Posts by daytona27

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

She hit me up for another shopping day this Saturday...then heading out to watch some music. Will be fun.

If any of this teenage stuff has taught me anything it's to not be hung up on someone, to just plain not let that happen. Don't give into it. I had a chance last Sunday to talk to her, and passed it up...wasn't in a hurry to know anything one way or the other. Right now, it's working the way it is. It just is what it is, and It's cool. I don't have a need to know anything specific. Tomorrow is the last day of the week and I'm supposed to have this job offer in writing. I'm thinking it might be into next week, but I'm supposed to fly out next week for the site visit. Either way, this little soap opera will shift. I'm looking forward to the distraction of moving and getting settled into a new job. But then again, it's gonna be really strange to pack up and move across the country again...not really digging the thought of that too much.

80

Even active witnesses think this is way over the top.....

by yourmomma in

jw
friends

there were gasps after watching this.

i heard the anti college talks at the dc this year, and while many people i know didnt agree with them, this following video stunned many of them.

there are many people on this forum, many have gotten to where they are many different ways.

daytona27

Seems like the understanding of the generation had an impact on the stressing of no college, at least at a local level. It was IMPOSSIBLE that the end would not come by 1984, 85 and especially 86. 90 would never get here. Ending high school at that time, a lot of my friends including me went into the pioneer work, me for only a year then had to continue working two jobs to support my mother and myself on barely above minimum wage.

Then it seems things slacked off...college wasn't that frowned upon.

My big question, with all the online degrees possible, isn't that an acceptable option if the big fear is being in a "worldly" college? I haven't been around it in awhile, so wasn't sure what the slant was, and I'm not watching the video.

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

daytona27

Thanks for the posts.

Unbeliever, you are definitely right. I haven't let too many people in. With this one, really the only reason I did is because I set up som "safe" guidelines stating that I was interested in even being interested. It's true, but what I was really doing is trying to put myself in a position where I couldn't be hurt. I realize that now.

So, we met with some friends Friday night, talked a bit. Sunday, she went and spent the day with me and my brother and sister, an hour's drive away. They were raised young as witnesses, but never baptized and are not interested in the organization. Sunday, after spending even more time with this girl, I realized that although I care for her, there's a big difference between that and being interested in a relationship. I think there is a possibility of one if I pursued it, but I had to ask if that's really what I want right now, and it isn't. Over the past month I learned quite a bit from her in that she doesn't have to be with anyone either. She's got a really good head on her shoulders. So, we're both good friends without the trappings of a relationship. I still think that's the best of any relationship anyway.

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

daytona27

primitivegenius...man, that is a lot of good information. I'm going to read it a few times to make sure it sinks in!!

The job, I have to take. I make below 70k now, and the jump is into the low 6 figure range. I can't turn it down, not so much for the money, but for the title on the resume if I start looking again. This is as my boss put it "your life changing career move".

All good information. I told her when I move I want to fly her out so we can do the Grand Canyon, snowboarding in Flagstaff, etc. Maybe hit Vegas, which I've never been to. She was down for that. It seems to me that she's just very, very cautious.

Eh, I'm probably taking all of this just a tad too seriously.

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

daytona27

JK, I left some info out, but you're right. She had drunk so much, I knew she wouldn't remember it in the morning. The next day, she apologized for "acting like an ass" and said she hoped she didn't offend me with anything she said. I told her she said "this is your last chance to get naked" and she was embarrassed. So, she wasn't looking to hook up.

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

daytona27

Sparkplug...very true. You've put a lot of good posts on this board, I appreciate the words of wisdom.

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

daytona27

Dawg, I hear where you're coming from. Standard guy talk, yeah, it applies. But I've never been that person. I've been told I'm good looking, but I just don't view women like that. I believe it's because I was married a long time, and I learned that the best part of any relationship is the simple things and definitely not sex. I could care less about getting off. It's not like she gave me overt signals that she wanted to go that direction. If everyone just wants sex from a girl that is very pretty, do you think it would make sense to go the same route? I don't honestly think that's the way to get to know someone. We're not even dating, just hanging out. No, I'm definitely not gay, and I have no problem getting girls. I have to turn them away, because as crazy as it sounds, I don't want to be used for sex anymore than the "typical" girl might not want to be. I've been in relationships where all they cared about was the unit, and it's just not what I want. Maybe it's just weird that I have so much respect for her as a person that I prefer friendship over intimacy....which could really screw things up. All my guy friends are saying the same thing as you Dawg, I just don't think that's the answer.

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

daytona27

Thanks for the replies, all of that has been on my mind. I'll give a little more detail. She has a "wild" side that only comes out when she's drinking. I think she likes to drink just to feel relaxed but doesn't do it all the time, and knows she needs to be with someone she trusts. We went out a few weeks ago and at the end of the evening, wound up in a hot tub. She was topless, we were both in our underwear only. We had a nice time...but nothing physical. I wasn't even interested in that. I don't even have the desire to be intimate...ok, maybe just a bit, but it's been a year since I've been with a woman. It's not really on my mind. Although I believe she's open to it. I think it would be easier to be physical with her than it would be to be emotionally involved with her from her perspective. She's not loose, I think that that is what other guys focus on, so maybe that's what she goes with? I have no idea. But my point is that I respect her more for who she is...that's what I'm interested in, not the physical side. But you're right, I need to say something. I will. I'm debating saying something to or asking her sister for some information about how I should approach it. Her sister and I have been closer friends, and we've talked briefly about her sister and I going out. They live in the same house, but the one I'm seeing doesn't say anything to her sister, she's pretty private. I'm more interested in finding out maybe how I should approach letting her know how I feel without messing things up. It's sad though. I spent over 14 years married to a dominant, bossy woman that was miserable most of the time, and mostly just plain mean. This girl, we go to lunch and clothes shopping one day and manage to have a better time than anything that happened with my wife and I over 14 years...so incredibly sad, but it gives me hope that it's possible to have a truly enjoyable friendship with someone based on mutual respect. I was beginning to wonder if it was something I'd see again.

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

daytona27

Satanus, you are definitely right. I'd completely avoid her as opposed to coming across as needy. I'm pretty guarded myself. Not many people make it in. She hit me up several times wanting to hang out, so we have. I'm not the one asking her to do things all the time. Last weekend, she asked me what my plans were. I have the feeling that she only feels "safe" if she's not being pressured. So, I just let her come out of her shell so to speak and we've become pretty good friends. Ever since her bad breakup 4 years ago, she lives with her sister and her bf and spends a lot of time by herself. In a way, I'm glad that she feels comfortable enough with me to want to spend time with me..she does not do that with too many...or any other people that I know of. So, I'm glad she trusts me. I would never want to betray that trust or appear to. I just can't help but care about her. What I'm wondering though is if the guys in the past have been attracted to her based on looks, or on her personality. Eh, one way or the other, I'll be gone within a month and won't be able to see her anymore anyway.

23

she's just a friend

by daytona27 in

i was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years.

i consider myself content.

i've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that i may not be with someone for a good while.

daytona27

I was married a long time, divorced and alone for the last couple of years. I consider myself content. I've come to terms with being alone and the prospect that I may not be with someone for a good while. Then I get an email from the most beautiful girl at work. She's cool, I've known her for years, but never hung out with her. She says "you're a cool guy, I'm a cool girl, we ought to hang out." I know her sister better than I know her. So we start doing some things here and there. I let her know that I'm not looking for anything, so she doesn't have to worry about me hitting on her, or making suggestive remarks. Every other guy does that because she's a 10. They try to just hook up with her, so she's pretty defensive. I actually respect her and just want to be her friend. I usually am not even interested in very attractive girls just because they seem the same, just kind of shallow. She's somewhat aloof, so we aren't in constant communication. For the past few weeks weve gone out to lunch once a week and we've been out together at least one day over the weekend. Last Saturday, we spent all day together, starting with a nice lunch, then shopping, then went to a couple of shows. It was the best weekend I could ever remember having....ever. I recently got an offer to relocate to another state for work. When we were taking a break from shopping, she said "I'm really going to miss you." I know she's been hurt pretty bad in the past, and according to her sister, it "messed her up". She protects herself pretty well and is careful not to get involved. What I wasn't expecting is that getting to know this incredibly beautiful girl is that she's down to earth, extremely intelligent, very humble and not in need of a man in her life. I value her as a friend and despite my cold hearted efforts to not get my heart involved...I think it has. I now am in the state of caring for someone that I know isn't ready for a relationship and specifically said that all her guy friends end up falling for her and it gets weird. I didn't want that to be me, but...seems like it is. But, I can't let her know how I feel because I don't want it to damage our friendship. Friendship is the best part of any relationship. It's not like I even want it to go any further for any specific reason. I just want to spend time with her. I'm all of a sudden not as content alone as I was just a week ago. But I have to be. I have to keep my distance. I have to just be a friend. When we hang out this weekend, which we probably will, my heart will want to, but the other side of me just wants to let it die because it most likely won't go anywhere. So now I'm in the dubious position of being able to hang out with someone before I leave for work in a month or so, yet I almost don't want to just so I won't care for her. But my time with her is the best I've had ever...with any girl. It just sucks. I can't stand what the heart does to a person. It's so much easier to not feel anything for anyone.