I need help with a work situation. Background, I work part time at an office where the owner Vince, has a brother, Gerry who is kind of a manager, he actually hired me 2 1/2 yrs ago. The office is small, 2 other women work there in the evenings with me, altho another relative of V & G just started (their nephew, very young). Last week a situation came up regarding a work policy, Nancy ( a newer co worker) had a question re: said policy. Vince said to do it X way. I said that Gerry had said 6 mths ago to do it Y way. Vince said in that case we, as a group would speak to Gerry the following night when we were all together to see what was what. I said good because I needed to be clear on it. Vince agreed.
The next night I got in & only Gerry was there. I said is Vince coming in? Gerry said he didn't know, maybe, why? I said we,as a group needed to talk about something, that we needed to have a meeting about it..Gerry said nothing else. Later, Vince came in & he & Gerry were standing outside their offices speaking about something. As soon as they finished, I said "Gerry, do you remember about 6 mths ago you told us to no longer do Y. He looked at me straight in the eye & said No, I was dumbfounded because this is a man who has what I would call a photographic memory, he can remember obscure facts about a client going back years, he is very intelligent & can expound on a variety of topics & does on many occations. I said "well you did" At that point his whole demeanor changed. His face changed, his coloring changed, his stance changed, he took his one arm & lifted it up over his head & put it on the door jam..that was an agressive stance as was his following words: " IS THAT WHY YOU CALLED ME OUT HERE111. IS THAT WHY YOU CALLED THIS MEETING111 (my explanation point doesnt' work). I felt verbally attacked,,,he was yellowing & spitting out his words. My heart started beating fast & for a moment I lost my voice, I couldn't believe what was happening over a simple question. He said something else which I can't remember (my memory goes,my thinking goes when being that agressively attacked, it's a throwback to an abusive rageing father) but I answered him with: "that's right".
He went into his office & I sat down at my desk. I was shaking & my heart was racing. I couldn't think straight. Finally, I just kept thinking "this isn't right, this isn't right" So, I got up,went into his office,closed the door & said "I really don't appreciate being talked to that way. He started screaming at me :YOU THREW ME UNDER THE BUS...YOU THRU ME UNDER THE BUS. So I started screaming back at him: ''I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU A QUESTION, I JUST WANTED TO GET CLARIFICATION OVER A MATTER THAT CAME UP. HE SAID: " YOU THREW ME UNDER THE BUS, I'M 50 YEARS OLD, DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHEN SOMEONE IS THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS? I NEVER DID THAT TO YOU!!!! I said: "VINCE SAID WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS AS A GROUP, THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU WHAT I DID!!!! We went on this way for many minutes back & forth getting nothing accomplished....finally we stopped & I walked out. I couldn't initially stand up to his attack but I did go into his office to tell him what I felt.
Basically that's the way it ended that night. Vince never said anything to me, he did talk to Gerry outside though. I wouldn't say anything to either of them. I had to regroup & get my thoughts together. Over the weekend I had time to go over everything..I looked up some information on acceptable workplace behavior & it stated: when someone takes an agressive tone or ties to intimidate or humiliate an employee in front of co workers (which is exactly what happened) that is called being a bully & that is definitely not acceptable. And if that happens you have to speak with a supervisor or employer. In this case that is Vince, Gerry's brother, who did nothing to intercede in my befalf when he could have, first when the incident started, & while it was taking place, he could have said : "Gerry, we did discuss this the other night & she is right to ask you that question" Or he could have told Gerry he was over reacting at any time. But nothing was said. To me this is totally unacceptable..
I have been feeling for the past month that looking back at my time in the org., I feel was an abusive relationship. One where the powers that be ruled & controlled my life to my detriment. That at the least it was spiritual abuse & emotional abuse. And I've been very strongly feeling NO ONE is going to do that to me again.
Therefore, if I want to keep my job, which I do because it is close to my house (gas prices), the job market has slowed down (not a good time to be unemployed) and, I'm not in the best frame of mind to be starting a new job (going through alot of changes mentally after leaving org. after 20 years) I do have to have this matter settled. I plan on telling Vince that I don't approve of Gerry's behavior, that is was/is unacceptable. That I expect nothing less than a public apology. I also need an apology from him (Vince) for not interceding in my behalf, since he as an employer is obligated to provide a safe environment.
I can see getting an apology from Gerry, but not one from Vince, he is a very proud man & I don't see him being accepting of ultimatums. I don't know though. I can no longer work there unless these terms are met, or correction, I will not quit, I will work there & do my job but it will be uncomfortable for them. I will not give them the common curtesy of a hello or goodbye. If they want to fire me, that's well & good, but I'm not quitting. That's my stand. Any insights would be welcome.
