Posts by Sentinel

20

HAVE you CHANGED???

by minimus in

jw
friends

after reading so many comments about our collective personalities, i wonder how we were percieved by the congregation in general.

some of us on the board seem to be shy, others appear to be stronger type personalities.some stories that i have read, suggest that when you left the organization, either nobody was surprised or everyone was shocked.

do you think that you are basically the same type of person , now, as you were when you were attending meetings?

Sentinel

Amazing,

YES, YES, I have changed. I have been turned inside out physically and emotionally. I have changed in every way posible, and yet, I am the same person. I changed myself. I take responsibility.

Old friends, especially JW's might not recognize me at first, but they would know my voice. The voice speaks up from the well of the heart, and my heart is healed. My soul is healed. I'm a confident woman, with some wear. There are lines on my face, and my eyes hold the stories of a lifetime. But I'm different, you bet. I'm better. I'm not perfect, and I don't care. I'm human and I do human things. And it's not just the maturity of my age. It is the changes I made along the way, the decisions I made, the choices I took. The chances I continue to take. The courage to let go when I need to, and to hold on when I need to, AND THE FREEDOM TO MAKE THAT CHOICE.

I'm still changing. Change is a good thing. If we don't change we don't grow. I'm glad to be where I'm at right now. It would have been nice to have this mindset when I was younger, but perhaps the time was not right for me. I don't feel anger for the past. I am what I am today, because of my past. I have a few regrets, but nothing to do with JW's directly. I don't harbor any ill thoughts at all. I regret that my early cognition in life was improperly distorted by the influence of other adults, before and during the JW experience. Much of that comes from inside me. My perception of life.

How do I know I'm on the right track now? Because there is joy in my heart. A joy that I never knew when I was following the teachings of the borg, or for the years of "detachment" from facing my own personal demons. This is a joy that is with me, even though unhappy things still occur. Also, I find great happiness and fulfillment with this wonderful spiritual connection to the universe and everything in it. I'm glad to be alive, but not just alive. I'm glad I can finally live life! I celebrate my life!

Well, I just had to let my heart out a bit. It feels sooooo good!

Karen/Sentinel

29

Bad Day

by Sirona in

i'm posting here because i can't find any other forum to post to about this....plus you all know me and you are a great group of people.. i'm having a really bad day today.

all of a sudden it seems to have "hit" me that i had cancer.

i've been all clear for about 3 months, but all the while i've been terrified of it returning.

Sentinel

Dear Sirona,

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

I have never had cancer, so I don't really know how you are feeling. Cancer can be deadly, so it is a much different experience than some of the other health issues I contend with. I am glad that you are free of it right now, but I can only imagine your daily fears and concerns.

Cancer is something I do think about. Both my paternal grandparents died of cancer, as did my maternal grandfather-he had bone cancer. My uncle died of colon cancer in his mid 70's, and his wife had one breast removed about five years ago. Another great aunt died of breast cancer. So it is in my family, and it seems to strike everyone later in life, in their late 60's and 70's. I try to take good care of myself and not worry about it. There are some things we just have no control over. We can only live our life day to day, one day at a time.

My mother's sister had a breast taken about ten years ago. She was in her mis 60's. She is still cancer free now! My sister-in-law (just 44 and newly married) had a double mastectomy just about 15 days ago. Both of these people NEVER had a mammagram. UNBELIEVABLE.

My mother never had a mammagram until her sister faced cancer. She had not even seen a GYN until two years ago! She finally got a pap smear. UNBELIEVABLE. She tries to get BOTH DONE every two years now at the least. Two days ago, she informed me that the doctor just removed the sores on her face that wouldn't heal. Cancer. Her brother has major skin cancer and is always being operated on. She has also been diagnosed with Osteoperosis. We feel this developed because as a faithful borg, she refused blood during an operation, and nearly died. This was five years ago. The nutrients to survive are drawn from wherever possible. Her's came from her bone. Now she will have to deal with that at age 78 (tomorrow's her BD). Thank you JW's!

I am very aware that cancer is very close to me. How ironic that Cancer is also my birth sign. Hummm........I always get my yearly pap smear and mammagram done. But, that only began yearly when I got out of my first marital situation. There was no money then. Hard times. Things got better.

You are enduring a terrible physical and emotional illness. You need support in both areas. I saw some interesting sites come up on here as a result of your post, so I hope you will find one that gives you what you need. My heart goes out to you Sirona. None of us knows what the new day will bring.

