Posts by sh4m3sh4m3

42

Hey guess what?

by sh4m3sh4m3 in

apparently my posts are too hard to read.

i will try to post with as few words as possible for you uneducated ex witnesses who never got a chance to go to college.

some of you have been more than kind, but a lot of you are just assholes.

sh4m3sh4m3

Ya, but you knew I was talking about you. Didn't ya?

42

Hey guess what?

by sh4m3sh4m3 in

apparently my posts are too hard to read.

i will try to post with as few words as possible for you uneducated ex witnesses who never got a chance to go to college.

some of you have been more than kind, but a lot of you are just assholes.

Apparently my posts are too hard to read. I will try to post with as few words as possible for you uneducated ex witnesses who never got a chance to go to college. Some of you have been more than kind, but a lot of you are just assholes.

26

the meetup

by sh4m3sh4m3 in

so, i went to an ex jw meetup last night & the weirdest thing happened.

one of the elders that went over my questions for baptism with me, was there.

and i don't live in a small area.

sh4m3sh4m3

No, I think she believes me. I just mean, that she isn't willing to think about it. It's too hard for her to imagine leaving at this point. She validates me; she'll say things like, "I know it's hard, but you just have to keep with it." She agrees with a lot of what I say, but she doesn't get that you can't hang on to something wrong or false, just because it's easier than causing waves. You know? I think everyone has their own agenda. Whatever circumstances they left the WTB&TS in, that's what they want to drive home. No mean to offend...but I personally don't care about dates being wrong and them seeing new light. I personally don't think that is the societies biggest fault. It's that they claim to understand more than they do. And what's the harm in stating "we don't know." At the meetup some people had brought books and charts to show how wrong they were. I personally, think my energy would be better spent, not trying to point out the flaws and wrong that the society has done. Many of the men there had been elders at some point. The two I talked to focused a lot on how they were driven out of their positions in the congregation and they left soon after. That's what I mean when I say it was a different side of the same coin. They were still hung up on position. The terms they used, like 'I had to step down' or 'in 1976 I MADE ELDER' bothered me. I'm trying to get away from the position being the focal point of my spirituality. When you are so busy trying to campaign for position, where does Jehovah fit in? And when you are so focused on the pain of being thrown out of that position, how do you heal and move on?

26

the meetup

by sh4m3sh4m3 in

so, i went to an ex jw meetup last night & the weirdest thing happened.

one of the elders that went over my questions for baptism with me, was there.

and i don't live in a small area.

sh4m3sh4m3

THX! I've developed a close friendship with a old classmate over the years, but while in the organization, kept my distance somewhat. Now, we are a lot closer. I have vented a bit to her, but I don't want to freak her out. This sort of stuff is bizarre enough for me; I'm not sure what she'd think if I broke down about it. And, since she is my only real friend now, I don't want to blow it. You know?

26

the meetup

by sh4m3sh4m3 in

so, i went to an ex jw meetup last night & the weirdest thing happened.

one of the elders that went over my questions for baptism with me, was there.

and i don't live in a small area.

sh4m3sh4m3

Thank you. That is what I needed to hear. I'm crying as I write this because I'm so lost. I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I have lost all of my friends *almost* and the few that I have left are probably soon to be leaving my life. I don't fit in with the world and I don't fit in at the meetings. My family, my little kids and my husband are ALL that I have in the world. This is the hardest thing. People shouldn't have to go through this. I feel so strongly one day about how to be or believe and the next day I'm doubting myself. I don't EVER want to claim to have all the answers. No one does or should. But I wish I just knew a little more. Or at least felt a little more certain. All day I read and research and pray and think and I'm so tired of it. It's draining. And I'm completely surrounded by witnesses. My landlord is an elder. Our neighbors are witnesses. My kid is in the same class with 3 of them. I see the sisters every morning when I drop my kid off at school. They try to be nice and make small talk, but it's so incredibly awkward. Yesterday I was changing my babies' diaper and I saw a car pull up outside our house and stop. I looked out the window and it was a SUV full of pioneers just gawking at my house. They drive by all the time because we live next door to a pioneer. I feel half the time like I should close the blinds and tiptoe around my house. And then other times I just get pissed and don't care. It's tough.

26

the meetup

by sh4m3sh4m3 in

so, i went to an ex jw meetup last night & the weirdest thing happened.

one of the elders that went over my questions for baptism with me, was there.

and i don't live in a small area.

sh4m3sh4m3

I am nearly 30 and I was raised a JW. My dad was PO and my mom still is a reg. pioneer. I have had A LOT of hurtful things happen especially over the past year. I get the anger, BELIEVE ME, I GET THAT. I have made a resolve to not let the damage in myself, not get worse, by being angry and hateful. I personally believe that the WBTS have helped some people become better people. It has also hurt a great number too. My thing, is, how is being angry productive to being the change you want to see in the world? My goal is to take the good that is left and build on it.

