Seeking support during confusing and stressful 'cognitive dissonance'

by LHS123 32 Replies latest jw friends

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  TheListener

  LHS 123 be really really careful what you say to the elders. They won't have what's best for you in mind only what's best for the congregation. You may not want to give them any specifics as to why you feel the way you do. A lot of people use the stress and depression angle to slow down their meeting attendance and service time.

  Also remember that if you give the elders any specifics they will show you the WTS answer to that and expect you to accept that and move on. If you listen to them but continue to disagree they could take that as a willfully bad attitude.

  I was very careful what I told my wife as I faded away. I didn't want her running to the elders to turn me in.
• 

  FayeDunaway

  Oh honey I know, it's scary and there are so many HUGE uncertainties ahead, especially with your husband as a strong witness, eek. When I knew I wanted to leave the religion I was so desperate, I thought about leaving my husband and fighting for my kids later. But ultimately he chose me over the religion and followed me out. He eventually saw that it was just a great delusion, and had always had issues with the witness culture of pressure to conform and to keep up. But it was really scary for a while. Along the way I developed a relationship with Jesus, just by reading the bible on my own. He helped me find the right path and I will always be grateful!! My husband didn't follow me into my new church, but he's very happy to be living independently now of elders breathing on his neck :). He also is quite political. We don't talk about his spirituality, but he is happy and I don't pressure him to come the way I went. This will be a rocky path for you, but maybe he is seeing how they are treating your son and will choose family over cult as well. Read the bible together, especially the New Testament, without witness publications. Maybe this will open his eyes.
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  Awake at last

  What a lovely offer Mr Flipper to offer to chat on the phone with her. LHS123, Mr Flipper is one of the best people you can connect with, don't take the offer lightly.

  i agree with the people who suggested fading. If this is possible, it can be slow but not as life changing all at once. It is also a good solution if your daughter has gotten baptised already.

  Please read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz and take note of his attitude. He is not bitter or full of hate. In fact look for that in any ex JW things you read or watch or listen to on YouTube etc. JW Facts is good too as they use the WT's own publications to support what they are saying. But most importantly, follow the advice on the Brooklyn Bethel building which says, "Read God's Word The Holy Bible Daily". If we had all followed that piece of advice instead of reading the literature spewing out of that building, we would all have been much better off.

  There is a scripture which says, "Where two or three are gathered together in my name, I will be there with them". You know the one. Note the two or three gathered. Not large congregations, conventions, etc. Ray Franz discusses this in his books and that is what he did after being DF'd. He did not join another faith or start his own, but had meaningful discussions and Bible readings within small groups. Something to think about.

  All the advice from all the above commenters is worth your careful consideration. These people come from all over the world, so there are people on line all the time, whenever you can't sleep just do as I do and get on the forum. It is 2:15am here in Eastern Australia right now and I am on. I should be in bed but I am not. Others from the UK will be on now and the USA coming on soon. One thing that can be said for the organisation's unity is that no matter what part of the world we come from, we have all experienced the same things. The things the UK or USA people say, I can relate to. It is as if they are in my own cong.

  All the best and keep in touch with the forum.
• 

  truthseekeriam

  Great advise from everyone already. The only thing I can add is maybe you should follow your sons lead and get into some therapy yourself, it's has been extremely helpful for my young adults who struggle with many of the same things your son does.

  Many of us have been where you are so we understand the roller coaster of emotions and fears. Use this place to vent ( it helps)

  My thoughts are with you and your children.
• 

  Alive!

  Hi there,

  When I was reading the first few paragraphs of your post, it hit me that you could be a sister who has been very close to me.

  Your story, word for word could be written by her, with a few details changed. The difference being that she is still imprisoned within a congregation that leaves her for dead - she is in impeccable 'standing', is faithful and loyal, but no- one helps. I've been her only close friend and have supported her, listening over the years to stories of such horrible spiritual neglect towards her....and now she hasn't even got me. In her mind, I'm out of bounds.

  Your distressing story is being played out globally in one congregation after another.

  This is so wrong. And when cognitive dissonance kicks in, it feels like our minds will explode.

  You are not alone dear.

  As someone wrote on this forum 'at least now I know where to assign the insanity'.
• 

  whathehadas

  If you are not a good actor and you want to keep your sanity. Then I would strongly suggest to start building a exit strategy. The meetings are already getting to you, so it might be time to start declining in activity. You can use the depression or sick excuse that's been suggested. Sounds like your husband might not accept you, now that you know the real truth. I know you don't want to lose your family but at the same time you don't want to lose yourself. Life is short and time is precious. It's in your hands now
• 

  stuckinarut2

  Welcome !

  Everyone's posts have shared really great information and suggestions. We are all in this boat together, so please be assured of our sincere love and support.!!

  Just keep in mind too, that during this journey, you will go through a form of "grieving" .

  There will be the stages (which will vary for everyone) such as "denial", "anger"," acceptance" etc.... If you are in tune with these feelings as they hit you, you will not feel like anything is "your fault".

  You are a good person...you are NOT evil. You are simply interested in REAL TRUTH.

  What is the crime in that?
• 

  LisaRose

  I think a break sounds like a good idea right now. It's a lot to take in, isn't it? It will take time, but it's worth it.

  As far as apostate literature, I never understood why the Watch tower was so afraid of differing viewpoints. Truth should stand up to scrutiny, right? Now I know why they were so afraid, they don't have the truth and so much of the beliefs just don't stand up.

  Just remember than things are not true because we want them to be, or need them to be, or we invested our time, or missed opportunities. I was in for thirty two years from thirteen to forty five. It was hard to start over, but now I am glad I did.
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  fukitol

  Don't stress so much. Take this simple but wise advice from a former born in who has been through the mill and suffered it all: just pack up your bags and leave that rotten religion and all religion and never, ever look back. Its all baloney and priestcraft my friend, including every account of a so-called miracle in the Bible. Dump the lot, take your family, live your life and never look back.
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  LHS123

  hi everyone, feeling quite elated today, was totally depressed a few days ago but things are getting clearer and clearer. I really feel great by acknowledging and 'owning' my true opinions on various issues, instead of squashing doubts and going along with the party line. I don't feel guilty, I feel good and I am still praying and don't feel bad about my new honest opinions on some issues which are out of line with what the GB say I should believe - the arrogance! Thanks again for your support.