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SL
Seeking support during confusing and stressful 'cognitive dissonance'
by LHS123 32 Replies latest jw friends
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Tenacious
I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. Many of us on this forum have experienced very similar if not almost identical situations.
What has sustained me through many dark nights is Bible reading but specifically the Apostle Paul's letters to the different congregations. The peace of mind comes from his words contrasting sharply with Watchtower teachings. These readings have brought inner peace to me in that I know I have Jehovah's approval without having to abide by the WT rules, regulations, policies, teachings, and flat out distortions, misinterpretations, out of context citations, and deceitful words.
It's not all the same for everyone but please stay strong mentally by allowing yourself some breathing room to take it all in. Cognitive dissonance can be very painful and distressing the first few times you experience it but never lose hope that Jehovah God through Jesus' sacrifice approve of you and your sincere doubts. The WT cares about how many hours you put in service, how many meetings you miss, and how many comments you make. That's all hogwash you don't need to excel in these to have divine approval. This is what the WT uses to keep people spinning their wheels. They could never say "you guys have God's approval" otherwise the ruse would be up. They need to continue to push people to do as much as they can in order to need more and more from the WT. Witnesses push themselves and their families in order to get that nod from the WT as being worthy of life. That is so wrong yet YOU are one of the few that actually realize it. That means you are a smart, intuitive person who actually recognizes the WT for what it is. Remain strong for your family. If I may recommend a good reading to you. In Search of Christian Freedom by Ray Franz. Also, I would urgently encourage you to research "physiological conditioning" and you'll be surprised how the WT uses this very subtle method to keep the flock in line.
You have much support from people on these boards. Always remember that the "Truth" the real "Truth" can stand up to any scrutiny that comes its way. And in the end, it will remain the "Truth."
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FayeDunaway
LHS, believe me, most if not all, of us are NOT from satan. I can honestly tell you that since leaving the witnesses (and I did it slowly) and joining another church, I am a better, less selfish, more spiritual person. You sound very similar to me, with similar doubts. I used to read the context of scriptures too and saw how they twisted them to suit their own means. To me, the scriptures were much more beautiful IN their contexts! And their meanings were much more simple, and surprise, a whole lot more like 'christendom'.
Tell me, is your husband a witness and if so, what is he like? Is this the same husband you suffered abuse from, or is this your second marriage? If I was you I would definitely celebrate your sons 16 th birthday!! it sounds like your 14 year old may have already gotten baptized? She can still fade out too in either case. Try to encourage her to do things with friends from school, join a club etc. really, that is the most important thing for her right now.
Your life is about to get better! I am hoping your husband makes this easy for you by agreeing with you. Let us know. That will make a big difference. I managed to bring my whole immediate family with me and they are all happy to be out of it, and one of my children was 14 at the time and resistant to change. Then, she made a lot of friends at school and has a boyfriend and is so so glad to be out.
Holidays don't bother me at all, it's just witness extremism. Research doctrinal issues from websites. Just type in doctrines and see what comes up. Get your purple interlinear out. Get another Bible too. I believe in evolution as well, as part of the creative process. Fundamentalism is not important, many parts of the Bible are from a human perspective and for an ancient mindset. Jesus explains who God really is, he is the exact image of him.
There is definitely life after the witnesses! You will not miss anything about them, except family who are still in. See what you can do to start living now! But save money for retirement!
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flipper
LHS123- So many great points made by some very caring people here on the board ! A big hug and a welcome to you my friend from me and my wife ! I was born into the Witnesses and I stopped attending at age 44 over 11 years ago. It wasn't easy- but yet it was harder for me to continue living and believing in a lie than walking out of that kingdom hall the final time. Freedom of mind is priceless - a beautiful thing - a rare commodity in which we are ALLOWED to use our open mind and critical thinking ability to make INFORMED , intelligent decisions. And that's the thing about having been in the Witnesses- we were never ALLOWED to research or have access to information outside of the WT publications. But with the advancement of the Internet - WT Society cannot really keep their secrets or skeletons in the closet anymore . Which is a good thing.
The advice you've received here has been fantastic. I agree with virtually all of it. Keep researching, keep informing yourself with information from different sources off the Internet as you become more fully aware of what's really going on behind the scenes within the WT Society. As you stated we were all told to " leave our doubts to Jehovah " and He would show us the way in time if we saw injustices inside the organization. But as you mentioned if Jehovah is NOT running this WT organization then it's important to ask ourselves what IS the motive of the people leading the WT organization ? And if God isn't running it- then perhaps it's a sign that we need to use our God given - or - natural authentic human personality and mind to find a better , healthier, more empathetic, kinder type of lifestyle in order to free our children or family to be able to live a kinder, happier life. Just something to think about. I know I thought a lot about it as I was exiting the Witnesses .
