Growing up a gay Jehovah's Witness (My Life Story)

by m0nk3y 263 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Jeremiah Lee

  First of all Ricki, you don't even know me .. please refrain from rubbing yourself in my thread Jeremiah.

  Apologies, Monkey. But I'm not posting comments exclusively for your sake. There are hundreds of members registered on this forum lurking with many more coming in by way of the link found in your testimony on Watter's site. After reading the thread, I found several statements indicating theological bankruptcy. That's not meant as an insult but a valid observation. I tend to correct it where I see it.

  Also can I point out that practically 99.9% of christianity rejects a gay lifestyle .. it is looked upon as a detestable thing. I see no way that the bible can be misinterpreted as to saying anything other short of gay ppl are living in sin and will not live forever/go to heaven blah blah bling bling blah. I personally find that christianity and gaysexuality don't mix ..

  I never implied that homosexuality and Christianity "mix". That is, they are not compatible with one another. My point being, Christianity is an escape from it (i.e. if you're convicted and want it). My point being, one does not have to give up homosexuality to become a Christian. Once they are a Christian then they will have a desire to give it up.

  actually in general I don't think many things mix with christianity except for pointing out others flaws at your own stupid expense.

  So I therefore reject the bible or the so called founding god that it's words are wrapped around. I find that the amount of good that has been done in the name of the bible is far far FAR outweighed but the disgusting BADNESS thats has been done with it.

  Yet this is a fallacious argument. So if a baker, using a cookbook, bakes a cake that tastes like roasted dog, would you blame the cookbook or the one interpreting it's content?

  It basically appears as if you reject Christianity on a basis other than what Christianity is all about. That is, guilt by association to those who misinterpret it, misuse it etc,. If it's objective truths are what you consider "badness" then that is simply your subjective opinion.

  To be honest I don't see an awful lot of sense in it's pages .. anything good that is written in there is contradicted later on. In short - it's a feral peice of work.

  I find the complete opposite and I'm able to defend that view.

  In summery, all the elders did back in the days of my closetness was help to open my eyes early on .. It's not just about Jehovah's Witnesses to me .. all organised religion is full of monkey doo and I will have nothing more to do with it.

  I can understand your emotionally charged view of organized religion. But it's still skewed and it would benefit you to be more open to it. If no one else is interested in my comments, I'll take my leave. Thanks for your time.
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  Mysterious

  I want to thank you for sharing your story, it really helps me to hear from people like you that pulled through and I'm sure that it helps other people as well. Again thanks.
  

  I personally find that christianity and gaysexuality don't mix ..

  Hey everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just wanted to point out that some of christianity is no longer taking the hard line. I pulled your quote but I saw other people mention things as well I just wanted to share a few sites for people who are interested. I dont necessarily identify myself as christian, I'm still undecided, but I did do a fair bit of research on the subject.

  http://www.truluck.com/index.htm
  http://www.whosoever.org/bible/
  http://www.whosoeverministry.com/index.htm
  http://www.queerme.com/index.html
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  RAYZORBLADE

  Hey Jeremiah Lee, honestly, everything that you've written, has been written 'ad nauseum' before.

  nothing new.....

  The door is open, and I am holding it for you, awaiting your leave.

  Time to go.

  Hang out with the multitude of likemindedness. I'm sure you'll find comfort in conformity versus self-reliance.

  The bible keeps some folks, in a perpetual state of inertia.

  If and when you get a chance to visit Canada: why not check out the Bay of Fundie (oops, Fundy).

  Monkey: it never ends does it?
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  Daniel.J

  Dear Josh, I was looking through different sites and came across your story,and I can relate to it so much.

  I too was raised as a Jehovahs Witness as well as being gay, I kept this a secret until I was 28 years old.

  But it would be impossible to relate my absolute dispare within those 28 years,it would be very healing to

  talk to you more regarding these things.

  Thankyou for the inspiration

  RE Daniel
  
  
  
• 

  Satans little helper

  Josh,

  I've just spent the last hour reading this thread and I'm impressed you had the strength to come through all you have. Your story mirrors so many stories of kids that grew up in the dubs and struggled with feelings of imperfection and that feeling of shitting yourself every time you do anything seen as wrong because you think that god is going to get you for it. I found the guilt suffocating.

  It really makes my blood boil that people are so judgemental, especially towards gays as it's pretty damn obvious that it's more than just a lifestyle choice. Having said that I used to be one of the many judgemental dubs who thought that gays were all deviants and child molestors who deserved to die of aids. That's a bloody horrible thing to admit now but it was true, and I was convinced that I was right.

  What changed my mind? Dunno to be honest, probably just growing up and realising that most of what the JW's had to say was crap - I started to look at people and judge them for who they are rather than the labels that society sticks on them, realising that who someone sleeps with doesn't define their personality or self worth.

  The bible says that god hates gays, what would you rather, an imaginary friend who makes you feel guilty or a real friend who makes you feel loved?

