PSacramento--
The God-of-the-Bible has always been mute about the purpose of suffering so there can be no understanding it as a Christian.
Not that there aren't plenty of people who try to speak for god--but it falls flat every time.
The only attempt to address this question directly in the bible: Job asks God why suffering was laid on him--himself a righteous man. Job's friends say why God allowed him to suffered. Job didn't buy it. Job never learned anything why he suffered--just this: "God is god, like it or not"
Still, apologists and theologians put words in god's mouth to make up for His silence. Even Jesus tried hard to show a friendlier face to sufferers. He may have had the same questions many of us have. But it is undeniable that 'My God, my God , why have you forsaken me?" is part of his story after all.
That said, PSac, I do use Jesus as my model of a human reaching out to other humans who suffer. Without the dubious overlays of doctrines, he showed me how to think about and treat others in this world. But he is no more and no less a savior than you or I should be--as in the story told of the Good Samaritan. So I respect Jesus profoundly but I have no reason to believe God took care of Jesus or God will take care of me.
Defender of truth--I will as best I can tell her of your compassion for her loss. And i am sorry for yours as well. It is not strange that we have a some sense of connection in times of loss--it is worth our time to stop and say the simple words, I am sorry for your loss. even if there is nothing more to say.