Wanted to let you know that I've been looking for your pm, but I don't see any messages in my inbox. I didn't want you to think I'm just not responding to your pm.
Knb1983
JoinedPosts by Knb1983
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Hi Joliette
by Knb1983 inwanted to let you know that i've been looking for your pm, but i don't see any messages in my inbox.
i didn't want you to think i'm just not responding to your pm..
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Hi!! New Here and need to express some feelings
by Knb1983 ini'm so glad i happened to stumble across this website cause i really need to express what i've been holding inside for quite some time.
i'm 27 and was born and raised in the "truth".
i'm married and my husband was also raised as a jw, been married for almost 7 years and have two kids who have just started kindergarten and preschool.
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Knb1983
OnTheWayOut -- You're right my brothers never were baptized and don't have anything to do with the JW's. They were pretty much normal teens. My parents got divorced and my mom couldn't pull off the guilt trips with them, so they got to do the fun and crazy things that teens do and have fun with friends.
Ding -- It feels wonderful to get this stuff out! It's amazing to see this forum and realize my husband and I are not alone, that there are so many people who have been raised in this religion and have gotten out and are happy about that decision.
I was telling my husband just last night that I feel like I was brainwashed as a kid. I don't blame my parents or anyone else that was in the congregation, because they were all brainwashed too. It feels like a punch in the gut to slowly start realizing that the only religion I know is a sham. I've lived my life with the fear of Armageddon in the back of my mind constantly since I was old enough to really understand what it meant. I can't wait to read the books that some of ya'll recommended.
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Thousands of people have come and gone from this site....is this part of the healing process???
by Witness 007 ini see alot of new names here lately and if you look at the log on names here there are thousands who have moved on....every 2 years the posters change.....some vent and leave, others stay on for years.
i guess moving on with your life is a good thing, i think this site helps...any thoughts?.
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Knb1983
I'm a newbie here and have been on this site for hours now reading through different threads, and I have to say I feel so relieved to know that I'm not alone in my feeling towards the organization. I'm so thankful for finding this forum at this time in my life. I feel empowered to seriously start researching and figuring out things on my own that I have been doubting for a while now.
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Hi!! New Here and need to express some feelings
by Knb1983 ini'm so glad i happened to stumble across this website cause i really need to express what i've been holding inside for quite some time.
i'm 27 and was born and raised in the "truth".
i'm married and my husband was also raised as a jw, been married for almost 7 years and have two kids who have just started kindergarten and preschool.
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Knb1983
Thanks for being so welcoming! It feels so good to be able to have a place to come vent and talk about growing up a JW, and it's been a real eye opener to realize the damage that being raised in that religion has done to me. I feel like I've been in some kind of limbo for years because as strict as my parents were in regards to having friends and going out and just being a teen, we didn't really do much as a family and became irregular to the meetings and field service as I got older, so my teenage years were a bit confusing to say the least. I really appreciate the advice and research suggestions by the way!
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Hi!! New Here and need to express some feelings
by Knb1983 ini'm so glad i happened to stumble across this website cause i really need to express what i've been holding inside for quite some time.
i'm 27 and was born and raised in the "truth".
i'm married and my husband was also raised as a jw, been married for almost 7 years and have two kids who have just started kindergarten and preschool.
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Knb1983
Hello everyone! I'm so glad I happened to stumble across this website cause I really need to express what I've been holding inside for quite some time. I'm 27 and was born and raised in the "truth". I'm married and my husband was also raised as a JW, been married for almost 7 years and have two kids who have just started kindergarten and preschool. We have been inactive for years now, but my problem is I feel so confused about the way I was raised and what I was taught as a JW and the way I want to live my life now and raise my kids.
