misspeaches
JoinedAll about me! Lets see now...************ I gave up smoking at the age of three when my mother converted to be a JW. She used to smoke and let me have the last couple of puffs of the cigarette. So good health to me from there on in!!************ I grew up sad and friendless. No wordly association NO WAY! And then my dad never was a JW so we were also ostricised by the other loving children in our congregation. Must have had leprosy or something, they sure treated us like we did.************* Couldn't wait to have my independence. I moved out of home as soon as I could and faithfully attended meetings. Moved interstate still faithfully attending meetings & going witnessing. ************** People started to treat me strange, here I was in my mid 20's never had a boyfriend. What possibly could be wrong with me. I must have had some terrible deformity or secret or something. Well you would think that was the case judging by peoples reactions. I had however developed some allegedly real friends by this stage however.******************* I moved back to my home town and was starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. I had my friends, I was still going to meetings, but now I was dreading them. I hated them. I didn't want to be there. I felt like a fraud going there. I felt like I didn't belong. And then there was that ever growing feeling of how I never was doing enough and wasn't a good enough person fit to be saved after Armageddon. How could Jehovah want someone as hopeless as me.************* I was depressed. VERY DEPRESSED. ************** I made the decision that I couldn't deal with it anymore. I was at my most depressed when doing anything JW related. And so I told my mum (one of the hardest things of my life) that I wasn't going any more. At this stage I still believed.************ Fast forward 18 months, I finally decide to google Jehovah's Witnesses. Until this stage I had been to scared. I found this site amongst a whole bunch of others. And my eyes were opened.************* I grieved. I mourned because my entire belief structure fell apart instantly. I was lost and didn't know where to turn. Then came the anger. I was angry for a long time. I wanted revenge. (But never sought it)**************** Today I've grown. I've grown a lot in a very short time. I know who I am. I know what I like. I am developing interests. I've got social skills. I'm better organised. Most importantly - I'm the happiest I've been my whole life. I have a successful career, I'm getting married, I have wonderful friends. That would do anything for me. (The ones from my JW days shun me even though I am a fader.)*************** If I can offer any advice to people who have newly exited the organisation, be they faders, disphellowshipped or disassociated... Time is your best friend. Just ride the wave. It will get rough, it will get angry, but at the end you will know who you are. You will learn to love yourself. And thats the best accomplishment of all. Once you love yourself everything else falls into place.************ Love to you all!