Data-Dog- I completely understand the way you feel. Especially when you talked about not being able to play sports, college, or military. I have echoed those feelings before. Please read my post from last week called Everyone deserves a choice. You are already suffering from the negative effects of all of this crap. Being a "double-agent" isn't a choice my friend. It's lowering your head and going along with it, while muttering under your breath.
What if you just walked away from it all and started living your life for you today? You don't owe nobody at the KH an explanation, an argument, or anything. If it's unhealthy for you, just walk away.