With friends and family still in I can't trashtalk the "arrangement" so I'm doing the opposite. I'm so energetic and giddy w/ anticpation ("I just know this is going to be such an important meeting we'll still be talking about it in the New System! I can just imagine. ' No, I wasn't even born yet, Job, so I wasn't at the Cedar Point meeting in 1922, but I WAS at the Annual Meeting in 2013 and it TOTALLY energized me for new opportunities of service!' ".
And if anybody else tries to talk sense to me and tells me not to get too excited, I'll remind them that "Expectation postponed makes the heart sick", and I know Jehovah wouldn't go to all this trouble to make these special arrangements if it was going to be just an extra-long meeting. ng. No, brothers, 'For everything there is a season', and I have a feeling that THIS MEETING is the reason we got all the new sound equipment and PA stuff for. The Faithful and Discreet Slave has an EXTRA-SPECIAL reason for making sure we all hear this vital information at the SAME TIME!"
Of course, we know it will all be a bunch hot air (except for the $$ pitch) but I'm hoping the obvious difference between my eager anticipation beforehand and my tight-lipped smile and downcast eyes and generally stiff behavior afterwards as we all shuffle out and I mumble in an unconvincing a monotone "Yes, it was most encouraging" might make some people wonder what all the fuss was about. Especially when I make a point of missing the next few meetings because I have a feeling I'm going to be REALLY tired. Sometimes what you DON'T say talks louder than what you DO say. Or so they say.
My other plan is to try to "encourage a brother who's feeling a little discouraged" as I "talk" (on my on my turned-off Smartphone) within earshot of all the members in my family (one at a time), using all the lamest-ass excuses I can think of and the smoothest used-car-dealer tones I can.
"Well, that's true, and I'm sorry that happened to you, it WAS wrong, but remember, the brothers ARE imperfect men so don't allow yourself to be stumbled...Yes, but the Faithful and Discreet Slave has told us we MUST obey, even if it seems to us not to make sense. Remember what happened to Korah! I'm sure he felt HE was in the right...Yes, we did believe thta, but that was OLD, Light, brother...Candace WHO? I never heard of her. How do you spell her last name? C-O-N-T-I? No, I haven't heard anybout any lawsuit about sexual abuse...Besides, I'm sure it's lies from Satan, anyway...No, the reason we've beenn encouraged so often about giving our best to Jehovah (including our matrial funds) is to support the Kindom building work...The new Bible Education Center in Warwick will be real witness to the entire community...Well, I don't know and I'm sure the brothers got a good price for the old factory buildings, but even still, costs for new construction are increasing every day, so...yes, that's true, many of the friends HAVE donated their time and money to help speed along the building work, but building materials for aproject of this magnitude aren't FREE, you know, so I'm sue there's still a sgnificant cost involved...they sold it for HOW MUCH money?..No, that has to be a misprint...That amount would almost pay for all the new building activity all by ITSELF, so tthat the brothrs wouldn't even need our donations, so that figure, wherever you got it, must be wrong. That's almost a BILLION dollars. No I'm sorry, I don't believe it...No, I'm not saying the New York Times LIED, but their sources may not be accurate...No, I'm not going to check the figure on worldy websites because that would show a lack of faith in the Slave...Well, brother, yes I understand where you're coming from but don't forget, Jehovah sees EVERYTHING, so if there should be some matter that should be handled differently, he's wasare of it, so why dodn't we leave it all in HIS hands, and in the meantime, do all WE can to show ourselves approved? Would you like to work in Field service with me on Saturday?...I understand, Jehovahs people are BUSY people and Satan tries to take up all our time with HIS Interests but at least consider it...Well, if you pray about it and keep busy in the work Jehovah has assignedus, I'm sure you'll realize that despite certain 'wrong predictions' as you call them, or the fact that SOME in the congregation who went out from us have brought reproach upon THEMSELVES for their bad conduct (but as the Apostle says, they were never OUR SORT anyway) despite all THAT, I'm sure you'll recognize that the tremndous worldwide growth in Jehovah's organization shows we have his blessing...Well, true, it may not be growing in THIS country but there certainly is a speeding up taking place when you look at the WORLDWIDE picture...Well, even if we're not keeping pace with the increase in population, we're STILL increasing in numbers overall, and that says SOMETHING, I think you'll agree...Yes, true Mormons and Muslims may have triple our growth, but then they aren't serving Jehovah and in his eyes a wondrous expansion is now taking place...Well, I have to go, now, brother, but its been really encouraging to talk with you so I hope you'll continue in prayer and keep up your meeting attendance and perhaps when the Circuit Overseer comes to town you could work with him. I know it would be encouraging for both of you. Have a great week and I'll see you at the meeting!"
If the family isn't retching into the sink by the time I hang up, nothing will reach the. Of course, they'll think I'm the most useless friend-of-Job ever but I can clear up that little misconception down the road. And of course, as someone with an appointed position, I'll keep the "brother's"name in strict confidence.
This also works at Starbucks or one of the benches in the mall, and I'd love to try it just within hearing range of a couple of our Pushcart Pioneers, then finish up with a self-satisfied grin to them as I pack it in--" 'Some as teachers, some as evangelizers'. We're all running the good race to the finish, sisters. I hope you get a study and I'll see you at the hall!" Br Encouragement, that's me!
...OUTLAW