By "understand" I mean in the sense of tolerance or sympathy as in, "I understand why you shun me even if I don't agree with it".
I am in the process of writing to my mum and dad with the intention of being completely honest. I am no longer going to tolerate their cultish behaviour.
I have been out for about 17 years. They have shunned me almost completely apart from the odd occasion when they have been able to play the "necessary family business" card.
When I was hospital they came to visit and acted as if we were a normal happy family. Since then not a word until I got a phone call last week to tell me an uncle had died. Dad said mum was asking after me and they thought about me a lot. I told him I was very disappointed they had not been in touch for months. My dad replied that they were happy I was going to be OK so they didn't feel it was necessary to be in touch. I said "thanks for letting me know" about my uncle and hung up on him. I didn't go to the funeral.
In my letter I intend to communicate the following..
1. Shunning will NEVER work - I will NEVER return to the Watchtower. Shunning is counter-productive.
2. I think it is appalling to shun a family member becasue they don't share your beliefs. Like every other normal parent I don't "understand" it or sympathise with their position.
3. I regret every hour of my childhood I was forced to sit through meetings rather than play and do things normal children do. I resent every time I was scolded or smacked for fidgeting or talking during long boring meetings and I deeply begrudge the countless hours I was dragged around from door-to-door.
Here is the offer I intend to make - Regular normal family contact or none at all. I will never attempt to undermine their trust in the Watchtower and they must never preach.
I am not grateful for their occasional communication and I have no interest in people who can switch relationships on and off at will.
17 years of playing their game has resulted in status quo. What is there to lose?