26

the meetup

by sh4m3sh4m3 in

so, i went to an ex jw meetup last night & the weirdest thing happened.

one of the elders that went over my questions for baptism with me, was there.

and i don't live in a small area.

sh4m3sh4m3

I see what you're saying. I edited. I think what I mean is that they don't get me. Not it. It's just that we were on different wavelengths and I think I was expecting more of a connection.

26

the meetup

by sh4m3sh4m3 in

so, i went to an ex jw meetup last night & the weirdest thing happened.

one of the elders that went over my questions for baptism with me, was there.

and i don't live in a small area.

sh4m3sh4m3

So, I went to an ex JW meetup last night & the weirdest thing happened. One of the elders that went over my questions for baptism with me, was there. And I don't live in a small area. 6 million people in my city. It sort of blew my circuts. We talked for a while, which was nice. I think it shattered a lot of ideas that I had/have still residing in me about who these people are. You know, the mind control stuff. I met a couple that I really liked talking to, that are 9 months out and atheist, though I am not. Their line of thought was similar to mine. I appreciated everyone's honesty. Then, afterward I went out for drinks with a 'witness' friend that knows all my issues. She's been supportive. I told her about my meetup and she almost fell out of her barstool, laughing. But, after a few drinks, she was almost in tears, telling me that now is not the time to leave Jehovah, when we are so close to the end. I argued that I don't want to leave Jehovah and that I never left the organization; It left me, when it became affiliated with the UN. She doesn't me or my situation. And I think that is so much of it. Even majority of the people that I talked to at the meetup, for instance, the former elder.... It's like he doesn't get me either. Maybe I'm just off in my own little planet. Most of the people there just seemed angry. And I get that. I mean, we've all been hurt. Them, probably more than I can ever know. But, most of them had their own agenda. That's not what I'm after. It seemed like a different side of the same coin. Most of those people seem to still refuse to think. They are fed information by God knows what. And none of it seems to hold much water. And to be so angry, still, after so many years, isn't a way to live. That's not how I want my way of life to affect me. I want my beliefs to change me, for the better. But, in general most of them were nice enough. I just didn't feel a connect to any of them, except for the atheist couple. I'm torn. I feel guilty somehow for going. But I don't really regret going. Maybe it's just too much, too soon. I'm noticing that I am flying through this process, that takes most people years to go through. I honestly feel like it's because I want to get out of the 'both worlds' part and pick one, because of my kids. Maybe I'm rushing things too much. ? Why do I feel like I have to decide now? Why do I feel so uncomfortable? I'll post more later about this when I figure some of it out.

106

So what caused you to have doubts in the first place?

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

i had no doubts at all about the 'truth' untill a friend of mine in the cong' began falling away.

in trying to help him i had to ask questions and do research and that of course cracked the doors of my mind open for the first time in over thirty years.. years ago, when jwd allowed members to have signatures, i used the following quote from voltaire as mine.

i still love it.. doubt is uncomfortable, certainty is ridiculous..

sh4m3sh4m3

I think with me, I always hated the way they treated those who didn't believe just.like.them. There was no room for variety. I would notice things in nature that Jehovah made and see such variety, but noticed how variety couldn't be tolerated within. My brothers both left and one got DFed. I started noticing the way that people treated them and talked about them. "They've gone off the deep end." "They went crazy." And I knew they hadn't. It was the putting themselves above others that I didn't like. They wanted to make themselves feel like they were doing right and no one else was. I pushed it down and tried to do right, in my eyes, and put on blinders to their ways. I got my nose pierced and started coming to the hall, not to rebel so much as just to have a variety. People flipped out more than I thought they would. People shunned me and my kids because of a small metal stud in my nose. I couldn't ignore it any longer, because it started affecting my thoughts very deeply. I was no longer welcome in the congregation.

21

Did YOU "Do More!" & Yet Feel Worse?

by minimus in

jw
friends

everyone was always being told, "do more" and you'll feel better!

if you're depressed, simply do more!

if your life trying to be a good jw was getting to you, you were admonished to stop thinking about your problems and just do more!

sh4m3sh4m3

Haha! Ya. Me and the Mr. and my three kids pioneered for about 6 months. No easy task. My husband quit his job to do it. We practically starved the last month and right after that- literally a month later, is when we started doubting what we were teaching other people. I think everyone is has no idea what happened to us. Hell, we don't even know what happened. It's just not enough.