preston
I'm mostly concerned about your health man, how thin are you now?
My only advice to you right now is to eat donuts....lots of them...that is all.
- Preston