I felt completely controlled, couldn't listen to the music I wanted, couldn't watch what I wanted on TV, couldn't go out to a bar or club like I wanted. Couldn't even have fun with the husband like I wanted. I felt like every aspect of my life was controlled and I had no free will to do anything that *I* wanted to do.
Posts by ~Jen~
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28While You Were A JW Did You Feel Controlled?
by minimus inthe governing body constantly tries to impose its will on jehovah's witnesses.
they really don't want you to do anything but society approved things.
everything is "bad".. we can see this quite clearly at this point.
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21
As A Witness Did You Typically Feel Guilty?
by minimus ini believe the way the organization keeps many people in its clutches is by means of guilt.
no one can adhere to all of the theocratic rules of the organization and they know that.
i believe jws do things to ease their consciences.
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~Jen~
Guilt is one of the things that made me leave the organization. I felt that no matter how hard I tried I could never do all the things that they were telling me I had to do in order to make it through. If I was going to die anyways, I figured I might as well go out in the "world" and die happy :D
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26
Dealing with Being DF'd
by ~Jen~ ini haven't posted much here but i feel like i need some support right now.
i did post my story, but basically i'm 27, married for 7 years and i was df'd in july.
i always knew i didn't want to be a jw but went along with everything because of fear.
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~Jen~
So I have another question if anyone is still reading this.
How do you deal with people? I have someone who is very much in my face about my decision - telling me that I should feel like it's a mistake. How could I just leave my husband (he wasn't THAT bad - but was physically and emotionally detached). She's determined to prove to me that things in the "world" are the same as things in the religion and that not wanting to be part of the religion was no reason to leave. Also asking me how my family and everyone shunning me could be worth it and pushing me to go back because things will be better for me back in even if I have to fake it than being "out" and having no one.
Any idea how I can deal with her? This transition is very up and down for me and she makes me feel so guilty for making the choice even though I know she has no idea.
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26
Dealing with Being DF'd
by ~Jen~ ini haven't posted much here but i feel like i need some support right now.
i did post my story, but basically i'm 27, married for 7 years and i was df'd in july.
i always knew i didn't want to be a jw but went along with everything because of fear.
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~Jen~
Thank you so much, your responses really do mean a lot to me right now.
OnTheWayOut - this is something that I've already discussed with my lawyer. I was thinking about it more and it's really not a step I'm ready to take right now especially with having the kids. However my lawyer did say that there is nothing that the EX can do unless the kids are not safe.
WTWizard - my parents really do love me. I know that. It's just they are torn. I am hoping they will come around.
Damocles - your post meant a lot to me. I'm still dealing with feelings of giving my kids a better life vs. feeling horribly guilty because they are now in a divided home. The EX wasn't a horrible person and I do have guilt for leaving him. We had major issues in the bedroom because of his fears of "God watching" and being unclean with his own other issues on top of that. And he didn't know how to care for me emotionally - his controlling parent moved into our basement and he started taking his parents side and throwing me "under the bus" every chance he could get. he wouldn't listed to anything I was saying and didn't care. Still, when I left it was a shock to his system because "people don't get divorced in the "truth"" He just expected that I would sit there and he didn't have to deal with anything because he just assumed I'd always be around. The whole marriage wasn't horrible, but he definitely was the wrong person for me. More like a brother than a husband lol. But alas - we married because he was spiritual *sigh*.
To be honest - I left because of stress in the marriage and at the time I still thought it was the "truth" but had so many doubts and knew from the hypocrisy I saw that even if it was the "truth" that I didn't want to live forever with these people. I was also feeling so weighed down - feeling like I could never do enough or be enough and I wasn't going to make it anyways. Then a friend of mine who left about 3 years ago pointed me to this website and I was relieved to find out that it really isn't the true religion! That at least the guilt that they tried to use about not being able to live forever with my kids wasn't true.
Anyways, I've seen the light finally. But this is tough. SO tough. I've been told what to do my whole life and even though I feel so free now it's still extremely scary.
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Dealing with Being DF'd
by ~Jen~ ini haven't posted much here but i feel like i need some support right now.
i did post my story, but basically i'm 27, married for 7 years and i was df'd in july.
i always knew i didn't want to be a jw but went along with everything because of fear.
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~Jen~
Thank you so much for the comments.
Moshe - I don't know whether this relationship will work out in the future or not but right now it's going pretty good. He's someone from my past and we liked each other when we were teenagers but I wasn't allowed to date him because he wasn't spiritual enough.
