My family has been out (inactive – no meeting attendance or field service) for just over two years.
We’ve made many changes in our lives, including with our personal appearances (tattoos, piercings etc) that are a pretty obvious sign that we aren’t going back any time soon.
Our families went through a period of time about a year ago when they made a lot of threats – that if we left “the truth”, they wouldn’t even be able to share a meal with us, they would stay loyal to Jehovah etc. We were told by my mother in law that for her, it was as if we were disfellowshipped already, that’s why she doesn’t call too often. They told us in a letter that they would have to cut off association with us – but that they still wanted a relationship with their grandchildren, that we would have to “work out some type of arrangement”.
At that time, we made it clear that we loved them, that they could see our family whenever they wanted, but that our family comes as a “package deal”.
It seems that after that, they realized that their threats were not making us change our minds, and that they would not have a relationship with their grandchildren without my husband and I in the picture – and since then, it’s almost as if things are 100% normal between us. I have had the best relationship with my mother and sisters that I’ve ever had in my life, my in laws want to take us on vacation, etc.
I think if it were just my husband and I, our families would have pre-emptively shunned us a long time ago, but now that they have grandchildren, it’s not easy as they thought (which I sympathize with, I'm not a monster!).
It actually messes with my head and causes me more anxiety – I’m always just waiting for the next big blowup ... but that’s a topic for another thread!
Anyways ... what this thread is about, is whether or not it would be wise to let my children have a normal relationship with their grandparents and aunts. Their grandparents have never babysat them, and when we asked my sister to look after the kids for two hours while my husband and I went on a date – she brought her iPad and showed him all the Caleb videos, and afterwards he was saying “Jehovah doesn’t like this and that, that we need to say a prayer before meals, etc. My in laws continue to make a big show of praying before meals, and talking about Jehovah whenever they can.
We realized after that, that our family likely thinks that my husband and I are lost causes, but that there is still hope for our kids. That they will try to plant “seeds of truth” wherever they can, and hopefully one day, it will touch their heart.
It is quite a dilemma to be in. On one hand, it leaves my husband and I alone in raising our children, without “the village”, as it were. We have no support – no trusted friends or family to babysit, and give us small breaks here and there.
On the other hand, I am terrified that they if they get too close to our families, they will succeed in pulling them towards the organization, and everything that we have gone through to get where we are will have been for nothing.
I worry too, that it is only a matter of time before the governing body tells them to treat inactive ones as disfellowshipped, or something along those lines, and it will only be harder on our kids in the long run the closer they get to our families.
Are any of you in the same situation? How have you handled it?
TIA!