Thanks you guys...I read every post twice slowly. It was very helpful to me. I appreciate you all.
Eye I was so close to driving to Duluth last night you have no idea. But it was 8 already and I didn't wanna bang on your door at 1 in the morning. LOL
I instead spent a good time with myself. Took a walk in the cold night. Came online and talked to some nice people. Got some coco at Perkins and listened to a young couple behind me plot a divorce and thought to myself, hey they are having a shittier night than I am. Life can always be worse.
On my drive home my favorite song came on the radio. I managed to smile and do a little hippy girl dance while it played, and even managed to find a few points in the raging discussion with parents humorous. I just really needed a cool down time. And venting to all of you last night was a part of that cooling off period, so thank you for letting me rant and even supporting me while I was having a flash of immaturity.
And in away I am glad I didn't run away from home last night and stay away for a longer period of time, as I was planning, because I came home to find a letter from my dad on my bed. I feel like I should post it so I don't paint a picture that my parents are pure evil. I talk about them negatively more than I do positively and that's not fair. I also post this with the hope that some of you who have gone, and are going through this same situation with your famlies might get a littler glimmer of hope that things can work out, and you can come to an understanding with them.
Joni-
I'm sorry that I made you feel that I wasn't listing to you. I love you, and I want you to be happy. I want you to do whatever it is that will help you accomplish that. I am proud to have you as a daughter. I know you have a sharp mind and you can be whatever you set your heart to do. You and your sisters have all made me a happy and proud father. You've all given me something unique and special. Something, memories, moments, special laughter, special family things that me cherish what we have. Of all my children, you joanna, my youngest have made me laugh and enjoy life the most. I have spent more adult time with you than your sisters and have always held a special place for you in my heart. Above all else I want you to be happy and to feel good about yourself. Your happiness should not depend on your feeling that you need to do something to make me happpy because if you are content and satisfied with who you are then I am too.
Love, Pa.
While that letter made me cry, (this time more happily) it was the one I found under my door this morning from my mom that was perhaps the most eye opening, and healing to the troubled relationship she and I have had for a LONG time. I doubt this alone will fix anything, but there were a lot of things I have wanted to hear from her for a long time written.
My Joni-
I read Dad's note and I feel all the same things. I haven't told you enough how I love you and care for you. I'm afraid my critical nature has hurt you so many times, I'm so sorry for hurting you. I recognize it as a falw but I don't seem to improve. Please believe we do want you to find happiness. You have such an excellent mind, we are very proud of your accomplishments in school I know you are a good friend to those you know. I had such a good time talking with you about the movie the night before. I really enjoy hearing your insights and views. I love your deepness and questioning mind. I'm so sorry you don't feel appreciated-I am very wrong not to tell you more so that you can believe me when I say- I love you-
Mom.
It's a start. I have to write my own letter of appology as well now.
Again. Thanks to you all. I just wanted to post this (I know it was probably too much info) but I figured since you heard the first half of the battle in detail you needed to hear how it all turned out as well.
Much love to you all!