Posts by Jesika

24

My Story

by Yizuman in

jw
friends

they remained inside my ears for 10 months.

that's one good example of it's use.

she then drove back to the drug store and got another bottle.

Jesika

GOOD LORD!!!!!!!!!! When you emailed me and told me it was long, you weren't kidding.

I hope writting your story was as healing for you as it was for me.

You have come a long way since all that has happened to you. Like I told you before keep your chin up and things will work out. Financal situations are temporary, and change. So, you took the advice of those on the board and things are looking better.

Good luck on the job hunt. You told me you got a call from someone about a job, how did that turn out?

(btw----yes I did read the whole story)

Love,

Jesika

16

Reverse Thinking

by Yizuman in

jw
friends

for years i've been reading and talking to people who are out of the organization either by being df'ed or da'ed themselves from the so called "truth".. my main concern is that once the former jdubs are out, they start to reverse their thinking from everything the jdubs had learned that is considered a "no no", ranging from sex, satanism, getting into pornagraphy, drugs, alcohol, rock music, smoking, reading ouji boards and anything else they can get their hands into that was considered forbidden by the wt.

even some decided to reverse their thinking from believing "there is a god" to "there is no god".. while i can understand the anger and bitterness that has resulted from realizing how they have been deceived by the wt for many years.

i am concerned about the destructive behavior that ex-jdubs are getting themselves into.. sure it gives ex-jdubs a sense of total freedom and go wild on everything that was forbidden to them.

Jesika

Yiz,

In answer to your ?, I used to believe in god when I was very young. Around the age of 12 I started to ? if there really was a god. Why I never felt that my prayers were listened to. I am not saying that I prayed and they were unanswered, I never felt anyone was LISTENING. I was just doing was I was always taught to do. When I would ask why I didn't feel anyone was listening, my "faith" was in ?

So, do I believe that god allowed this to happen to me, well that I can't answer. Since I haven't ruled out that possibity of there being a god. On the other hand, why not just let me go to school and learn how to help instead of putting me through abuse for my whole life. I think if god is a loving god, this wouldn't be the route he would take. IMHO

So, I believe in my conscience, no I don't always listen to it, but I am the one to blame if I don't-- Not satan, and if I do something good, I don't blame god either, I take the credit for my own mistakes, or good decisions.

Jesika

Edited by - Jesika on 11 December 2002 17:51:26

16

Reverse Thinking

by Yizuman in

jw
friends

for years i've been reading and talking to people who are out of the organization either by being df'ed or da'ed themselves from the so called "truth".. my main concern is that once the former jdubs are out, they start to reverse their thinking from everything the jdubs had learned that is considered a "no no", ranging from sex, satanism, getting into pornagraphy, drugs, alcohol, rock music, smoking, reading ouji boards and anything else they can get their hands into that was considered forbidden by the wt.

even some decided to reverse their thinking from believing "there is a god" to "there is no god".. while i can understand the anger and bitterness that has resulted from realizing how they have been deceived by the wt for many years.

i am concerned about the destructive behavior that ex-jdubs are getting themselves into.. sure it gives ex-jdubs a sense of total freedom and go wild on everything that was forbidden to them.

Jesika

I remember a talk given by a visiting brother in my cong. I can't remember what the talk was about, but I still to this day I remember an illustration given by this brother, almost word for word............................

"If you hold a spring in your hand tightly, then one day you have to open your hand------the spring will bounce around out of control. If you take that same spring and over time slowly open your hand, when you have to open it all the way, the spring will remain in your hand."

The (ironic) moral to this story had to do with parents and the freedom you should allow your children in the yrs of them growing up. If you have a tight hold on them untill they are 18 they will go wild, but if you allow them some freedom over the yrs, then they will remain in the place they should be.

I remember looking up at my father after the moral was explained (we sat in the 3rd row, in the frount--always), the next thing I know I am being pinched on my arm sooooooooo hard I flinched, and then had tears in my eyes from the pain.

That was my silent approach and plea to him to-- GET THE POINT!!!

