Nice to talk Hobo, and pleased to meet you.
I am a newb just like you. I have limited post like you, and as much as i loathe "spending" another one on her, I will. I don't "know her", I only see where she is coming from. I have a hard time continuing with WANTING to know, when she skirts so very much. It has bothered me deeply to see the attention she gets from others here, as I draw the conclusion that since she is causing conflict, she is doing her job as a good Christian. I do regret the way I approached her here on this thread to some degree, but felt it was the only way to get a point across. Once again, a skirting reply that danced around valid points while running away after quoting a scripture. I feel sorry for her, and would love to have an open talk with her, but she is not sincere enough to be able. From one of her recent posts, I see she is 3rd gen. Hence, she is heavily indoctrinated.
Actually we can back it up even a little more. Going back to her very first thread here on this board. (im not doing this to hurt you Reniaa)
I've been a faded JW for 10 years I left because of my failed first marriage, I'm no hypocrite and realised I had left completely so I embraced the world and dived in, Only christmas and birthdays I could not get into, they were too foreign to me having never celebrated them, like if I suddenly tried to do ramadan or something like that.
Similarily to myself, I was a "fader" for about the same time. Apocrophyl posted here the other day, and i wrote her a little note as I made many mistakes coming out. My biggest; diving headfirst into "the world". It was the biggest mistake of my life, as I wanted nothing more than to form another identity, as i had only known 1 of life, my whole life, and figured this was the right way to do it. I did the complete opposite of the way in which i was raised. Instead of jumping over the hurdle in coming out, I formed another one making the whole process of leaving even harder.
1/ All the criticisms of the people in the truth you say on here, I've found in the world, warts and all only in the world nothing holds them back from being utterly horrible to you.
I couldn't agree more. You have to be VERY careful of who you trust in the world...it's a very sobering revelation. I shared my soul with people I wish I never. In the truth, you think you can trust most everyone...that carries over to the world when you leave unless you know to be careful already. Not EVERYONE here criticizes though. Not everyone in the 'world' does either. Unless you learn to 'pick and choose', you leave yourself open for hurt. Being raised in the truth, you NEVER have the option. Accept it, there is no other option except that.
2/ I got stabbed by a worldly boyfriend, I got married 2 times of my own choosing to men outside the truth, the first smoked and was an alcoholic, the second gambled every penny we had and defrauded me out of money after we separated, 2 divorces later I am currently pregnant and a single mum since current boyfriend decided kids was to much of a responsibility and he needed his freedom and I was 'too selfish to expect him to give up his life'.
I now see why Reniaa lives in fear. Look at all the hurdles she has to jump over, BEFORE she could even THINK about anything else. Reniaa. From my own personal experience, can i ask you...Were you like me? Did you feel like you needed to be loved by someone else to feel better about everything? I made most of my mistakes thinking that way. I have no kids, and can;t imagine the load you have had to carry over time. Many worldly people ARE assholes! But not ALL, and certainly not everyone on this board. Many Witnesses ARE assholes too, but certainly not all.
4/ I miss the honest friendships of the truth, I had friends of all ages from 14 to 80 years old and they genuinely cared for me, many trying to keep me in the faith a long time after I left but I was determined to fade so moved away completely, but I find friendships in the world so shallow in comparison and very hard to sustain :( I've never been a drinker and sometimes thats what friendship means you being a companion for them to goto pub with.
I can relate Reniaa, so well. I miss my old relationships. EVERY single day I miss em. I miss my days of ignorance often too. Like you, I'm not there anymore. I too, could relate to so many people of varying ages, cause we all had one thing in common, but we don't anymore. I still LOVE it when i bump into some of them here and there, but I don't miss the superficial relationships we had. I donlt feel it's fair to them to mix like we used to, cause it means I'm not being honest to them, and in turn,myself. I'm sorry Reniaa. My current g/f is different than most worldlings that I know, it's part of the reason that I love her. It's not all as black and white as you think my dear...I wish it was some days, truly i do. Grey is my favorite color.
5/ My recent boyfriend was in a christian religion, I thought why not find out about it, Harvest churches if you ever heard of them, unfortunately it still hasn't stop him leaving me pregnant and alone and when I said to him how does he clear that with God, he replies "As long as I repent it doesn't matter" it's like he has a "get out of jail free card" for any wrong-doing in the bible, this is so alien to me and my witness trained conscience.
As you know firsthand, it doesn't matter what religion your part of, you are who YOU are, not what a religion will MAKE YOU. I know, that you know, many people that are in the truth are capable of this. I'm not criticizing the truth Reniaa. People ARE people. You can't change that. We were alwys taught that you could, but we ARE older and we know better...now. I'm sorry Reniaa.
6/ I recently out of frustration tried looking into atheism and joined their forums, It wasn't fun, they are as bombastic and arrogant as their Religious counterparts can be from any religion, they make a religion out of not believing in God, It's very weird they talk of saving people from believing in god and offer nothing to replace it. They said to me "be happy you are in reality now and enjoy it" and I thought "well if this is reality I've had enough of it".
If we do ANYTHING out of frustration, we do it wrong usually. I have come to accept, that you can't make a good decision based on emotion. Out as long as i have been, Atheism scares me. I left the Truth, and when I actually acknowledged what I was looking at, it SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME. Adam and Eve took no responsibility for their actions...I think the Genesis account in this regard is true now.We are responible for the direction we CHOOSE to go in. Free will. I will approach atheism when I am ready, and on my terms. Until then, I have to get comfortable with where I'm at first. Completely.
So here I am feeling like the prodigal daughter and thinking being among warm-hearted if strict people who will accept me back and give me a sense of community again that I haven't seen in any other christian faith for all I've looked, has gotta be better than being shoved and shunned and used by people who have stopped caring for each other and only think of themselves.
Your thoughts please?
You have my thoughts. I'm sorry for the long road you have travelled and what it has brought you in return. I know how it feels, beleive me. Stay in the truth Reniaa, if thats what you need. Please realize that it's YOUR need, and not everyone else here on the board. My Witness friends, in which I love and miss SO much, would love it if you chose to stay. Go back and look at your threads that you have started Reniaa. LOOK at the post counts! If it's not apparent now that people REALLY CARE, you are enver going to see it.People here, just want you to come to a decision, a GROUNDED, DEFINITE decision. By coming here, skirting oh so many questions, it becomes apparent that you haven't. It's not a dig against you, its just an observation.
The conflict within yourself, is going to make you sick Reniaa. Please make your stand. For yourself, for your children...for Jehovah. Live by it and it will make you better, whatever you choose. I know how tough it is and how heartwrenching it can be, growing up a 3rd Generation JW and not being able to make a decision for yourself. It makes the ones we HAVE to make now, SO much harder.
Please take care. Please try and let us deal with the things WE need to, instead of trying to make this about you. Many people; myself included,would love to help you...whatever way you choose to go. In turn, you can help others. Maybe one day you can write someone a letter like this, and show someone how much you actually care.No one is telling you what to do here, please Reniaa, from the bottom of my wee heart, don't fight what's being offered. Many people here would love to help you, but only if you choose. I KNOW that since all Witness aren't bad, there are many that will want to help you; but only if you choose. Thats the BEST part about this, you get to CHOOSE!
Sorry I called you a harlot.
lurk3r
