Posts by morrisamb

82

Thank you for the support

by Erica in

jw
friends

i can't find the words that would express how grateful i am for all the support, not only for all of you to back me on the dateline show but for my trial as well.

i don't think i would have had the courage to go through the trauma if it wasn't for all your prayers and encouragement.

dateline was a huge help for many and i know this because i have recieved quite a few calls, one from a current jdub who wants out for the safety of his 16 month old baby, i was so excited that he lifted the veil and saw it for the pure truth that it was.

morrisamb

I watched the show with my Mother who is a Witness. The turning point as far as mood definitely was your appearance, manner, honesty, choice of words. We both never even noticed a cross! And she used to be a Catholic.
You know what we thought about.
My mother thought about us kids, her daughter (my sister) who were sexually abused. She felt for you.
My eyes watered because I was there for you. I saw the truth in your eyes. That is such a powerful message.

4

Order information for book on sexual abuse/JW

by morrisamb in

guess my book will be available sooner than i thought:.

for those unfamiliar with my book i am posting the back cover info.

below this announcement.

morrisamb

Hi Waiting

Thanks for your kinds words. Interesting comments about instilling silence.

I think it is the "caged bird sings" factor, but my siblings and I have an aversion to "required silence". From reading the postings here, that is one characteristic most of us share. I wonder if a majority will agree with me on this: we are forever changed by our experience and we are extraordinarily sensitive to "required silence" in all areas of life. That what we found to be true of the Witnesses, we discover in organizations, not faith based.

I'll give you some examples in my life...

ie. When I entered the theatre community..."You can't say that about us. You're one of us..." [One guy even said, 'If I read another negative comment about my performance, I'll have your lights taken out.' That inspired a year of reviewing!]

ie. When I visited the gay community...."You're too opinionated... We don't do things like that... You can't do anything that might be misconstrued as supporting our fundalmentalist mayor. [With all the persecution I experienced as a Witness, I certainly am not going to 'stone people of faith']

How about you out there? Can you relate?

4

Order information for book on sexual abuse/JW

by morrisamb in

guess my book will be available sooner than i thought:.

for those unfamiliar with my book i am posting the back cover info.

below this announcement.

morrisamb

Hi there! Guess my book will be available sooner than I thought:
for those unfamiliar with my book I am posting the back cover info. below this announcement. Thanks.

From: [email protected]

Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2002
Subject: RE:
Hello,

Are you wanting to order a copy of Father's Touch by Donald D'Haene? You need to either go to our bookstore at www.pdbookstore.com and place an order with a credit card or send a check or money order in US funds. For the correct amount for your area in the world, contact: [email protected]

Publisher's Direct
325 East 2400 South
Salt Lake City, Utah 84115

If you have further questions, please let me know.

Thank you,
Melanie

Melanie Brandt
Bookstore Manager
[email protected]
*****************************************************************
Father's Touch is an extraordinary book. I have read many impressive memoirs by survivors of sexual child abuse; many features set this one above the pack. In addition to his fearless self examination, Donald D'Haene presents excerpts from his father's writings that offer a chilling first person portrait of an abuser's denial, distortions, justifications and rationalizations of his crimes. D'Haene details the response (ranging from ignoring the problem through outright resistence to re-victimization) by many segments of the community - religious, educational, police, and the legal system. That Donald D'Haene persisted in his quest for understanding and justice in the face of these obstacles, is testimony to his strength, courage and resilience. This is a book that will stay with you long after you close its covers.
Mike Lew, Author
Victims No longer and
Leaping upon the Mountains

Imagine this. You are four years old, and you're summoned to your father's bedside to play . . . The Game. Begin then, a decade's journey of sexual exploitation. You and your siblings suffer the manipulations of an abusive religious zealot whose lust for power and control robs your childhoods. Father's Touch portrays much more than a somber memoir. Emerging from this realm of victimhood, the soul of Donald D'Haene draws us upward into the light. In his teens, Donald realized there'd be no triumph without the struggle. His chilling portrayal reveals that sexual abuse, particularly of boys, was and is yet today clumsily handled. Not only did this boy's first authority figure fail him mightily, but so did the various "systems" he trusted — church, police, the courts. Father's Touch looks both back and ahead as Donald recovers the joys of innocence delayed. His narrative leaves readers grateful most of us grew up with "Father Knows Best" and equally grateful he's telling his very different and penetrating story.