Well, needless to say, the plea was unanswered and I was severely punished for the embarrassment it caused him by me looking up at him right after the moral was stated ( I was about 12-13 at the time).

I have made no reservations about my lifestyle. I was a stripper, did drugs, was very sexually active, and experiemented with ouijia boards, tartot cards, and I no longer believe in "God" either.

This stemmed from my abuse------you name it, I have been through it. I have been out of the JW religion for 12yrs. I didn't do all these things in a short amount of time. I do think however, that being told "you can't" for so long makes you say "YES I CAN."

Yes, these things aren't the best things in the world to do, but neither is being a JW.

I often wonder who I could have been if I hadn't been raised this way. Would I still believe in God??? I don't know, but I do know that I don't and I have no reason to. Do I regret things I have done??? WHO doesn't regret something they have done. I don't regret the lessons I have learned in the process, and those are priceless. These things I have gone through allow me to relate to almost anyone I come in contact with. So, I feel I have gone through this for a reason, if nothing else to make my son aware and to answer almost any ? he has.

Would I take it all back?? Being a JW??? I can't honestly say, cause I don't know what kind of person I would be today if I hadn't been through what I have been through.

Just my 2cents,

Jesika

Edited by - jesika on 11 December 2002 2:7:39

10

Birthday Today!

by livingagain in

jw
friends

posted this in jw news and events but meant to post it here.. please read and give your comments.

i have been on this new job for the past 10 months and when i went there i was still a loyal jw and told them i did not celebrate holidays and birthdays.

being a wt slave for the past 27 years just recently (4/5 months) took off the physical chains but still have the mental shackles on to a degree.

Jesika

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

I don't like to celebrate mine either. I have been out for 12 yrs and just don't care to celebrate mine. I go out and drink to celebrate. The main reason is because my birthday is the day after Christmas, and everyone forgets anyway. So, I go out with a friend, or my boyfriend and drink and have a good dinner and some fun. As far as a party-------still NEVER had one. I celebrate it myself with someone close to me. Being born on Dec 26th, I never thought about that being a "bad" day to be born on, but evidently it is since everyone is with family or out of town.

Enjoy your birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I make sure I do, alone or not!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love,

Jesika

36

Ask God a Question

by JH in

jw
friends

.

if you had 1 question that you could ask god, what would it be?

Jesika

Is there other intelligent life? (hoping he wouldn't laugh at humans classifing themselves this way)

Of course I don't believe in god so I guess I wouldn't be in the line to ask any ?'s huh?

18

What are they saying? Competition.

by dmouse in

jw
friends

ok, i was having a chuckle to myself this morning looking at this month's pictures on the jw calendar, which depicts the cheesy activities of the elders.

i was wondering if folks would like to suggest what they are actually saying on this picture: .

my suggestion is: .

Jesika

Elder-------Well, since you are in the hospital we figured we would bring the judical comm. to you.

Mom--------Oh my, what has my daughter done?

Elder-------Well actually sister X, we came to talk to you. We will wait untill they roll your daughter off into surgery before we start.

Mom--------What a blessing from Jehovah to bring me spritual food in our time of need.

(Can I puke now )

13

Never let me down again

by Pleasuredome in

when i decided to stop going meetings, i text sister who was a good friend, and told her that i wasnt continuing with meetings and the reason why, because of child abuse policy etc.

i asked her if she would like to stay in touch.

she said that even though she agreed with me, she's 'not one to keep in contact, and i'm not one to judge either'.

Jesika

Hey hon,

Well, I was raised in it, and so all my friends were in it too. When I was df'd at 15, I had had a best friend in the same cong since I was about 5 or 6. Well, we would sneak and talk sometimes, or she would smile at me at the meeting.

I later went on to foster care that same yr and would call her and talk to her briefly on the phone.

Then one day, out of the blue, she told me not to call her anymore. I was devistated. I still miss her!!

I hope one day she will get out of the borg and try to find me, but I am not holding my breathe, that was 12 yrs ago.

