to all parents..please please answer... (page 4)

MerryMagdalene

Gotcha--

I find your hypotheticals quite troubling and sad...

As parents, of course we want the very best for our children but, even if I were to believe with 100% certainty that I know what that is and isn't, I can't imagine choosing for my daughter doing what I thought right and being miserable over doing something I disagree with and being happy, or, worse yet, choosing death for her rather than allow her to make mistakes and a "mess" of her life.

As gut-wrenching and heart-breaking as it can be to watch a child do so, I would never wish to add to that by rejecting her. Alive, there is always hope: messes can be cleaned up, sins can be forgiven, mistakes can be learned from, amends can be made. But dead? Game over. And even if you believe it preferable that someone you love die before Armageddon so that they can be resurrected, that is no guarantee that your child will chose any differently then.

So I say live and let live. Focus on the kind of love that is stronger than fear and stronger than prejudice.

--Merry

mkr32208

How about this; I just want my daughters to be happy!

Aude_Sapere

even if u were sure she was just destroying herself....would u still want her to live and continue making a mess out of her life?

Yes. It is her life, afterall. And she gets to live with the rewards and/or consequences of her decisions. I still respect the individual and would love my child (away in his/her own home, if the lifestyle and choices disturbed my personal sensitivities.) -Aude.

lisaBObeesa

thank you to all who have answered..im really a confused person right now...im just trying to see from a parent's point of view..i wonder why what's happening is so very much different from the responses i got.

Gotcha, are YOU the daughter?

gotcha

yes i am.

thanks for the responses..

frenchbabyface

I've read this topic, didn't fell like to comment at first to it but actually I feel concerned somehow :

Lots of thing have been already said and of course I agree (Not our buisiness) but still It's weird as somehow I think that we most of the time feel more objective (seing things from the outside) on our kids (and friends) situation, but that's the thing : from outside ... love in between two people still includes more than that or different kind of love, means other feelings and needs all together ... I'm not that happy with my son's choice as I feel like he loves her way more than she does (and it hurts me, cause a plus I know the feeling !!!) but then again I have to remember that she is very immature and that they have so much in common to share that there must be more than one reason why they are still together ... Also I remember myself just as it took me 11 years going from every kind of feeling for one guy ... from a lover to a friend (only big and too much bullshit got me out somehow sooner than I thought - must have been kind of strong and for lots of reason not even related to him but lots of things and décision I have made at that time for myself) because we had so much in common (past and present at that time - some things that I fell only him could understand and the only one I knew I could share with) now 7 years later after we broke I only can tell that for sure I've loved him way more than he did ... but that just made me stronger and more aware of my real needs (I have no regret about my ways, and what I've put in this relationship = to me it's his loss finally ...) and I know more about what I don't want anymore in a relationship (if no good balance= just stay friend as cool as it can be) ... nobody could have made that experience for me, I had to go trough it ...

Fleur

(((((((((gotcha))))))))))

I don't have to think hard about this at all. I have a daughter.

Nothing she could ever do would make me stop loving her. A mother's love, a father's love...should be unconditional.

I want my daughter to have a healthy life, free of addictions and suffering...I want her to follow her dreams, and be who she was born to be. She does not belong to me, she was born as the person she was meant to be. Her personality was already in there, I truly believe it. A parent can guide and encourage and nurture a child, but who they are at their heart is there from birth.

I want my daughter to grow up and be with someone who will love her, treat her with respect, and build a life with her. If that person is a woman, so be it. If it's a man, that's fine too.

I love her. period. her orientation whatever it turns out to be will not be all of who she is, just another part of her life like the color of her eyes. It just is.

I am sorry for your pain...wish I could give you a hug...

essie

TheEdge

1) If she was happy and in love with a man (and who loved her dearly) who had an unsuitable past - I would be happy for her.

2) If she was gay, it wouldn't make any difference - as long as she was happy. I have no prejudice against sexual orientation.

3) Drug addiction must be a terrible slow death, for the addict AND for the family - I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

4) Being alone is not a bad thing - some people prefer it. It would be better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship - you never know what's around the corner !

kitties_and_horses_oh_my!

Gotcha,

Dear woman, I'm sorry you're going through this. Please feel free to PM me anytime. I have a dear friend who goes back and forth from Mormon to wiccan, from straight to bi. (I know, quite a variation, but I think she's not so unlike exjws, feels what she thinks she should be and it conflicts with who she really is.) When she found out that I knew she was bi she cried, she kept asking me all night if I still loved her. It was so painful to me to see her going through this. How could I not love her? Not "in spite" of her being bi, but because she is who she is and the orientation does not matter! Dear Gotcha, people who truly love you will always love you. My parents don't talk to me, and it kills me, but I know they still love me. Sometimes people will treat you poorly b/c they don't understand how to deal with their own biases and conflicting emotions. In the end, though, you will still be in their hearts. Not much comfort, I know - but the truth is that not everyone will accept you or your choices. So they will always love you, but they may not be able to accept you. That's when it comes down to you accepting you and making the decisions that are right for you. The jw's preach against this - how dare you do something for YOU?? - but that's bs. You have this life, make the best of it. We have moments of joy, moments of happiness, and all you can do is enjoy them when they come and be grateful. Living your life in someone else's image of what it should be will not bring you more joy or happiness.

Best wishes, Kitties

LittleToe

Gotcha:Hey you, it's been an age since I last saw you around!!!
It sounds like you're going through the ringer, at the moment
It sounds as if you need to surround yourself with friends who will affirm you as a worthwhile human being. Parents aren't always in hte best place to do this, especially when things are coloured by their personal expectations.
(((hugs)))
Ross.

Kitties:Good to see ya posting again
I hope you can see that you have something to contribute, even if you might sometimes feel it's little. Each of us are at different stages and hence are able to offer something different to the melting pot!
(((hugs)))

to all parents..please please answer...

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