But, you are alive, and your cancer is gone. Trust your doctor and try to move ahead with your life in positive ways. If you were near me, I would have you over for a hot cup of tea and we could talk and be friends. Well, that isn't posible, so the next best thing is just my ((((HUGS)))) on here and supportive reply. It isn't much, but it's all I have hon.

You have shared your thoughts on here many places and I have enjoyed your posts. I had no idea up to now, what you were going through.

Take care of yourself! You are loved!

Karen/Sentinel

26

Revealing ID safe here?

by happysunshine in

jw
friends

is it safe to reveal your identity, location, personal details, etc.

on this site?

or are there any sickos prowling around?

Sentinel

I wondered the very same thing. I saw people who had obviously been posting a very long time, with no personal info at all in their profile.

Obviously we all have our own reasons for being on here. Also, depending upon our situation, we may still have family members "in", or other friends or acquaintances in various stages of "in", out, df'd, da'd, questioning, curious".

I was think after I posted my "surviving the hearing to disfellowship me", that I would be more than happy if someone that knew me back "when", would find me on here, and see the way it was, and how far I've come as a human being, living life normally, on the "outside". Other's might just be curious. That's why I put a good bit of info in my profile.

I did get a strange email from a "TP"--I won't even state his name. I had no idea who he was until I searched for his posts. I found them. I was enlightened. I believe now he may be using another new name.

But, anyway, the only thing I ask is that if someone wishes to email me from here, they need to use JW forum in the subject line. Otherwise, it might not get opened. This person sent me a contaminated attachment. He may not have know it was, but my system caught it. This is the only thing that does concern me to some extent.

I don't mind speaking about myself more personally, but I try to be careful about giving out personal information about anyone else close to me. I honor their privacy. As for me, I feel I have things to share that might help someone else. Give them hope. Encourage them in their journies. I know I have a lot to learn myself.

I try not to be overly paranoid. But my naive tendencies have hurt me in the past. So, one step at a time in most all things. If I feel comfortable, then full speed ahead.

Karen/Sentinel This picture says a lot.

33

it doesnt matter

by SpiceItUp in

it really doesnt.

it doesnt matter if i smile.

it doesnt matter if i laugh.

Sentinel

Generally speaking, anything we read can be misinterpreted. There is no way we can know the heart and mind of those who post here. We can only make our own interpretation from what we read.

It's all in our own perception -- the one making the expression, and those that read it. If we are feeling down and negative and depressed, it might be more difficult for us to perceive responses as good or positive. On the other hand, we might be sparked out of our despair by the way someone says something.

If I am happy, it is difficult to shake that happiness. It is easy to share my joy. If I am unhappy, then I'm looking for someone to help me out of my despair. If someone attacks me or judges me, I become defensive. My grief is compounded.

Personally, in my delivery, many times I say "you", but only in a very broad term. I usually mean "we all" (everyone) and not just one individual. In everyday life, I am forever being misunderstood. My intentions are good, but sometimes I trip over myself trying to deliver a genuine message of love and concern. Perhaps this is what has occured within this thread--misunderstandings.

Perhaps instead of everyone quickly taking offense, it should be up to the original poster of the thread to request clarification if they are offended. This would stop any incorrect perceptions and the air could be cleared.

I'd like to believe that everyone is here because they care about other people. It's a loving gesture to respond to someone's post. When someone is down, and we recognize that, we certainly do not want to kick them. Depression is an illness and should never be taken lightly. Some of us are not familiar with depression and are not capable of responding to a plea for help in this arena. In that case, why respond at all.

I've seen lot's of (((HUGS))) on many, many posts. Sometimes, there are no words. The person just needs a hug.

Love and Light,

Karen/Sentinel

14

Life really is what we make it.

by SpiceItUp in

jw
friends

i have been reading the board today and have noticed alot of ones today are hurting and angry.

my heart goes out as i have been there many times.

it is often hard to focus on the good things in our life when the negative seem to push them out.

Sentinel

John,

I was curious about your website and checked it out. I'm very impressed. There is certainly a need for this type of counseling.

Your invitation is worth consideration. Thank you.

Karen/Sentinel

14

Life really is what we make it.

by SpiceItUp in

jw
friends

i have been reading the board today and have noticed alot of ones today are hurting and angry.

my heart goes out as i have been there many times.

it is often hard to focus on the good things in our life when the negative seem to push them out.

Sentinel

Oh, and Heaven, thank you for the tip. I will be brave soon and attempt to make my posts more creative.

