Prefect

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Posts by Prefect

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  18

  I Would Be So Chuffed To Own One Of These..

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  why is it that men are so fascinated by steam locomotion?.

  i've always been totally intrigued by steam power.

  i've visited lot's of the country's steam lines.

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  Prefect

  Anorak clad wielding zealots lovers of steam?

  You ought to have see the smile on your face as you travelred behind the miniture steam railway in

  Betws y Coed. It was wider than your young sons.
• 
  1

  Beer Scooter

  by Prefect in

  1. social
  2. humour

  how many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night .

  drinking and thought 'how on earth did i get home?

  ' as hard as you .

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  Prefect

  How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
  drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you
  try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to
  your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.

  The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to
  the drunk by Bacchus the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a
  large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the
  following fashion:-

  The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
  gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
  sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter.

  The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom
  via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large
  portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This
  answers the second question after a night out, 'How did I spend so
  much money?'

  Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought
  to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking
  Injuries), such as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your head.

  An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the destruction of time
  segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals
  dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.

  This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'

  With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of
  Embarrassing Moments In Time) add-on, that automatically removes, in
  descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately
  one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite
  often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
  Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
  Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to
  the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

  For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked
  from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).
  These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you
  tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half.
  Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in
  the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System)
  explains the bruised shins.

  The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the
  TA (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can
  apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

  P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably
  get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a
  T-shirt.
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  1

  Weapons of Math Instruction

  by Prefect in

  1. social
  2. humour

  at new york's kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

  at a morning press conference, attorney general john ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.

  he is being charged by the fbi with carrying weapons of math instruction.

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  Prefect

  At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
  At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

  When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
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  215

  Abortion...

  by Lostreality in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  wrong or right?.

  right to choose, or murder?.

  what is everyones point of view?.

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  Prefect

  I do not agree with abortion. I remembered this from years ago and looked it up.

  It is from the 1980 Awake May 22nd Page16.

  *** g80 5/22 16 Diary of an Unborn Child ***
  Diary of an Unborn Child
  OCTOBER 5:
  Today my life began. My parents do not know it yet, but it is I already. And I am to be a girl. I shall have blond hair and blue eyes. Just about everything is settled though, even the fact that I shall love flowers.
  OCTOBER 19:
  Some say that I am not a real person yet, that only my mother exists. But I am a real person, just as a small crumb of bread is yet truly bread. My mother is. And I am.
  OCTOBER 23:
  My mouth is just beginning to open now. Just think, in a year or so I shall be laughing and later talking. I know what my first word will be: MAMA.
  OCTOBER 25:
  My heart began to beat today all by itself. From now on it shall gently beat for the rest of my life without ever stopping to rest! And after many years it will tire. It will stop, and then I shall die.
  NOVEMBER 2:
  I am growing a bit every day. My arms and legs are beginning to take shape. But I have to wait a long time yet before those little legs will raise me to my mother's arms, before these little arms will be able to gather flowers and embrace my father.
  NOVEMBER 12:
  Tiny fingers are beginning to form on my hands. Funny how small they are! I'll be able to stroke my mother's hair with them.
  NOVEMBER 20:
  It wasn't until today that the doctor told mom that I am living here under her heart. Oh, how happy she must be! Are you happy, mom?
  NOVEMBER 25:
  My mom and dad are probably thinking about a name for me. But they don't even know that I am a little girl. I want to be called Kathy. I am getting so big already.
  DECEMBER 10:
  My hair is growing. It is smooth and bright and shiny. I wonder what kind of hair mom has?
  DECEMBER 13:
  I am just about able to see. It is dark around me. When mom brings me into the world it will be full of sunshine and flowers. But what I want more than anything is to see my mom. How do you look, mom?
  DECEMBER 24:
  I wonder if mom hears the whispering of my heart? Some children come into the world a little sick. But my heart is strong and healthy. It beats so evenly: tup-tup, tup-tup. You'll have a healthy little daughter, mom!
  DECEMBER 28:
  Today my mother killed me.
  -Anonymous
• 
  2

  What date Manchester Convention England ?

  by Gordy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  can any of our english posters tell me the date for the jw convention in manchester.

  have a friend who wishes to go and hand out tracts and talk to them.

  he went last year and had quite a good time.. i'd go myself but know so many and my wife and two daughters will be there.

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  Prefect

  2nd - 4th July 2004
• 
  40

  Time To Forgive The Prince Of Wales?

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  george carey, ex-archbishop of canterbury, ex-number 1 head honcho of the church of england next to her maj. .

  >>>>it would be "the natural thing" for the prince of wales and camilla parker bowles to marry, the former archbishop of canterbury has said.. george carey and his wife, eileen, met camilla at their son andrew's house in peckham, south-east london, after her relationship with the prince went public, he told the times.. lord carey said of charles and camilla: "he is the heir to the throne and he loves her.

  the natural thing is that they should get married.".

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  Prefect

  PRINCE OF WALES ?

  He hardly ever comes to Wales.
• 
  13

  Hybrid Cars anyone/

  by Carmel in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  last weekend alan alda of mash fame did a documentry on the new hybrid cares by honda and toyota.

  ford is coming with on and chrysler is about to launch.

  also are new fuel cell hydrogen cars one even with little discs the size of a skeet that contain hydrogen in solid form.

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  Prefect

  We have ordered BLACK one. Just like OL Henry said it should be. Any colour you like as long as it is BLACK. We had a phone call telling us if we would like silver we can have one immediatly. No thank you we will wait for BLACK.
• 
  13

  Hybrid Cars anyone/

  by Carmel in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  last weekend alan alda of mash fame did a documentry on the new hybrid cares by honda and toyota.

  ford is coming with on and chrysler is about to launch.

  also are new fuel cell hydrogen cars one even with little discs the size of a skeet that contain hydrogen in solid form.

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  Prefect

  We have ordered a Toyota Prias. 12 weeks delivery. Just when the 12 weeks were up it has been extended for another 8 weeks. Never mind. The test drive was great. We can't wait for it to come. It is a great car. Maybe the reason for the late delivery is that they arre all being diverted to America. You are all buying them now according to the british press. It seems to have won awards in America & North America.
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  11

  I Hate Mondays

  by Puternut in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  argh, come to work and check my email, 114 new ones, 18 with attachements(viruses), on my desk there are numerous new jobs, phone calls on the answering machine.

  voice mails on my cell, mail slot got jammed because of all the bills.... i had a great weekend.

  it's just so overwhelming on mondays, so i decided to take a quikie break and have a cup of coffee before i dig in to the piles of work.. is it friday yet?.

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  Prefect

  You Hate Mondays?

  Go to this site and download the song to cheer yourselves up.

  Monday Sucks

  http://www.funs.co.uk.downloads/2html
• 
  55

  Are there any Newbies out there???

  by Sassy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was just wondering if there were any new members out there who haven't yet said hello... if so.. please come in and say hi here.. .

  its an easy way to get started.. .

  i know there are those who will read/lurk for a while but one day they jump in and say hi.... .

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  Prefect

  Sorry about the spelling.

  Late at night and to much wine.