Some of my earliest memories are of going to the kingdom hall and out in service. I remember starting kindergarten and my mom and dad bringing that blue brochure (can't remember the name right now) to my teacher and going over all the things I couldn't perticipate in, but I got lucky in not being the only JW girl in my class. There were two other girls in my class and we all became best friends and were known as the "JW girls" among our classmates. Even though we had each other we still felt left out when our class had holiday parties or whatever else they did that we couldn't do, and we were sent to the library until everything was over. This was how elementary school was for all three of us. The other two girls had parents who were irregular to the meetings and were pretty much JW's in name only, so I had the strictest parents. In middle school I at least had the friends that I grew up with from kindergarten on, so that wasn't so bad socially. I couldn't associate with my classmates after school though and I couldn't play any sports or be a cheerleader or go to any school dances. Now when I reached high school I felt like an outsider. Most of the kids I didn't know and it was difficult for me to socialize and make new friends. Even within the congregation I didn't really have friends cause only certain families hung out together. I was a good kid, but i did have boyfriends that my parents didn't know about and would sneak around and lie so I could just go to the movies with them. I didn't go to parties when I was a teen, didn't go to any school dance except for one my junior year and that was only because I was on the yearbook staff and was assigned to take pictures. My mom guilted me out of going to my senior prom. The weekend of prom was the same weekend of a circuit assembly that my grandmother was assigned to and my mom and aunt decided to go so I felt like I had no choice but to go. After graduating I wanted to go away for college, but got guilted out of that so went to my local college so I could live at home. I dropped out after 3 semesters (whice is a huge regret) and ended up getting baptized (another huge regret, but at the time felt like I had to) so I could marry my husband. Despite the fact that I was born and raised a JW, my husband's family and some friends considered me a "worldly" person because I wasn't baptized. I do have to say that my husband didn't care what they thought and has had doubts for years about the JW's. I also have two younger brothers, but my parents were always more strict with me. I was always scared of disappointing my family, plus my mom could lay a guilt trip on me that you wouldn't believe, so I was the good girl who didn't do anything. And now my 23 yr. old brother is shacking up with his girlfriend and doesn't care what anyone thinks or says about it, he does what he wants. My 17 yr. old brother comes and goes as he pleases, has tons of friends, has girlfriends my parents actually know about, and got expelled from school for weed. But things were different for them because my parents got divorced about 6 yrs. ago. My dad was DF'd for a while but got reinstated and is now remarried and unhappy, my mom is inactive but will never question or doubt the religion she was also born and raised in
My problem now is even though we have been inactive, I used to think I could never turn my back on Jehovah and wondered how could someone who was raised as a JW turn to another religion or start celebrating the holidays or become apart of this "system of things". For a long while now I have wanted to research on my own the origins of the organization but felt scared and guilty for wanting to look outside of the information the society gives us. I've come to realize there's something wrong with being told what to believe and not being able ask questions about things that don't really make sense or being told not to do outside research or come to your own conclusions about the bible. I have lived with this fear of being destroyed at armageddon for as long as I can remember, and I can't live like that anymore. I don't want to think that my kids could be destroyed because of me, and I don't want to feel guilty for doubting alot of what I was taught growing up as a JW. My husband and I don't want to raise our kids the way we were raised. I want my kids to enjoy school and not feel left out. I've never celebrated a birthday or any holiday of course, but I find myself wondering how fun it would be to give my kids a birthday party or decorate and give presents for christmas or dress them up for holloween just for the fun of it. I don't want my kids to grow up feeling different and socially inept. I feel like I missed out on so much as a kid, and I don't want my kids to feel like that. I want to feel free to live my life the way I want and raise my kids the way my husband and I feel is right without the fear of being judged by my family and my in-laws. I don't know how or even if I should say how I feel to my family because I know what they will say, especially my grandmothers who have been JW's for many years and everytime I talk to them make me feel guilty for not going to the meetings with my kids. I want to get rid of feeling the obligation to not be a disappointment to my family and feel at peace with who I am now and what kind of life I want. I have talked to my husband about how I feel and he's felt the same way for years now about the JW's. I'm just really struggling with coming to terms with how I was raised and the person I am today.