Yes...but for me, in a very positive way. I know I won't always have leisure to post/ read like I do right now, but being that I'm still fairly new, it has been a HUGE breath of fresh air for me! Is 'addictive' the right term if it serves a constructive purpose as yet?
Posts by J-ex-W
-
38Do you find the forum addictive?
by avidbiblereader inhow many find that they need or want to be on the forum at least once a day?
do you like keeping up with fellow posters and friends or do like being able to give your thoughts without the fear of being criticized?
i look at some of the amounts that some have posted wow and i am no better for only being here less than a month, it is a great place to talk and get loads of wisdom from others on a variety of subjects, thanks everyone for the thoughtful expressions and heartfelt posts.. abr.
-
-
-
23
Did you as a woman buy into and follow the subjection crap?
by restrangled inmy grandmother didn't, my mother didn't and neither did i. so how does this continue in this advanced day and age?.
why would any woman put up with it?.
i saw the results of women getting beat attending the hall.
-
-
J-ex-W
Yeah...unfortunately, I did. My first exposure to JW's was my then-boyfriend's family, and I had moved halfway-cross country to be with him. His family became my family/ JW model. It was sick, dysfunctional, and totally enmeshed, but I was young and inexperienced and didn't have the tools to recognize a lot of the stuff at the time. Nor did I have, by dint of my own upbringing, internalized permission to listen to my own gut/ judgment telling me things were wrong. I also grew up a military brat, so the whole idea of rank and order and subordination and ALL that made perfect 'sense' to me. [Dad was very authoritarian and mom very much a people-pleaser.]
I am gaining that voice and strong sense of self now--four years post-divorce and post-JW. I seriously admire and cheer on those who have it from early years.... YOU GO, GIRL!!!
-
15
My Best Friend... Wasted youth
by trapjaw inhi all, apologies if i've put this in the wrong place.
please excuse the long post, i'll try keep it as short as possible.
i just wanted to tell my story.
-
-
J-ex-W
Trapjaw--- Your last few sentences sum up exactly what I feel when I contemplate my sons growing up under the JW lockhold they're in right now. And I'm the one who trained them in it! My heart aches to think of the waste...on so many levels. Good luck in helping your friend.
-
4
Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 2.0 - Openers
by Nosferatu inlesson 1.4 is here:.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/126615/1.ashx.
now that we've worked on your mindset toward the world of dating, it's time to start doing some work.. one of the most difficult problems men have when they approach women is what to talk about.
-
-
J-ex-W
Cool...all excellent advice. --And any ex-JW can draw from his own witnessing experience, especially if he was adept at doing this at the doors or--better yet--incidental witnessing!
-
23
Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 1.4 - Happiness
by Nosferatu inlesson 1.3 is here:.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/126614/1.ashx.
i've seen countless men who seem to posess the mindset of "i need a woman to be happy".
-
-
J-ex-W
Odrade--- True. But that's not my point. It's the despondency (over whatever issue) to the point of suicidal thoughts that made me think of transitional phases. Like the posters here--and yes, I've been one of them--who can become severely distressed during the transition phase they're in right now, regarding the religious 'jump' and issues carried along with it. College age is just one example of a major life transition. Every person posting on this board is at some point in their own religious transition. And having the supports here makes a HUGE difference to the ability to cope with the challenges! THANKS, GUYS!!! You are all great!!!
-
13
Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 1.2 - Attraction
by Nosferatu inlesson 1.1 is here:.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/126517/1.ashx.
for those of you who are wondering when i'm going to get to the subjects of how to ask her out, or how to approach a woman, they're coming, but we need to get your mind on the right track before any of that can happen.. another poster just recently started a thread, asking what women wanted.
-
-
J-ex-W
Nos--- Write on....
-
23
Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 1.4 - Happiness
by Nosferatu inlesson 1.3 is here:.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/126614/1.ashx.
i've seen countless men who seem to posess the mindset of "i need a woman to be happy".
-
-
J-ex-W
Odrade--- I don't know if you realise, but you hit upon an important point here. The despondent young men you mentioned were all college-age, in a college enviroment. [No, this is not leading into a JW anti-college rant.] These young men were all smack in the center of a 'transitional' phase, which all of our college years are, really.
