So here's the latest in my pathetic saga. I've tried to fly under the radar for the past year, but it isn't working so well. I've learned not to engage my wife in debates but rather to ask questions. But no matter what thought provoking question is asked, her response is "I won't answer that. I don't owe you anything. You won't talk to the elders and you won't send a letter to Bethel so it is clear that you know you are wrong and are only trying to ruin my faith".
And planting "thinking" seeds in my oldest child's head isn't working either because she has been turned into a little informant. My 5 year old is being turned into a JW psycho. What 5 year old wants to listen to kingdom melodies? What 5 year old wants to quit playing house so she can pretend she is at the meeting instead?
I do have some good news though. I have found out over the past 3 months by having my sister's family visit.....and then later by going to visit my mom......that mom, my sister, my nephew and nieces and my BIL (sister's hubby) are ALL in the same boat as me. It all started by my sister noticing my "collection of books" on my bookshelf at home. Several discussions later, I've learned that the majority of my immediate blood family is making their exodus from this religion too! The reason I say this is to let you know that finally, I do have some support.
I think I have reached the point where I must take a stand. I am not a passive personality. Fading just isn't in my nature. My wife has told me that she will only take me seriously if I take the plunge and write to NY or talk to an elder. My kids are being taught to worship the organization and disregard their father. How long do I let the burning inside me go? If I were to do this......here is how I would do it:
I would first tell my wife that I am finally mailing to Bethel all of my research I've done on 607BC (I would focus on that topic), and the corresponding 84 questions I've developed. Then I'll tell her that they won't answer any of my questions. In fact, they won't even respond (she thinks they'll respond in writing with biblical answers to all questions). I'll tell her that they will send a letter to our local body of elders and the COBE will assign two unqualified local elders who know nothing of the information that I've sent to NY to come talk to me. When I ask to see a copy of the letter that was sent to them regarding me......they will decline to give it to me. I think that's a pretty good start as to how it will unfold.
When the elders sit down to talk I will offer them a copy of what I sent to NY. They will decline. They will already have in hand several society based publications on the matter. (all of which I have thoroughly studied and have reponses and questions to) They will offer to go over them with me. I will say ok.....and we'll start. Paragraph by paragraph I will then open up my research book and respond to each point they try to make with the very same question that I sent to Bethel. They will be unable to answer each question and they will quickly go on the defensive. Again, I would make sure to predict all these things ahead of time. I think one of two things will happen.
1) the elders will find a way to not DF me. Believe it or not....they seem to like me. It is common knowledge around here that I am "critical of the society". If they wanted me gone they'd have found a way by now. But at least I can prove to my wife that they cannot answer these questions. Her whole beef with me is that she thinks I am trying to ruin her faith. She thinks that since she is just a lowly woman, she cannot answer the questions I have....but since the elders are filled with holy spirit....they'll be able to. I am hopeful that she'll be shocked when she sees they cannot. 2) I will get the boot. I no longer hang out with any local witnesses so from a social standpoint (for me) it isn't a big deal. My family supports me so I have that too. I've tried to explain to her that she doesn't grasp how much such a decision would affect HER. For instance, she had a small congragation get together at our house. I attended and cooked for everyone. That won't happen anymore. Children from the KH come over to our house quite often and spend the night. That won't happen anymore. We can't meet other families for lunch. Etc. I am hopeful that if I were to get DFd she would see first hand what an evil and controlling device the DFing tag really is. Then again, it may just make her hate me and want to get away
For me, the best part of situation 2 is that of the position her father will be in. Remember, she loves her father more than any other human being on this planet, including me. 30 years ago, her dad "found the truth". When he did, his father in law (my wife's grandpa) treated him like shit. He did so because it was his son in law that ruined the family. No more family Christmas. No more Thanksgiving. Not only that, but he had to sit by and watch as his daughter was indoctrinated into a cult. Well, my wife grew up and noticed how her grandpa treated her dad. Of course her dad brushed it off as persecution and that helped indoctrinate my wife even more. But the way he was treated by her grandpa really bothered her. To the point where she had a talk with him (grandpa) and told him how awful it was to see him treat her father as though he was dead. He has since opened up a bit and now at least treats my wife's father with a measure of dignity.
THAT is what will be good. My father in law is an organizational disciple through and through. If I am DFd I have 100% confidence that he will never say another word to me. He will treat me as though I am dead. I am hopeful that I would be able to reason with her.....or at the very least MY children as they grow up. I am hopeful that I would be able to show them that the way my wife's grandpa treated her dad is the exact same way that HE treats ME. All because a person either accepted or did not accept a particular religion. All in all, my hope would be that my children would see the inhumane way that JWs treat me and realize that it is a cult as they get older. My hope would be that my children would be able to see the double standards and hypocritical behavior.
So.....what do you think? Should I put the crack pipe away? Thus far I've taken the majority's advice and laid low
On another note. Regardless of the above, I am thinking about making one more wave with my wife. I am thinking about insisting that my kids make friends with kids that are not at the kingdom hall. I want to do this because I realize that growing up with friends that are ONLY in the KH makes the indoctrination and control that much stronger. For a teenager, even if they begin to see the real truth.....the social aspect of realizing that they will be starting over with all new friends may in and of itself be enough to keep them in the borg. This will go over like a turd in the punchbowl with my wife.....but it is a battle I think that needs to be both fought and won. thoughts?