Thanks!

Karen

14

Life really is what we make it.

by SpiceItUp in

jw
friends

i have been reading the board today and have noticed alot of ones today are hurting and angry.

my heart goes out as i have been there many times.

it is often hard to focus on the good things in our life when the negative seem to push them out.

Sentinel

Rich, (((((HUGS))))

I wondered why I hadn't heard from you for awhile. Now I understand. My dad passed away on Jan. 31, 2001. He was 79 and had heart problems, compounded by a bad stroke and finally a bursting aneryrism in his heart. I lived over 1,000 miles away. I had visited him seven months earlier. I had quite a different relationship with him than you had with your mom. Still, I feel the loss. I am mostly sad by what he missed in not having a real father/daughter relationship with me for such a long period of time.

I'm glad that you were able to be with your mom up until she passed. You know, she is just around the bend. I have something I want to share with you that I got out of a recent Reader's Digest magazine. I found it one day when I was feeling blue. It affected me so profoundly that I kept it with my special stuff. It is called "Death is Nothing At All", by Henry Scott Holland.

"I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I, and you are you, whatever we were to each other, that, we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used to.

Put no difference into your tone.

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed,

At the little jokes that we enjoyed together.

Play, smile...think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.

Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was.

There is absolute and unbroken continuity.

What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you, for an interval, Somewhere very near,

Just around the corner.........All is well"

Please accept my most heartfelt condolence. Cancer is a terrible thing. My sister-in-law just this past week lost both her breasts to cancer. She had just married in April (second time to the right guy) and now this. We are waiting on the prognoses. It doesn't look good.

People come and go in our lives. But, we can still celebrate their life by remembering them, and even by talking to them. In this way, they are never gone, they are "just around the corner". I talk to my dad every now and then. Actually, I get more points across now, then ever before....

Please feel better. Allow yourself to feel the things you feel, but remember that we are alive, and she would want you to move on and be happy. None of us know when we will make our "exit", just as your mom said. It is good to think about these things and be reflective, because it will help us to face death again, whenever it occurs.

I'm here for you.

Karen

11

Strange Feeling.

by Undecided in

jw
friends

i just saw on tv that they found the body of the little girl from st.louis that was missing.

as i was looking at her picture i could hardly keep my hands on the arms of my recliner, i wanted to grab the man that killed her and choke him to death.

i really felt strange, she reminded me of my daughter and i just wanted to kill the bastard that took her, i really got emotional over this and wanted to cry.

Sentinel

DoubleEdge,

Yes, I was watching the Larry King show about Samantha Runion. I just honed right in on that poor woman. .....I had to turn it off, I was so affected by all of it. :-(

We only hear so few of these cases. Children taken, and so many are never ever found. There is no closure. Just so much emptiness. Lost hope. Empty hearts.

While the evildoers move on to fresh territory, buy or rent homes, get new jobs, and make deviant plans to destroy more of our children.

This makes my heart cry.

Karen/Sentinel

11

Strange Feeling.

by Undecided in

jw
friends

i just saw on tv that they found the body of the little girl from st.louis that was missing.

as i was looking at her picture i could hardly keep my hands on the arms of my recliner, i wanted to grab the man that killed her and choke him to death.

i really felt strange, she reminded me of my daughter and i just wanted to kill the bastard that took her, i really got emotional over this and wanted to cry.

Sentinel

I know just where you are coming from. Last night the little girl's mother was giving an interview on TV. She was so serene. She said that she feels everything occurs for a reason, and she feels that because of her daughters death, good things will come out of it. She has a very balanced view. I really admire her and her husband, and their family.

She indicated that they were able to grieve and mourn for three whole days, and then basically picked up the pieces and began moving forward in hope and courage.

I wonder if I could be so brave in her situation. It really makes you think so much. There is so much love in the world, but there is also so much evil. When evil touches a child, it is sending us a horrible message. I think we are beginning to wake up. Hopefully, laws will change.

Love and Light,

Karen/Sentinel

10

friends 2 the end

by PRETENDER in

jw
friends

hey lyin eyes and wildturkey i luv u guys im here as a friend always no matter what

Sentinel

Pretender,

Welcome to this great haven. Obviously you already have some friends posting here. Now you will have more. Whatever your situation, within or without the WBTS, you can come here and be accepted in love.

I offer you my friendship. I look forward to seeing you post.

Love and Light,

Karen/Sentinel