Honesty, I'm quite overwhelmed and so thankful for all the responses you friends have given me. Your experiences and words have moved me and I feel a bit more hopeful now. Its good to know I'm not alone. thank you so much Timdrake, Freddo, OneeyedJoe, Steve 2 and everyone else for your words of encouragement and guidance!!! It seems its definitely a time for me to work on my patience, above all. Jist of what i got from you guys is to treat her with love and show her that I am still a good husband, even without the organization. Also, instead of showing her my "doubts", I'll ask her questions that lead her to reason herself (similar tactic as we use door to door witnessing) I will re-read each post carefully many times to grasp as much as I can from your experiences.
Some answers to questions I saw on here:
-Poopie: My doubts began mostly when witnessing to a coworker a few years ago, she was a baptist, and asked me to prove to her with the christian scriptures that there would be an earthly resurrection. I couldn't. That always bugged me, but I brushed it aside as maybe I needed more personal study. The rest of my doubts are same as many have shared on this site.
-The Listener: I am indeed still an active member of the congregation. I have not had any experience of friends talking negatively about the new videos or new doctrines. We still have same zombie like attitude where everything that comes from the top is doubtless food from Jehovah. Friends actually love the new broadcasting vids. This latest one with the loafs of bread that we are making fun of on here, is instead a hit among the brothers, i've heard some on fb call it the best broadcasting yet. "This generation" change is seen as a "wonderful new understanding that makes sense now".
-TTdTT: So, FYI, when elder decides to resign, instruction is to have 2 other elders meet with him to discuss and try to encourage/help however possible. So they met with me 2 nights ago. It went well. My intention is to slowly fade, so I did "watch what i said", as i know talking too much about my doubts would lead to further trouble. Having said that, I'm the type of person that couldn't hurt a fly anyways; so it was hard for me to be completely honest of my intentions even if i wanted to be, because i feared causing these brothers more sleepless nights and more pain while they think of me becoming inactive or worst... so I minimized my issue some, referring to instead to needing "a time for myself, so that i can continue studying and fixing my issues", therefore making it seem like if my intentions are to remain a JW. I later regretted making it seem this way, but its just the way I am. Now, today, the coordinator called me, to tell me that BoE had met yesterday and they decided to allow me to keep certain privileges, such as attendant, sound, helping with the billboard schedules etc.. This blew my mind because I do remember telling these brothers (the strongest phrase i used that night) that "I was not sure if this was the truth or not". But, instead of seeing it as a possible sign of a friend that will drop out, they saw it as someone who has good qualities and is honest enough to open his heart to Jah. etc. So, now, I'm in a bit of a rut, because I'm on my way out, yet these brothers want to continue using me. I'm sure they will quickly stop using me once I start missing meetings, but I hate giving these friends some illusion that there is still hope for me, when i know there isn't.
-Patkim: I cry for you too my friend. I understand just the same what an indescribably terrible situation this is. Realizing that everything we thought of life, past/present and future, is not the way we believed it, it shakes a person to their core. I cried so many nights, asking God why must it be this way? It seems though I am past these initial soul crushing days, and am at a stage now where, even with all the problems with family and wife, I am unshackling myself from something that was holding me back as a person and as a child of God, which you are too my friend, so there is a certain sense of freedom in the horizon, even if its just a personal freedom. Please remember that the first conv with your wife will be extremely hard. Expect her to be crushed, and plan how you will react. Always with love and patience. Listen much, and show her much love. Tell her you understand that she would be shocked and have all these emotions, that you felt them too. Reassure her of your love and commitment though. That's what I did and it made the situation a little bit more tolerable.
-Stan livedeath: What i meant to say, is they must send out my details to CO and branch, then they get the confirmation back, then they announce to congregation. Bottom line is, I'm done as elder, no way around it. They asked me to reconsider, and I told them no in a loving way.
