Lots of good points contained in these posts. I have an 8-year old daughter and 11-year old son. Being a single father there are many challenges, especially how to discipline. One obvious point first, every child is different. I have never spanked my kids and they will even joke about it. I still cringe when I think about that certain parent that every congregation has who, at the drop of a hat, drags their kid to the bathroom and beats the crap out of them. Grrrrr. My father was a BIG believer in corporal punishment, something I resent still to this day.
Anyway, what I find most effective (which isnt really a matter of discipline) is making sure my kids know exactly what I expect from them. I have high expectations for both Alec and Hannah and they know it. At school, straight As are "hope for" but turning in all of their homework assignments is expected. Listening to their teachers and getting along with their classmates is expected. At home, doing their chores, not fighting with each other, etc is expected. There is no "reward" for doing these things, its just "expected." Of course, no kid is perfect and from time to time expectations are not met. I find withholding certain privileges to be an effective way of correction. For example, during the past school year, my sons grades slipped from straight As to As and Bs. What I "expect" is 100% effort and when I noticed that the reason for the slip in grades was due to him not turning in several homework assignments (they were done but he forgot to turn them in) there was a need for discipline. The punishment was no more t.v. on school days. I told him that if he corrects the situation and it is reflected on his next report card, then we can go back to the old arrangement. Several weeks passed, his report card came in. His grades improved but he still had a couple of Bs. However, all of his homework was turned in and he did give it 100% effort. We returned to the old arrangement. One side point. I also met with a couple of his teachers to find out what the problem was. I believe my son saw from this that I was serious about trying harder in school and that I was also willing to help.
I see too many parents not spending time with their kids, not letting them know what is expected of them. Then, when their kids get into trouble they try some instant "punishment" thinking that it will correct the situation. They're wrong.
Well, I hope I didnt sound like I was tooting my own horn too much. But my relationship with my kids is something that makes me proud and brings warmth to my heart.
Edited by - roybatty on 20 June 2002 12:8:52