(author web site: www.fatherstouch.com)

12

My book made the cover of Belgium's newspaper

by morrisamb in

my book father's touch about my experience with sexual abuse as a jehovah's witness made the cover and inside section of belgium's newspaper, kraant van west vlaanderen.. check out this link to read the headlines and then the two windows to see the images.. http://www.fatherstouch.com/about.htm

morrisamb

Thanks to all who wrote me through my web site and a special thanks to my Canadian brothers (especially Hawk). You rock!

7

JW official web site article on molesters

by ballistic in

the following link takes you to the official jw site and an article about how the "organisation" treats wrong-doing.

i have pasted the relevant part about molestors here.. i'm suprised by the over-all dumbing-down of the offenses and particularly astonished by expressions such as "struggle to avoid repeating his sin" while it admits that "experience has shown that such an adult may well molest other children".. http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1997/1/1/article_01.htm.

what of a child molester?.

morrisamb

outnfree...what an excellent point. I hadn't thought of it that way...molestation is like a million times worse than adultery...yet isn't that one of the problems, to them it's not really.
I have said this to my siblings before..."All four of us are toast and our abuser could act repentant and sit in the Hall and supposedly get everlasting life. I don't want to go where he's going!"

12

My book made the cover of Belgium's newspaper

by morrisamb in

my book father's touch about my experience with sexual abuse as a jehovah's witness made the cover and inside section of belgium's newspaper, kraant van west vlaanderen.. check out this link to read the headlines and then the two windows to see the images.. http://www.fatherstouch.com/about.htm

morrisamb

Thank you all for your interest. The worldwide release of the book will be this summer but the book will be available sooner.
I believe you can email
[email protected] (Melanie)

and place an order for Father's Touch By Donald D'Haene

Thanks

12

My book made the cover of Belgium's newspaper

by morrisamb in

my book father's touch about my experience with sexual abuse as a jehovah's witness made the cover and inside section of belgium's newspaper, kraant van west vlaanderen.. check out this link to read the headlines and then the two windows to see the images.. http://www.fatherstouch.com/about.htm

morrisamb

Thank you for your interest. My book is written in English. I live in Canada. Anyone in the world will be able to order the book through Amazon.com later on this summer. Meanwhile, some options: you may want to place an order with the American company here is their ordering email address:
[email protected] (Melanie)

Check this link for release information:
PUBLISHER DIRECT BOOKSTORE
http://www.pdbookstore.com/HealingRecovery.htm

12

My book made the cover of Belgium's newspaper

by morrisamb in

my book father's touch about my experience with sexual abuse as a jehovah's witness made the cover and inside section of belgium's newspaper, kraant van west vlaanderen.. check out this link to read the headlines and then the two windows to see the images.. http://www.fatherstouch.com/about.htm

morrisamb

Thanks. The writer who is the paper's editor in chief wrote this in one section:
(translating from Flemish)

It is an unbelievable story...then he quotes from one of my articles:

For example, consider the protection that powerful institution, the church, provided our abuser, my father. My younger brother disclosed the abuse to our mother, two years later, my older brother confided in the ministers of our congregation. To report our abuse would have involved the Children's Aid Society, which would have removed us from our father's reach. Although our father was excommunicated by the congregation and our mother was publicly reproved for not reporting the incidents to the ministers earlier, we four children were sent back home with our abuser. Therefore, although the congregation was protected, the abuser's children and the public at large were not.

12

My book made the cover of Belgium's newspaper

by morrisamb in

my book father's touch about my experience with sexual abuse as a jehovah's witness made the cover and inside section of belgium's newspaper, kraant van west vlaanderen.. check out this link to read the headlines and then the two windows to see the images.. http://www.fatherstouch.com/about.htm

morrisamb

My book Father's Touch about my experience with sexual abuse as a Jehovah's Witness made the cover and inside section of Belgium's newspaper, Kraant Van West Vlaanderen.

Check out this link to read the headlines and then the two windows to see the images.

http://www.fatherstouch.com/About.htm

49

Dateline and Perspective

by non_trias_theos in

two people can behold the same situation and conclude totally different things from their observations.

the pharisees saw jesus performing miracles and thought that he was empowered by beelzebub.

others watched the same thaumaturgic wonders and praised jesus as the son of god.

morrisamb

Dear Non, over 20 years ago, I would have responded just the way you are, even though I had been a victim for 11 years.

But I want you to look at this statement you made:

The elders have simply tried to help all concerned--both the sinner and the victims. They may have made mistakes in their loving efforts to be helpful to all concerned.

