Recurring nightmares of getting busted by elders, anyone???

by Hermano 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Hermano
    Hermano

    The last week or so, I've had recurring dreams of elders coming after either me or my wife (who is still a believer). For example, I dreamt elders were accusing us of being apostates and were demanding a meeting with us. They were citing lack of regular meeting attendance as the reason for their suspicions. I had a different dream last night, which I can't remember now, but again it had to do with elder(s) accusing me of some wrongdoing.

    Has this hapenned to anyone else here? I consider myself a succesful fader. I haven't gone to a meeting in over a year. I attend assamblies irregularly, and then only to help my wife with the kids.

    The other thing I've noticed within my mind is, I'm starting to do more things that JWs disapprove of and getting the sensation that I'm going to get busted. For instance, last night, I was at a bookstore and was perusing over the astrology books. I remember looking over my shoulder, and thought about what excuse I would give should someone bust me.

    I don't know why I would rationally have these feelings of getting busted. I think i executed a pretty good fade. I moved from the congregation where I grew up to another congregation nearby, then to a congregation several States away, (I know, I should've just remained incognito then, but couldn't) where I executed the fade. My wife is now in yet another congregation. The point is, I'm not quite sure what elder body even had jurisdiction, which is why I think these feelings are irrational.

    Is this a normal part of getting out? Anyone else gone through this???

  • Hope4Others
    Hope4Others

    Funny thing isn't it, I've also been in the astrology section or self help books out of curiosity wanting to browse thru the books looking over my shoulders, better yet watching the door when

    I've thought of buying a lotto ticket. And its been 10 years since I've started the fade. Probably 5-6 that I have not been through a KH door. Can you ever get past it till your totally out?

    Hope4Others

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    I never have had an elder in any of my dreams....good or nightmarish ones. Then I never gave two shits for what the elders say. Sure I tried to accomodate their requests and be a reasonable guy, but I never sweated telling them no or to even get the FU** outta my place when they were being too much......

  • Hermano
    Hermano

    Funny that you mention buying lottery tickets, Hope, I almost did that this week too. Again, I did the look over my shoulder thing. I am also going to vote in this years presidential election. I wonder if the dreams are the result of my doing more and more "illegal" things. I wonder if the dreams are a reaction of my psyche to my going against what I have been taught all my life....

  • IP_SEC
    IP_SEC

    I've had dreams of getting cuffed by busty elderettes... do da count?

  • Hermano
    Hermano

    I wish I had the same experienced as you Tired, but my dad was the PO in the congregation and I never stood up to him, in part cause I felt since I was living under his roof I had to respect his rules. When I started my fade I still thought the Society had the Truth, and I just wasn't good enough for all their holy standards. I read posts like yours and others who knew it was all BS while they were in, and I can't help feel a bit jealous. I wish I would've known it was bullsh*t while I was still in. In my opinion, the Witnesses that are most damaged by the Society are those that really beleive all their sh*t and I was one of those. So, even when I didn't personally like an elder, I thought I should be respectful because of the position.

  • Hermano
    Hermano
    I've had dreams of getting cuffed by busty elderettes... do da count?

    That's the kinda dream I don't want to wake up from, IP.

  • StAnn
    StAnn

    I had nightmares for years. Turned out to be a bad case of PTSD, brought on in large part by being DF'd. Now, I'm so used to being out that I even say things to my JW mother that I would never have dared before, like "God Bless You" when she sneezes. It takes time but it does finally end.

  • Hermano
    Hermano

    Thanks for the feedback StAnn. As much as I want to beleive that I am completely over the WTS, it annoys me that I still have dreams and fears about them.

  • wings
    wings

    I have reoccuring dreams that I never finished high school. I actually went to college, but in my dreams I am only a few months away from graduating and I stop going to class. NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS. Anyway, didn't mean to go off on that.

    I also am still feeling the looking over my shoulder sensation. I moved away too, but we all know they are EVERYWHERE. It is almost like the not knowing who they are is more creepy than knowing the faces.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit