Welcome to JWD. As many have said before, this forum is a mixed bag. But no matter what it is, you are at the right place. I was in your shoes not that long ago. Studying with JWs, feeling I had finally found the one and only true path to God and eternal life, also feeling I was growing, and planning a summer baptism. Then just like you, things started to get confused... My study conductor was a great person, encouraging me to voice any doubts. She also encouraged me to search on my own, but always only via their own publications. And I kept thinking...how can I learn about a religion if I read only their own litterature. Then, the famous UN issue! How come an organisation that is supposed to be neutral can be part of the UN for a good 10 years! I printed the proof and in all innocence, showed it to my conductor. Not believing it was legit, she showed it to an elder. Well, it then raised the issue of my internet habits and in no time, my fate was sealed. To make a long story short, my conductor was told in so many words to stop the study as I was apparently not making any progress. It was a very emotional last meeting. She was crying and said she did not want to stop study but "she had to obey" And I thought it was pathetic that this grown woman "had to obey" Was I such a bad person all of a sudden? Apparently so, as I did not fit the mold anymore. My story is very tame compared to what you will find here. And no one can tell you what to do. This is your life and your choice. But what most will tell you here is to EDUCATE yourself. You have been studying for only 6 months and already have doubts. Take it as your red flag. Good luck to you~