The original hurt continues to hurt. It resurfaces even when attempting to communicate our shunning feelings on this forum, for example. Majority of people here do not wish to talk about these negative feelings. They do not know how to validate or support the feelings of someone who is hurting. I?ve tried to talk about my feelings of being shunned. Rather than experiencing a healing, my feelings of isolation are further intensified, when I realize that I can?t even keep the thread alive past one page. I feel shunned even by my fellow posters in this way. My shunning pain continues. How do I heal? I do not know
I can understand how this shunning feeling can get triggered here when there are few posts. The only thing I can offer here is that in my experience people don't post in my threads because they are heavy and as one person said "thought provoking" People need to go away and think about it before they say anything. And believe me I have plenty of topics here that don't go beyond one page. In fact some have only 1 or 2 and even 0 responses.
Separate the lack of response from your reactions. The lack of posts is not a reflection of your worth or value here. That is part of the black and white thinking. There in fact might be many different reasons people do not respond. (colors of gray or rainbow)
In fact if you really look at this board the heavy threads don't get a lot but the fluff sure does - no thought required. Remember too that you are dealing with a lot of people who after years of being a JW are not used to thinking (not a criticism but reality)
The feelings of abandonment come into play. When I get sucked into those feelings takes me bit to crawl out . Have to do self talk that this is today and not something in the past. It has taken alot work on my part to get to this point.
Closure is important to me. Being shunned not having the opportunity to be heard about what had happen. Is unfinished business for me. One of the final pieces of closure is dealing with my jw ex-mother -inlaw. She has not clue.
Self-talk is an excellent tool crow. Sometimes it is hard to do. Once the emotions take over rational thought is often out the window. I have found that a good cry or rant helps reduce the emotion enoug that I can start thinking again. It sure isn't easy though. In time you will get what you need because I know you don't give up
Thank you so much for your kind words of support. I cried as I read your responses to everyone. You are such a gift to us on this forum. Please keep us posted as to the progress of your support business that you posted about at a previous date. I feel sure you will be very successful because of your compassion and empathy for people.
So take a look at what you didn't get growing up or what was missing. Was that need met when you first were in contact with the JWs. That might be a key to what needs it filled.
Maybe one of the "hook" to the organization was being amongst all the people going the same way. To be sure this is not hindering me i first changed my nickname from "allinclusive" as this is a reminder to those "all inclusive" trips to international conventions - which i enjoyed very much.
So i choose "mineralogist", even if i'm not one. (But we all liked to collect stones sometimes, right?)
wb minerologist. Rebirth is reclaiming who we really are - a great thing to do. Feeling special - chosen - that sense of belonging to a "right" path are huge hooks.
And collecting stones is great as long as it isn't a millstone around our necks lol. Seems you just exchanged your millstones for something a lot lighter
Estee - not much response yet but these things take time - thank you
Lady Lee: You said it all so well. It was true for me, that I thought at the time, that getting "out" would fix my life. Oh contrare, life only became more complicated. It took me over 20 years MORE of my life to face the things I had to face and finally learn how to live life in a healthy way emotionally. In between, I lived in spiritual limbo, guilt and much psycological distress.
It feels so good to have more control over my thought patterns, so that the JW thing is a part of my past where it belongs. Because of my mom, I still have to deal with it, but I deal with it in a healthy and reasonable way now. It wasn't easy, but I "made it happen". I struggled until I got a handle on my life and it has made all the difference. I feel loved now. I feel worthy. I trust myself.
I stopped attending meetings in May and was disfellowshipped in September this year. The whole situation was unreal - as I had approached the elders first about the problem I was having with depression - and the only elder who came and sat by my bedside was re-assigned as a special pioneer to a rural (and far, far away) territory.
I am still angry and hurt. I have been brought up in the truth since I was 5 and have always told the elders exactly what I was feeling or doing (my mistake - I should have been dissembling - along with the others).
Now I am in "the world" I feel like a baby with a missing layer of skin - I am so innocent to this "world" and everything - I am starting over - with absolutely everything.
I just need to talk to other people that would understand this.
well it seems to me that you have been going through a hard time. But you have found a place where you will get a lot of support. Some people here are still JWs but many if not most have left. Some like you recently and others, like me a long time ago.
You are not alone. There are many people here who have suffered depression only to be ignored in their congregations. Here you will be free to speak about your anger and hurt. Many will listen and share with you.
You will also find out a lot of information about this organization that are unfamiliar to you like the Mexico -Malawi scandal and cover-up. I found a link at
