Hi confused3426. This is corruptgirl's husband. It's so good to see you post here! It's a great community where most have gone through exactly what your are experiencing right now.
All I can say is: You've taken a great first step in allowing yourself to question this faith. That is the most difficult part to overcome for a member of this religion. As much as it is indeed life shattering to realize that everything you believed was not really true, its also the beginning of discovering your true self, your authentic identity, your soul, unchained from the untruth that held you back before.
Continue researching with an unbiased heart. Question everything. Let the facts lead you to conclusion.
Have you stopped attending meetings?