It's the transition from young personhood/ family dependence to young adulthood/ independence, which is a scary and emotional rocky time for anyone, especially those who have few welll-established strong emotional, financial, educational supports to sustain them. [Which is almost the definition of college student.]
It's during this emotionally/ psychologically vulnerable time, when we tend to seek out those supports from whereever we can glean them, that CULTS can appear like a stronghold that will help ease transition, too. It's not just college age--it's any major life change/ transition that invites this vulnerability, for anyone. Having the solid supports already in place is what makes the hugest difference for people undergoing these transitions. That, an recognizing the transition phase for what it is...and being able to adjust their own responses within it accordingly.
-
23
Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 1.4 - Happiness
by Nosferatu inlesson 1.3 is here:.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/126614/1.ashx.
i've seen countless men who seem to posess the mindset of "i need a woman to be happy".
-
-
J-ex-W
The whole thought of GUMBY needing coffee to get over gumgrieving just seems so surreal to me....
-
9
Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 1.3 - Romance
by Nosferatu inlesson 1.2 is here:.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/126529/1.ashx.
i was going to save this subject for the subject of long term relationships, but it seems that it needs to be addressed before dating starts.
-
-
J-ex-W
Nos--- As for the "Whaddayou wanna do? I dunno--whaddaYOU wanna do?" Jungle Book movie buzzards game [anyone remember that scene?]...this is where practical discerning--drawing out with casual questions--comes in handy. If you ascertain that she likes animals, suggest going together to the local Pet Expo or some other store that lets you look at or possibly pet animals. Even an animal shelter. They love having people come in to pet the poor caged creatures. This also addresses your concern about being played for a chump by spending any money--on the girl OR on a friend [soup nazi: NO DRINK FOR YOU!!! ].
Seriously, creativity earns beaucoup points beyond cash, in my book.
There's a lot here you and I find agreement with...I just have a woman's perspective to add to the mix, plus ten years' extra life/ dating/ mating experience (and, obviously, a lot of opinions).
Seriously, if you want to help the guys...giving advice devoid of, or in serious conflict with, the feminine point of view will cause these guy to fall flat on their faces. I'm glad you've found some success along your path. Please realize a lot of it is just plain dumb luck that works in ANYBODY'S favor. Sometimes you can have success in spite of yourself. Not saying this is your case...just saying 'check-ins' are good. ["This is how it worked for me...Ladies, how would you see it?" sort of thing.]
But by all means--keep writing. It's a good service you're doing here...entertainment in the very least...and some of this probably will help some poor hapless guy who's been stumbling over some particular points. --Not that I think you need my approval. Just letting you know, since you can't SEE the huge grin plastered across my face throughout that says, This stuff's okay...I'm just having fun with it!
-
9
Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 1.3 - Romance
by Nosferatu inlesson 1.2 is here:.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/126529/1.ashx.
i was going to save this subject for the subject of long term relationships, but it seems that it needs to be addressed before dating starts.
-
-
J-ex-W
Nos----- I'm past you by ten years, and used to dating a wide range of guys, anywhere from eleven years younger on up to eleven years older. [One guy, twenty-seven years older, but very 'young' and in shape.] Only two of the guys have been older (the one by 27 and the other by 11 yrs). The rest have been mostly five to ten years younger. --In case you haven't guessed, people usually think I'm younger.
So, I'm young enough to be in the game and old enough to know what does or not appeal beyond initial contact titters. [I'm counting on you to be mature enough to leave that word alone.] :^) I'm glad you clarified about the stage of contact you are working at (not yet to first date, barely contact made, etc.) Might want to bold-faced clarify these scenarios/ stages at the beginning, before you launch into all the other stuff. A lot of the advice is good, as long as it's presented in a timely enough sequence. Much of what we've quibbled about here, I think is related more to how fast it seems than how gauche. Present the timeline more tightly to the advice, so readers get a clearer picture of the pace/ sequence of the steps you describe.
As for the movie...I agree. Not a first date thing, but nothing wrong as a second date thing, IMHO.