  Steve

  ps, don't feed the trolls
• 

  Sheril

  Josh,

  I'm really impressed with your bravery at eventually coming out. It's really to bad that you had to go threw everything you did to finally figure out that he made you that way and that you are perfect as you are. I can understand the isolation you have felt from people who don't understand and are forbidden to ever understand. My hat goes off to you, for realizing how special you are and sharing your story for other gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people within the religion and everywhere who will someday if not already have to except and stand up for who they are.

  Cheers
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  jaredg

  Josh,

  That was a very touching story. I have nothing aganinst gay people but I don't associate with many gay people. I only have a couple gay friends. I want to thank you for your story because that is the first time I have been told what it's like to be homosexual. I'm sure words really can't express the amount of pain you endured. Thanks you for your insite. I believe it helps me to be a more compassionate person.

  I also want to commend you on your strength! In fact everyone on this board who has left the organization has had that moment where they had to be a strong person and just do what they had to do. I did, you did and many other people have. Once you make that move things get a whole lot better. Good luck!!

  Jared
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  bnThere

  Dearest Josh, Your story has brought an aching to my heart and many tears to my eyes. You are a very courageous young man, and a very precious possession of our God Jehovah. His love and tender mercies extend way beyond the limits set for it by imperfect people, including well meaning elders at times. I too have struggled all my life with being gay. I even saw my marriage fail because of it. Like you, I too gave out - gave up - concluding that Jah does not care and that a judgment of death was certain. Though I have returned to him with great agony, I still feel like that most days. Your intense anguish is something I can relate to very deeply. Jehovah does love us, but his hands are tied. He has a contract with Satan remember. Satan taunted that we would only serve him out of selfish gain. If Jehovah takes away OUR thorn in the flesh, he should then also have intervened in the deaths of Stephen, John the Baptist and that of Jesus Christ for that matter - and you well know where that would have got us... I completely understand your need for a man's tenderness, since I have my own yearning for what you say you have in your relationship now. I am not urging you to do anything other than to keep praying sincerely to our loving God. If you can't fix the gay thing this side of Armageddon, don't worry about it too much. You do not sound like a wicked man to me. You are merely broken by the curse of imperfection. Your creator will not condemn you to death because of an illness you can not control - as much as he would not condemn a fellow believer sitting in a wheel chair with a spine disorder. If you can't not be gay, then at least try to keep His other laws. Be honest, upright and kind. Show a genuine love for all people. Thank Him every day for the ransom paid by the precious blood of his son and avail yourself of his forgiveness. You will be in my prayers to Jehovah God from this day on my dear brother. May Jehovah show us mercy. With true Christian love, Your brother forever, Damon
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  Big Tex

  Damon that was a very kind and sincere reply. Forgive me, but you sound very lonely and somewhat sad. I couldn't help but notice you said you returned with 'great agony'. Did you return to Jehovah, or to Jehovah's Witnesses? It is a subtle but important difference. I can believe the Witnesses do not care, but I cannot accept that God wants you to be in agony. That goes against everything the Bible tells us about him.

  But Damon, your words to Josh also apply to you. If Jehovah would not murder Josh, then why would he feel differently toward you? Perhaps it is possible for you to be who you really are, and accept and love yourself while at the same time coming to believe Jehovah feels tender affection for you. I guess it makes me sad to see someone bear the tremendous weight of misery. I just don't think it has to be that way for you. You are entitled to find happiness in this life, just like anyone else.

  I don't want to tell you what to believe, but I will share with you a belief of mine: that God cares for us for who we are, not for what he wants us to be. I believe in a God who is inclusive, rather than exclusive. This is where the Witnesses and I parted ways after 18 years.

  Anyway, I'm sorry for sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong. Please stick around. You're welcome here.

  Chris
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  steve2

  Damon - I hope Josh does fix the gay thing this side of Armagedon by accepting himself exactly as he is. His sexuality is an important part of who he is.

  People who reject part of who they essentially are may well be more prone to mental illness. The condition you refer to of fighting or repressing your sexuality is known in psychiatric circles as "ego-dystonic homosexuality" which is fuelled by fundamentalist belief systems and leaves the individual hating himself. Little wonder that young gays and lesbians have higher rates of attempted and actual suicide compared to their heterosexual peers - they live in a world that overtly and - more frequently covertly - signals disapproval.

  I am an ex-JW and am gay (I first knew this when I was age 4 although I did not know what it was called). I am also a registered clinical psychologist who works with moderately and severely mentally unwell people, most of whom have strong schema of self-condemnation which fuels their mental illness and suicidal impulses.

  Building up one's self-acceptance and personal honesty are keys to good mental health. Repressing one's sexuality and allowing oneself to be bullied by fundamentalist teachings lead to clinical depression.

  Hey Josh - I hope you're still tuned in here. Don't buy the old self-hating line. Your sexuality is yours to be proud of, just as your heterosexual peers are proud of theirs! steve2