Then read this section in my book, Father's Touch. I know you want to believe the Elders have done everything they could. At the very least, perhaps the Dateline episode will help sincere ministers/Elders to do more:

Papa is called into a meeting with three Elders. Mama is angry with Ronny for breaking the silence. Her private humiliation is about to go outside her inner circle. The four of us are told we must testify before the Elders. Ronny is fifteen, I’m twelve, Marina is ten, and Erik is seven.

Papa confesses to the accusations. How could he not? Why would his four children lie? Why would Mother? Besides, his silence upon Erik’s disclosure had been an admission of guilt two years earlier. His quiet admission of guilt now is really not that surprising. Perhaps his silence serves a purpose. Wouldn’t a self-defensive posture or an antagonistic approach add to an already explosive situation?

My naiveté and innocence are thrown into the public arena for the first time. I feel like a witness for the prosecution. I’m excited that our secret is finally coming out. “My life will change for the better,” I tell myself. “God’s Elders will hug me and tell me God loves me just like Jesus did to his disciples.”

We four children are called to the hall to tell the Elders about Papa’s abuse of us. I am nervous but not frightened. After Ronny leaves the room at the end of the Hall, I am called in.

I walk into a tiny room with five chairs. I sit before three men of God. I completely believe that these men are God’s chosen Elders. I know Mama believes in them. Even Papa believes in them. I cannot, will not, lie to God’s helpers.

“You realize how important it is to tell the truth? It is God’s will that you do,” one Elder tells me.

“Yes!” I promise.

“Describe the sexual acts with your father. What did you do exactly? How often? How many years?”

As odd as I feel, I am enjoying this attention. Thinking Donald describes The Game perfectly. I’ve repeated this monologue before. Explaining Erik’s disclosure to Mama is a rehearsal for this revelation now. After all, she asked the same kinds of questions but when we told her, she cried. I am on a stage again, but this time God is listening. I know what I say has significance. Why, I do not know, but I know just the same.

No one asks me how I feel or how I felt. No one touches me. The questions are cold, blunt, and matter of fact. I haven’t the nerve to ask questions. As always, Thinking Donald has no tears.

“Thank you. We’ll call you back later.” I am dismissed.

An Elder steps out of the small room.

“Next, Marina.”

The assembly line of D’Haene children continues into the back room. I sit on a chair in the main hall. To say I have no comprehension of what is happening to me is an understatement.

“Papa is bad and he’s going to be punished,” Mama tells me.

I’m involved in something very bad. I feel like I’m in a television courtroom drama and the show is long and boring. I can’t turn the channel! Erik is sitting next to me waiting his turn. I kick the legs of the chair in front of me…waiting and waiting.

Finally Mama is called in to answer questions.

“I did not tell anyone because I was embarrassed for de kids, for me, even for Daniel. What would you Elders t’ink of us? I kept everyt’ing to myself for so long, I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I know dat Daniel influenced me to keep everyt’ing quiet.”

“It was very wrong of you not to report the situation to us.”

“I truly feel horrible and guilty and pray God will forgive me. I am ashamed. Yes, at first I was shocked and angry at Ronny for telling and den I knew it was de best t’ing to do. But still I was ashamed and did not want many to know.”

Within days, another meeting is called. Once again, I’m in the little room with the big men. This time Mama and my brothers and sister are with me. One of the men starts talking.

“Your father will be disfellowshipped and your mother publicly reproved for conduct unbecoming a Christian….When your father comes to meetings, he will sit at the back of the hall. You will sit with him and your mother. Remember, you must still honor your father as head of the household.”

I am dizzy. “Mother publicly reproved…sit at the back of the hall …honor your Father.” I can’t hear the rest of what this Elder is mumbling.

I am happy. I understand Papa’s excommunication will mean he is no longer a Jehovah’s Witness. That makes sense. God’s people do not play The Game with their children. They also don’t ask their children to lie about it to their Mama.

I am confused. How shall we “honor” our father? He never talks to us unless we play The Game. Does God expect my siblings and me to honor our father in some things but not in others?

I am sad. Mama’s being punished because of my testimony. Why? I don’t understand! Mama’s hurting and Papa has something to do with it. I have something to do with my mother’s pain.

How can I feel sad yet happy at the same time? The big secret is out, but a dark cloud continues to hover over us. I am afraid of these men, but God must have told them to do this.

copyright 2002, American Book Publishing
www.fatherstouch.com
http://www.pdbookstore.com/HealingRecovery.htm
[email protected] (Melanie)