Just please know that we are here for you- the advice to be careful about what you disclose to JW's who are close to you or you are associated with is good advice. The information you are learning will be misconstrued as " negative against the organization" so be careful in what you disclose to the elders or others in your congregation. If you need to vent, vent here we all will help you. Many of us have gone down the same road as you but I can assure you that freedom of mind is worth it- not being enslaved to concepts that are designed to keep us in mental captivity . We will continue to be a support to you and your children. If you ever want to chat on the phone with my wife or me, please PM us and we'll give you our contact info. Take care. Hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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derangedjdub
Tell your kids that they have to do whatever it takes to avoid a JC meeting and LIE LIE LIE to avoid getting DF'ed. -
Finkelstein
Welcome to the forum LHS123 obviously you've done some research as to legitimacy of the WTS and you've found some enlightening information that shows that the WTS is not what it says, in that its not God's chosen organization. One must keep in mind that pretty much all Christian based faiths say that but not to the extent the WTS has done.
The WTS was started by devious charlatans who were more endeavored to create doctrines that would essentially attract attention to the literature they published and toward themselves as individuals rather than sound and accurate bible interpretation.
Have you ever wonder why out the hundreds of different Christian based faiths that no other announced the return of Christ first in 1874 and then in 1914. ???
The fact is that the WTS (Publishing house) as it developed over the years was built on false clams, exaggerated and misleading information created to spur on the proliferation of the literature the WTS produced and then gave this information some engaging viability by saying god had chosen the organization solemnly.
These endeavors did create a semblance of power and wealth to the men at the top of the organization nevertheless and the organization was given an unrestrained open door by the religious freedom situation established in the United States.
In all common sense would god choose a maligning false prophet, people who professed a tainted version of the gospel, where the core intent and forwarding agenda was to commercialize literature ???
So yes the WTS expanded over the years and lured in many but those people knowingly or not were exploited and manipulated for labor (publicly distributing the WTS's literature) and money to support what was inherently corruption started by turn of the century charlatans.
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LHS123
Hi everybody, first of all thank you so much for taking time out to reply to a stranger - it is truly touching.
strangely enough, you don't all sound like tools of Satan (ha ha) but just reasonable people who went through doubts and a painful exit yourselves. thank you for your advice, I will take it all on board with an open mind.
My daughter was actually baptised earlier this year, I think part of it was reaction to her brother leaving, I was emotional so agreed even though I wasn't convinced, my husband is strong in 'the truth' and he was thrilled she wanted to 'dedicate' herself. I am just encouraging her to make her own decisions about friendships and education, not to give up these things like I did. She gets it and she is fiercely independent so I think she'll be okay. If she does choose to leave in the future at least she'll have my support and thankfully my parents and sister are not in the truth. Strangely enough, (I must have inadvertantly passed this on to her) but she told me last night she believes that many none JWs including children will survive armageddon, that Jehovah reads hearts and that's the only important thing - she says no-one will ever change her mind on that point. shes a good girl.
My husband has listened and been supportive, but said what I am reading sounds 'dangerous' - he wants me to meet with the elders, although he doesn't have much confidence in the ones we have here. If I do meet with them I will tone down what I have said here and probably just concentrate on the 'confused about children dying at Armageddon' point - surely they can't df me for thinking kids and sincere ones might survive! But seriously I will be careful because I don't want to be ditched by my whole community before I am ready for the fallout.
He was the abuser in years past unfortunately, but he has made some serious changes in the last few years, and I think because I am much stronger now there are a lot of things that I just won't tolerate anymore and he knows it. We are probably still together because of our new baby, and my daughter, and because there is still love there. maybe or maybe we won't survive me leaving 'the truth', if I do....?!?
Thanks again for all of the advice. x
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stan livedeath
hello LHS --and welcome to the site. I'm in the UK--and many others on here are as well---heres a link to some of us.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/197364/ex-jw-uk?size=20&page=1
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Heaven
LHS, Welcome to the forum. You and your family have been through a lot. You are starting to see that their claims are not aligning with reality, reason, and logic. You are being intellectually honest with yourself. This is what happened to me as a teenager.
I think you have a number of valid concerns. Your first priority should be to the protection and well-being of your family.
If you are thinking of taking a month off, DO IT. Maybe take that time to research the religion, for starters. Researching the history of the Bible is probably not a bad idea either.
Good luck and let us know your progress (if you want).
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TheListener
LHS 123, welcome to the forum. I am so glad you posted and were able to express your thoughts.
As you can see you're definitely not alone. A lot of us went through something similar.
I can't tell you how glad I am that you love your son and won't shun your daughter if the WTS required it. That unconditional love is what being a parent is all about imho.
I won't sit here and tell you that the road ahead will be easy but it is manageable and although you may feel alone we are here to listen to you. Even if sometimes we don't have the answer please feel free to vent your feelings.
I have kids and also would never shun them no matter what.
Good luck LHS 123 and feel free to PM me anytime.