by vitty 49 Replies latest jw friends
They are basically good kids. (16 & 18)
They think they know it all, and they think that because they are good kids they deserve everything.
They think we grow money on trees, example... the older one just got his prom this past weekend and it was a constant asking for money, he didn't even realized that he bought the suit instead of renting it.
(he is very thight with his own money but when is ours he is preety liberal)
I just don't buy it that kids are a reflection of their upbringing or of their parents. It certainly affects kids, but I've seen some horrible kids come from really caring parents who did not coddle and spoil their kids. Their kids were just horrid, stealing money, robbery, rape, ending up in prison. I've known the parents personally and watched the kids grow up, there is no excuse for the stuff these kids did except they are just purely bad. Kids like that have done nothing but cause their parents grief, because of drug addiction, self-centeredness, and total lack of feeling for other people.
Sometimes no matter how much we want good for our kids, they just go through bad spells because of bad choices they make not because they have been taught that way or coddled. I say a kid's beginning have an affect but society and the friends these kids chose have a lot do with it too. Have any you ever tried to stop a teenager from hanging out with a bunch of drug addicts because they thought they were cool? They simply will knock themselves out to go against everything right to hang out with these type of kids.
Balsam
I presume you're refering to my post in your opening comments. If you read what i wrote then you will see that i wasn't as dogmatic as you infer.
Whatever you say, our children are largely (but not totally) a reflection of us as parents and our methods of parenting.
As i alluded to previously i think parents all too often blame 'personality disorders' on their childrens' bad behaviour.
That said, i agree that bad associations can spoil our kids too, but society and the media paints a glamourous picture of rebellion. But even then we have a responsibility to instill in them the sort of people to hang with. It all starts at a very early age.
Peace
Lowden
Of course if children are badly treated, they may but not always grow up horrible but we must recognize as its so common that our little angels can turn into monsters overnight. Many grow out of it as did my daughter im just hoping my son does too.
I just think sometimes we need to vent and say it like it is. Our flesh and blood can be a disapointment at least and a nightmare at worst.
I would never critisize my kids to ppl that would hold it against him, or show him this thread, I wouldnt want to damage the little darling. But since no one knows him or me here I think its a good time and place
"I love my son to death, but he could charm the skin off a snake. He owes me a ton of money, dammit! He's getting debt reduction as birthday and Christmas gifts now." Great idea if my kids try to borrow money after they're grown!
Makes me sad reading some of these posts. Being a parent is very challenging no matter what. I have 3 kids, 2 of which are turning out pretty great--19 years and almost 17 years; my 13 year-old has a different dad and that makes a huge difference. She doesn't seem to have any social skills, and her desire for attention is literally consuming me; I have her in counseling--I hope she gets better one day, recently she cut and burned her arm to get attention and had to stay in a hospital for a week.
Hey L2BW, you seem to be a very loving mother and as challenged and exhausted as your youngest makes you feel, your love will conquer. My eldest son 'self-harmed' for a brief period and although he wasn't in need of professional counselling it still distressed his mother and i. Keep on keeping on.
Peace
Lowden
There's a saying over here in Britain (maybe elsewhere too) that 'Mothers Make Male-Chauvanist Pigs'.
Very true, Lowden. Mothers need to keep in mind they are raising the men they would have liked to have married.
My daughter is a good, responsible kid who even tells me I'm a good mother. She said that when her friends complain about their mothers, she doesn't have anything to add.
Given that, she's become messier with each passing year. She's also mouthy and tries to order me around. She is tight with her money, but generous with mine. She has a strong stubborn streak, and will tell me 'no' and delay doing things, though she usually gets around to doing whatever I ask - it's just on her timetable.
Well, my kids are still very young (6, 2 and 2) so I dont have attitude or anything like that to deal with yet. I do love them so, It's hard for me to say anything negative about them.
They do, however bicker, fight over toys, and destroy my house on a constant basis.
Nature and nurture play a part in the way children grow up. Is that right?
That's what I feel is true and can see how it worked w/my kids. They still have their early personalities in different areas, but also they were affected w/how they were raised. It's kind of like a human cocktail.
Juni
There is always a big nature vs nurture debate going on in society. I think what is often missed is that it is not an either/or scenario.
I believe it is more like this:
1 part nature + 1 part nurture + 1 part personal choice = 1 totally unique child/individual.
Cog
