The Program Within

by Lady Lee 42 Replies latest members private

• 

  Allinclusive

  .......They programmed the words. They programmed the fears. They programmed a version of reality that gave them control over us.

  That is so true - and hard to give up. Also the influence many bible-quotes had on my giving-up selfconfidence, even though i know now they have been interpreted in the wrong way.

  .......I belive that those who convert to the WTS as adults have some important need being filled

  You are suggested to find out the reason for it. I converted as an adult and MUST come to know why. Otherwise i am frightened this could happen again with another group. For me it is very important at the moment - as i just started to fade - to proof the "truth" to be not "truth" (sorry for the buzz-words) so i won't look back.
• 

  wednesday

  Yes, i have been aware for some time that my experiences within the WTS have left me with a PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). If being counseled at work, i react emotinoally as if i were siitng in front of a JC meeting. It is a devastaing experience. It can make holding a job difficult, b/c getting counsled or fired happens to all of us at one time or another.It reminds me of what book Victor Frankel wrote of his experiences in nazi concentration camps. He said, some of the surviors did not fare as well as others. Some were so bitter and hurt, that they flet in essence that life now had to make up for what had happened to them and they then were embittered . He said some were so hurt they then tried to hurt others in different ways, not realizing the source of their pain. Of course he survived without this happening to him by believing in someting other than himself and having hope and something to live for.

  It is not easy to leave the high control group of jws, esp if u have ever been "disciplined". Even "worldly" people think that if u were "kicked out of your chruch" u must be a bad person. (at least that has been my experience in the Bible belt area)U just go on thinking u are a bad person. And i found myself reacitng in work situations as if i were on trial for my life.Just another example of JWS black and white thinking.

  weds
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  mizpah

  My wife and I spent many years in the Watchtower Society. We have also experienced the conditioning of the organization and the heartbreak of losing loved ones when we left. But we also found that it does no good to continue to dwell on the losses and the pain. As Christians we are taught to forgive and to go on with life.

  If we "love God" and "love our neighbor" we'll find other outlets for our good works. But if we remain introverted by our own needs and wants we will fail to find purpose and fulfillment in our lives. Perhaps, by losing ourselves in helping others, we'll actually find ourselves.
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  zion sleeping

  LADY LEE, I DO ENJOY READING YOUR POST! THE INFO YOU POSTED ON SPITURAL ABUSE WAS ALSO GOOD. THANKS FOR THE INFO AND KEEP IT COMING
• 

  ESTEE

  Good thread Lady Lee! Much appreciated!

  For those of us who are shunned by active JWs, few of us ever got an opportunity to be heard about what had happened. And for some kind of closure to happen it is essential that we find some way to express our feelings. The WTS society denies this.

  Yes, the WTS denies this by their shunning rule. We are not allowed to speak with any jw about the abuse. The cult thus ensures their survival. They further ensure our self-destruction if we were to continue in the same mentality, namely believing that the WTS is the TruthTM. The only way to survive leaving the cult is to deprogram ourselves and live in a new and different way. . The WTS attempts to cripple us upon our exit. We do not need to give them that power over us. We may choose to reclaim our own personal power and find a new healthy way to live our lives. Replace the old beliefs.

  Until the original hurt is resolved it can become one of those experiences that relives itself until real resolution to the original hurt is found.

  The original hurt continues to hurt. It resurfaces even when attempting to communicate our shunning feelings on this forum, for example. Majority of people here do not wish to talk about these negative feelings. They do not know how to validate or support the feelings of someone who is hurting. I?ve tried to talk about my feelings of being shunned. Rather than experiencing a healing, my feelings of isolation are further intensified, when I realize that I can?t even keep the thread alive past one page. I feel shunned even by my fellow posters in this way. My shunning pain continues. How do I heal? I do not know.

  And sadly because for so many of us the original hurt, shunning, is an on-going problem in our lives it becomes difficult to get resolution.

  Yes, I feel shunned at various times. Misunderstandings arise where someone breaks plans -- and I feel abandoned. Logically, I tell myself that I am caught in the shunning ?baggage? ? I simply do not know how to separate out the reality from the flashback. And I continue to hurt.

  ESTEE
• 

  oldcrowwoman

  

  (((LadyLee)))

  Thanks for the info. Helps me with awareness of having threads to the org still in certain ways.

  At times I noticed that I use the words. Like WORLD. I catch myself using them. It was pointed out on a support group exjw recently. That it triggered off feelings for that person. I realize how ingrained it is.

  The feelings of abandonment come into play. When I get sucked into those feelings takes me bit to crawl out . Have to do self talk that this is today and not something in the past. It has taken alot work on my part to get to this point.

  Closure is important to me. Being shunned not having the opportunity to be heard about what had happen. Is unfinished business for me. One of the final pieces of closure is dealing with my jw ex-mother -inlaw. She has not clue.

  Thanks LadyLee !!

  Butterflies remind us to be aware of the stages of transformation in our lives, to honor ourselves for our accomplishments, and to be aware of what we wish to create or change in our lives and hold a clear, high vision of its fulfillment. They also teach us the importance of movement, we can use spontaeous dance to help us break free of patterns we may be stuck in and get the energy flowing for creative and joyful change.

  

  All the Best, Old Crow
• 

  Lady Lee

  allinclusive

  That is so true - and hard to give up. Also the influence many bible-quotes had on my giving-up selfconfidence, even though i know now they have been interpreted in the wrong way.

  Now that you know some of their errors you can claim those that work FOR you instead of against you

  You are suggested to find out the reason for it. I converted as an adult and MUST come to know why. Otherwise i am frightened this could happen again with another group. For me it is very important at the moment - as i just started to fade - to proof the "truth" to be not "truth" (sorry for the buzz-words) so i won't look back.

  I know that feeling like I was wanted, like I belonged somewhere was crucial for me. I got that when I went to meetings in the beginning. I think we need to look at what it gave us a special good feeling in the very beginning. What was the "hook" for you?

  I also know that belonging was important to me because I had been abandonded so many times as a child when my mother left or when she sent me to foster care. I spent many years growing up away from my family. It left a hole that the JWs filled.

  I also know I desperately needed my mother to accept me and if becoming a JW got her acceptance I was willing to do it.

  So take a look at what you didn't get growing up or what was missing. Was that need met when you first were in contact with the JWs. That might be a key to what needs it filled.

  For some it wasn't the childhood but rather some recent problems in life - a move across country to a place where you know no one? loss of a job? death of a loved one? What was going on in your life and how did they fill the need?

  We are all so unique so there is no real formula. But I know the need I had to belong and to be accepted was still there after I left because after the initial phase of contact with the JWs soon their ability to fulfill needs disappears and you become the one who takes care of their needs - to sell books
• 

  Lady Lee

  Wednesday

  It is not easy to leave the high control group of jws, esp if u have ever been "disciplined". Even "worldly" people think that if u were "kicked out of your chruch" u must be a bad person. (at least that has been my experience in the Bible belt area)U just go on thinking u are a bad person. And i found myself reacitng in work situations as if i were on trial for my life.Just another example of JWS black and white thinking.

  Exactly Wed. The way the JW treat people can be traumatic especially for those of us who were previously traumatized. One trauma piles on top of another and the reacions all become compounded. All the more reason for some of us to get therapy after we leave.
• 

  Lady Lee

  Mizpah

  My wife and I spent many years in the Watchtower Society. We have also experienced the conditioning of the organization and the heartbreak of losing loved ones when we left. But we also found that it does no good to continue to dwell on the losses and the pain. As Christians we are taught to forgive and to go on with life.

  If we "love God" and "love our neighbor" we'll find other outlets for our good works. But if we remain introverted by our own needs and wants we will fail to find purpose and fulfillment in our lives. Perhaps, by losing ourselves in helping others, we'll actually find ourselves.

  If that is working for you then wonderful. It just isn't that simple for some of us
• 

  Lady Lee

  Zion sleeping

  LADY LEE, I DO ENJOY READING YOUR POST! THE INFO YOU POSTED ON SPITURAL ABUSE WAS ALSO GOOD. THANKS FOR THE INFO AND KEEP IT COMING

  Thank you