Well said JJ ,I myself DA`d some years ago in fact many years after I had just left along with my wife many,many, years previously. To me it was a statement that I had DF`d the religious organization .I dont buy into the thought that your playing into there hands at all and that they have power over you ,I think its the other way round.
Everyone who DA themselves is a statement that they are not getting anymore support from you financially or otherwise .And that must hurt ,their pockets at least.
My wife never DA herself and nobody and I mean nobody has ever tried to contact her to come back to Jehovah or the congregation meetings and its been 27 years now.
And I have no doubt they know about us because we had a niece who was active while living here but since moved away .
Oh, and in the mid 70`s we actually lived here ourselves for a year and were a part of the then congregation .
Good luck to you and your wife buddy
take care.