Jesika

26

disfellowshiped meeting

by desy2477 in

when i for my hearing where i had to tell the elders what i had been up to, they asked real personal questions such as where did you do it?, did you go down on him?, were you drunk?, and the big one did you use any toys or vegetables as sex tools?

now i don't know about everyone elses disfellowshiping meetings but did this happen for you?.

anyway has anyone experienced similar?

Jesika

I was df'd for lying, profanity, and loose conduct (my mom walked in my room unannounced and saw a hickey on my chest).

The elders had known me since I was 4 yrs old. I was 15 at the time of my "meeting" with them(one of many I had been to I might add). They asked for details and I refused to give them any. I just kept saying it was a bruise. They didn't believe me of course and so I was df'd for being unrepentant. Which was ok, I had planned to get df'd anyways.

For them to ask such ?'s in beyond wrong. Plus it is none of their god #$%* business!!!! Which was my thinking when I was 15 as well. Being an elders daughter my attitude was far from what they expected of me.

I also want to know where in the HELL THE VEGETABLE ? comes from???? sheesh *yes I had sex with a banana*--- good grief

Edited by - Jesika on 10 December 2002 12:15:0

150

Financial Help.

by Yizuman in

jw
friends

hit my posting limit and am using my second account..... i don't know if anyone can help or not.. but i am in a desprate situation whereas i have to swallow my pride and seek out some help.. i am behind rent as well as my morgage ( i own a moble home on a lot rent).. need food as well.. phone needs to stay in service since i am deaf and need it as part my text communication for hopes of landing a better job.

sister can email me to let me know if a employer calls, so i can drive over and find out what's up from there.. i work at wal-mart and alot of us have our hours cut to 20+ hrs a week, so this is hurting me fianacially.. job hunts is hard since i am deaf since most employers seems to prefer hiring a hearing person.. i know of a deaf friend who is unemployed and he went thru 20 job interviews in a month.

none of them ever called or emailed him to say he got a job.. family can't help since they all have their own problems to deal with.. i can post all the info you need if anyone needs it, such as my landlord's address and my morgage address if anyone wants to mail a check directly to them.

Jesika

Thank you Craig!!!!!

That means alot to me and I hope Yiz won't let me down. I really do believe him, and I know he won't let me down.

Yiz-----I know you won't make a liar outta me!!!!! Use the resources given to you. Let me know how your new resume comes out!!!!

Jesika

150

Financial Help.

by Yizuman in

jw
friends

hit my posting limit and am using my second account..... i don't know if anyone can help or not.. but i am in a desprate situation whereas i have to swallow my pride and seek out some help.. i am behind rent as well as my morgage ( i own a moble home on a lot rent).. need food as well.. phone needs to stay in service since i am deaf and need it as part my text communication for hopes of landing a better job.

sister can email me to let me know if a employer calls, so i can drive over and find out what's up from there.. i work at wal-mart and alot of us have our hours cut to 20+ hrs a week, so this is hurting me fianacially.. job hunts is hard since i am deaf since most employers seems to prefer hiring a hearing person.. i know of a deaf friend who is unemployed and he went thru 20 job interviews in a month.

none of them ever called or emailed him to say he got a job.. family can't help since they all have their own problems to deal with.. i can post all the info you need if anyone needs it, such as my landlord's address and my morgage address if anyone wants to mail a check directly to them.

Jesika

There hasn't been any post about Yizuman being a "deaf mom". He has always showed himself to be a deaf male. He has mentioned his sister here but has never made mention of being a female or having children.

OUTLAW-------------READ THE ABOVE STATEMENT BY ME PLEASE!!! ^

I asked Yizuman to retract the statement about asking for money, cause it was wrong. I also asked him to apologize to Simon, he has done both of these things. Yiz is in a situation that made him panic and not think of what he was doing. We have all done this, as far as saying things we didn't mean and can't take back.

Thank you for everyone who is trying to help and I know Yiz will use them to the fullest.

Sincerely.

Jesika