Well I think my therapist does have good intentions, though I can certainly see how there is the opportunity for alterior motives. It really is a story just as much about healing from sexual abuse and living in a mentally unstable household, as it is religion. It is by no means an expose of abuse inside JW. Plenty of people have heard about that. It is certainly a factor in the chain of events, but is not the catalyst to everything. Which is why I am hoping my parents would somewhat support it. I think from my therapists perspective the majority of severe childhood sexual trauma stories come from female survivors, though she estimates that there just as many male survivors as there are female. And though she has come across other JW patients (not all for abuse, just in general) and had some exposure to it, the more I describe to her the daily life, and in my case how that related to recovery, she feels it's an inspiring story that not only other survivors but also people interested in religion in general would appreciate.
My reason for wanting to publish it is really just to try and reach more people. For me, it is just as much about doing what I can to help other survivors as it is to tell my story. I am not out to simply profit off of a book about abuse inside the organization. Actually what I'd like to do is donate any proceeds that I MAY, SOMEDAY, get from the book to Silentlambs. But that's neither here nor there right now.
But you guys are completely right, I must consider the possible consequences in regards to my parents, something that I haven't thought too much about up until now. Previous to the "book" thing I have been contemplating not talking to them at all anymore, simply because it's very painful and I just am not getting any benefit from our contact, in fact it feels like a weight on my shoulders.
SO I guess I have some serious thinking to do :/
However despite the difficult decisions I definitely feel that all of this is healthy, and the road of recovery is never easy. So I will continue to travel on :)
Posts by feenx
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feenx
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feenx
Well the book will talk about doctrine and JW history as well, though this is not the focal point of the book. But what I need from him is to find why it was that a panel of 6 elders met to discuss abuse allegations against my grandfather, and some of those allegations discussed were mine, yet I was never even told about the meeting until some time afterward, nor did any of those 6 elders ask to speak with me in a seperate meeting. I dont know what's been reported to HQ and what hasn't. I don't even know the full scope of what was discussed in that meeting. All I know is that according to my mother the Elders from my old hall suddenly seemed to feel guilty for DF-ing me. Damn well they should, bastards. Although it was actually the best thing for me. Other than that all the questions I have for him relate to filling in some gaps about events from when I was a kid.
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feenx
Both are very good posts, thank you! They bring up things I haven't thought about. I never even thought about him resenting those actions down the road SHOULD I happen to make any money from the book. That is a very good point. I suppose that would be rather deceptive to not divulge my intentions. And the spirit of the entire project is healing and honesty, so by NOT telling him the full scope of things that would be going against the entire basis of what I'm writing. Looking at it objectively I can't see why, even knowing all about the book, why he wouldn't tell me what I am wanting to ask. It's all related to childhood issues and then final Elders meetings that I was not a part of. Though I am mildly curious how he would react to organization questions, that really has no bearing on the book.
And I suppose I just have to keep reminding myself that if he chooses to totally cut things off down the road, that is HIS choice. Not something I brought about. -
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feenx
Hey everybody :)
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Hopefully there is an Elder or former Elder on here that can give me some perspective. I have been DF'd for 5 years. Though I did not have any contact with my parents for the first few months my father did eventually call me to tell me that after thinking and praying about it he felt that he could not in good conscience completely cut off contact with me. This was due to our family history and the healing process that I was in the midst of going through. He felt that cutting me off would not be living up to his god given responsibility to care for his family.
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Our family has been through many terrible things and at the time I was really struggling to cope with the realities of my sexually abusive grandfather (also an Elder) and the affects his abuse had on my mother and how that and her mental status affected me as well as his direct abuse of me. Since then I have made tremendous progress through counseling and deprogramming myself from the organization. My parents and I have had sporadic contact over the last several years, though no real "relationship." It's mostly just an occasional conversation, almost exclusively with my mother, to catch up and make sure we're all ok. My father has stated he is willing to talk about anything I want to, e.g. childhood, personal issues, spiritual issues, etc. That has pretty much been where things have stopped.
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Granted we never had a solid relationship as it was growing up. Now, as an adult, I find myself truly wanting a healthy father/son relationship, which I feel that as long as we are on opposite sides of the JW fence cannot be achieved. That has been something I've been grappling with.
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All of this leads up to my current dilemma. Because of my traumatic childhood and exodus from the WTBS my therapist has told me to write a book, which she is personally and professionally backing, detailing all these things. For some portions of this book, there are some very specific questions I must ask my parents. On the one hand, I could sugar coat it and tell them that it simply is an exercise in my therapy (which is true), and leave out how serious both my therapist and I are about getting it published. On the other hand, I could be totally up front about it, which I fear would alienate me even further from him because he could view it as apostate material. Either way, if/when the book comes out it will be plainly clear what my stance is and I'm sure that at that time my relationship with him will not even be a technicality.
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So my question, to all the elders and fathers on here: Is there a way I can present my intentions and feelings to him, as his only child, in a way that he, as a 20 year Elder raised in "the truth" can recognize and appreciate as something separate from the organization. Or...do I really need to just bite the bullet and truly accept that reaching him in any way is lost because he is just too far into the organization and at this point is just a complete and 100% company man?
<BR><BR> I had always hoped that at some point in life his fatherly instinct would somehow speak louder than his religious instinct...but I fear that will never happen. -
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Computer advice needed please
by Mr Ben ini can't find an answer on the net, any computer buffs out there who can help?.
when i bring dvd films from the shop they are always from different zones, but i am only allowed 3 more changes to the zone setting and then it will be fixed permanently on the last zone setting.
i can't find a way to disable this or increase the number of times i can allow the zone setting to change.. thanks in advance,.
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feenx
DVD shrink is an awesome program, I use it all the time. I agree this is the way to go. You may also need DVDFab, which will rip your current DVD and remove the encryption, then you can compress it with DVD Shrink and take off all region preferences.
Check out videohelp.com -
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Computer advice needed please
by Mr Ben ini can't find an answer on the net, any computer buffs out there who can help?.
when i bring dvd films from the shop they are always from different zones, but i am only allowed 3 more changes to the zone setting and then it will be fixed permanently on the last zone setting.
i can't find a way to disable this or increase the number of times i can allow the zone setting to change.. thanks in advance,.
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feenx
What OS are you using? Win, MAC, Linux?
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Denver CO Congregations?
by feenx inhellllllllllo all :)
so anyone from any denver congregations?
i was in the bear valley cong.
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feenx
Oh yeah, I think I remember them. The wife had long blonde hair, yes? and their first child (not sure if they've had any since) was a son, yes? They were nice. Yeah, definitely an elderly cong. :/
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Denver CO Congregations?
by feenx inhellllllllllo all :)
so anyone from any denver congregations?
i was in the bear valley cong.
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feenx
Hellllllllllo all :)
So anyone from any Denver congregations? I was in the Bear Valley cong. for most of my JW life. It's always interesting to see who's still and who's out. Growing up, when it was "the truth" (even though I never fully believed that) I would see people that I thought wouldn't make it in the organization. Most of those people are still in it. And everyone like me is out. -
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What's The Best Country or Area To Live In???
by minimus inif you could live anywhere-----what would your choice be?
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feenx
I want to travel and see so much of the world I think I'd live on a boat and just sail wherever I wanted to.
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Is Your Personality Quite Different In "Real" Life Than It Is Here?
by minimus inare you pretty much the same here as you are in real life??
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feenx
I am the same here as in person, however I also am a bit more diplomatic on here. My opinions are all the same, and I question just as many things in other areas of life than what is discussed on here. But there are definitely a lot more brash things that come out of my mouth versus what I type on a screen.