At the moment he does not live with me although we are considering it. I just worry that it will be a lot for my kids to deal with. (4 year old twins and a 2 year old). He's been around them and they love him but I just worry about that with my JW upbringing. Not to mention that my EX- who is still very in would flip right out since it's only been about 5-6 months.
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26
Dealing with Being DF'd
by ~Jen~ ini haven't posted much here but i feel like i need some support right now.
i did post my story, but basically i'm 27, married for 7 years and i was df'd in july.
i always knew i didn't want to be a jw but went along with everything because of fear.
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~Jen~
I haven't posted much here but I feel like I need some support right now. I did post my story, but basically I'm 27, married for 7 years and i was DF'd in July. I always knew I didn't want to be a JW but went along with everything because of fear. I got the nerve to leave my husband and was DF'd a couple weeks later. I am now with someone who I knew growing up - also was a JW and has been DF'd for 9 years. It's nice to have someone who can relate but at the same time I can still see the pain it causes him.
I have joint custody of my kids and I have my SO and that's it. I have no other friends and feel so alone. Last night I broke down because I missed my family so much - my parents(my father is an elder) and my brothers. My parents have spoken with me twice since this happened. The last conversation I had with them they told me that they just wanted me to be happy and if this was going to make me happy then that's all they could hope for. After I left my husband they got to know him and his controlling parents more and told me they completely understand why I left him. My Ex husband is rarely letting them see the kids so we talked about me dropping my kids off so they could spend time with them. My parents also told me I was still a great mother and they would support me in the court system if it came down to the Ex trying to get full custody.
After that I called them to make sure they had my number and discussed with my father about having them watch the kids some days when I was at work. Then weeks later I sent them a text message seeing if they could watch my kids for me because I had to study for an exam. They didn't reply. I called them and they didn't answer.
I guess I'm confused about mixed signals from them for one - and secondly I just really miss them. I'm pretty well all on my own and some days are so so hard. Last night I just wanted to call my mom and have her tell me everything would be ok but I can't.
Does it get easier? Will they come around? Will they always be wishy-washy, talk to me one day and then completely ignore me the rest of the time? Will I always feel so alone?
I've learned that disfellowshipping is the worst thing you can do to someone. I guarantee most people who "go back" are going back for people - whether it's fake friendships or not, I understand that now.
I don't believe it's the true religion and I'm out to show my kids there's something more to life. I will never go back, especially not for people but I need to know that i won't feel like this forever.
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19
In your experience how many DFd return to the WTS?
by teel infrom the 11/15/09 wt study article: "it is heartwarming to know that a large number of such ones [disfellowshipped ones] later return to jehovah and his congregation...".
this is a typical cult phrase, where they use a generic unverifiable statement to prove a point.
so, since we're not likely to get an official answer from the wt, how many of the dfd ones in your vicinity has actually been reinstated?.
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~Jen~
When I was in my JC meeting, they were basically begging for me to just apologize and I just wanted to be DF'd. They told me that once DF'd over half don't ever come back.
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14
My best weight loss tip!
by Newborn in...leave a sect and your marriage at the same time.... i lost 5 kilos in a month.
tee hee.
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~Jen~
Same thing happened to me - left the religion and marriage at the same time. Now I'm the smallest I've been in 10 years :P
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16
Could the GB Perceive Preaching As Worthless?
by metatron inwe're seeing a lot of changes that suggest that a drift in attitude may be occuring in regard to the "preaching" work.
the latest info on having (real) love for your neighbor(i.e.
charity) is just more of the same.. they cut literature, magazines - and distribution of magazines and pray, pray, pray and still the donations don't come in to allow them to do what they want.
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~Jen~
I wouldn't be surprised at all if they wound down the preaching work. There have already been numerous talks given by "anointed" brothers who say that the GB feels as if the worldwide work HAS been preached in fullfillment of Matthew 24:14 and now we're just waiting for the end to come. Not sure if that has been printed in literature or not but I have most definitely heard it in at least 2 talks.
Good spin to wind it down without raising suspision.
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Has anyone dealt with custody issues after leaving?
by ~Jen~ ini left my husband at the end of june.
we were having a lot of issues in our marriage that i tried to talk about and he refused to see or even acknowledge.
me leaving was the final straw but to him i just up and left for "no reason".
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~Jen~
Thanks - and I just posted in the private forum. Who are the mods?