Posts by exwitless

27

That feeling that it could al be false how did you experience it?

by GBSJG in

when i started researching i was still convinced that jws had the truth.

so i read some critical articles by ex-jws about certain teaching and i started to do some more research.. at this time i have successfully faded and no longer believe anymore.

but i can remember the moment when i first allowed the thought in my mind that it could all be false and not the truth.

exwitless

My hubby and I had been fairly inactive for a couple of years. As for me, I always felt guilty about missing the meetings. Each and every meeting that came around, I felt guilty inside. Not enough to go though, I guess. Then I felt guilty for not feeling guilty enough to want to go to the meetings!

I became inactive because I was so physically and emotionally exhausted. I felt like I could never do "good enough". The first year or so that we attended meetings, I found them pretty interesting. After that, they became so repetitive and boring. I hated going out in service. Of course, I felt guilty for finding the meetings boring and hating field service. So eventually, I sorta gave up and kept thinking someday I switch would turn on in my head and suddenly I would want to go to the meetings and out in service; never happened.

Then, about one year ago (almost exactly), my husband and I were both at home one morning while our son was at school. We were casually sipping our coffee and somehow the subject of our "inactive" state came up. It evolved into a 4 hour long discussion about our true feelings about being a JW. Turns out, Little Drummer Boy had, in a way, DA'd himself emotionally a couple of years back; he knew the dubs didn't have the truth, so in his own mind he cut himself off from the guilt feelings, etc.

We began discussing what the JWs took away from us when we joined: holidays, our love for music, hobbies, friends, on and on. We started feeling more resentful as we were talking. Before you know it, I brought up that I heard that some ex-GB member wrote a book about leaving the dubs (Crisis of Conscience). LDB said for me to get a copy of that book.

When I read COC, I felt sick inside. To think we were mislead for 14 years by these men who make up arbitrary rules for the "rank and file", when we were so sure at first that we had found the truth. I was sorta depressed for several days. However, we had decided that we would plan out DA'ing ourselves within about 9 months. We even arranged an Easter egg hunt at my mom's last year for our son, because he was 8 and would soon be "too old" for that. It was kinda creepy, going out and buying Easter egg stuff when no one else had any clue we were planning to DA.

When we finally DA'd in Sept. 2006, I felt anxious for the first week or 2, because I was just sure the elders would be calling and knocking on the door to plead with us not to leave. Ha! We've never heard one word from them since DA'ing.

I immediately felt a sense of relief, freedom, and hope for my future. It was an indescribable feeling, to not feel judgemental towards others, to be able to be normal and not have to evade the "are you ready for Christmas" questions, etc.

We celebrated our 1st Christmas this past December and my son's 1st (9th) birthday in January. DA'ing was a painful process emotionally, but it's the best thing we have done for ourselves, without a doubt.

22

What did you have to dispose of when you became a dub?

by exwitless in

little drummer boy's comment on the d&d thread made me think about this:.

when i became one of the borg, i threw out about $600 worth of pnp materials and books, a fact that i was proud of at the time and which makes me sick now because almost all of it is irreplaceable.

he also threw away who knows how many cds that were "bad" for dubs; also threw away a framed picture of a dragon that was really cool, and maybe some cool rock band t-shirts.. i don't remember having to physically throw away a lot of stuff, but i had to resign from the citizen's band i was in (played the clarinet), threw away my good friends from high school, etc.. what did you all throw away when you became dubs that you regret now?.

exwitless

Instead of selling them on ebay, he chose to destroy them so as to keep them from causing a bad influence on other people. What a sap!!!

Yep, that's the "good" JW thing to do. In fact, LDB at first said to the guy we were studying with that he was going to sell all his "bad" music CDs; however, he was told clearly that selling them wasn't the appropriate way to dispose of them. After all, why would you want to make those "unacceptable" CDs available to anyone else? He was told the only way to properly dispose of such items was to destroy them.

I remember a "sister" in our hall saying how she threw away all their Christmas ornaments, some of which were her mom's (who had died of cancer a few years before). She wouldn't even give them to her non-JW sister to have. What a waste!

It's sad to hear about sentimental things being tossed like garbage, like the batman cape and Star Wars figures. I can't imagine how hard it must be on children who's parents become JWs after the kids have already acquired things like that, and are used to celebrating birthdays and holidays, only to have it thrown out like a moldy loaf of bread.

22

What did you have to dispose of when you became a dub?

by exwitless in

little drummer boy's comment on the d&d thread made me think about this:.

when i became one of the borg, i threw out about $600 worth of pnp materials and books, a fact that i was proud of at the time and which makes me sick now because almost all of it is irreplaceable.

he also threw away who knows how many cds that were "bad" for dubs; also threw away a framed picture of a dragon that was really cool, and maybe some cool rock band t-shirts.. i don't remember having to physically throw away a lot of stuff, but i had to resign from the citizen's band i was in (played the clarinet), threw away my good friends from high school, etc.. what did you all throw away when you became dubs that you regret now?.

exwitless

Little Drummer Boy's comment on the D&D thread made me think about this:

When I became one of the borg, I threw out about $600 worth of pnp materials and books, a fact that I was proud of at the time and which makes me sick now because almost all of it is irreplaceable

He also threw away who knows how many CDs that were "bad" for dubs; also threw away a framed picture of a dragon that was really cool, and maybe some cool rock band t-shirts.

I don't remember having to physically throw away a lot of stuff, but I had to resign from the citizen's band I was in (played the clarinet), threw away my good friends from high school, etc.

What did you all throw away when you became dubs that you regret now?

27

Dungeons and Dragons

by BlackSwan of Memphis in

has anyone or does anyone here play the comp game?.

i remember this from when i was a kid and recently googled it.

i was amazed with the graphics and thought about downloading the game.. way back when n64 was the big thing, i got into zelda ocarina of time (?

exwitless

When I became one of the borg, I threw out about $600 worth of pnp materials and books, a fact that I was proud of at the time and which makes me sick now because almost all of it is irreplaceable

Oh man, I forgot about how much stuff you threw away when we were assimilated. I remember you spending hours breaking a bunch of your CDs in half and throwing them in the trash because they were "bad" for dubs to have. Too bad about the D&D stuff. I think the only thing we have left of it is a little bag of dice.

I think I'll start a thread on this throwing away subject.

27

Dungeons and Dragons

by BlackSwan of Memphis in

has anyone or does anyone here play the comp game?.

i remember this from when i was a kid and recently googled it.

i was amazed with the graphics and thought about downloading the game.. way back when n64 was the big thing, i got into zelda ocarina of time (?

exwitless

I honestly don't know much about the game; Little Drummer Boy used to play the real D&D when he was a teenager. I could be wrong, but I think he said the game NeverWinter Nights (for the PC) is a D&D type game, and he really liked playing it.

31

Do you Sudoku?

by BlackSwan of Memphis in

i tried the one in the newspaper the other day and just about solved it.

but thought i should start small and work my way up to get a better understanding of how it's played.. so i picked up a sudoku mag at target the other day.

it's an easy one and i'm really getting the hang of it and enjoying it.

exwitless

I love Sudoku. My son has Brain Age for the Nintendo DS, and it has a ton of Sudoku puzzles in it. I've finished all the basic and intermediate puzzles. I have about 7 advanced ones I need to finish. It is truly addicting.

BTW-Brain Age is a great game to get if you have a Nintendo DS.

46

Congratulations to the newly weds!

by Crumpet in

jw
friends

please join me in toasting our two friends, dedpoet and fullofdoubtnow who have just exchanged vows.

linda and trevor - we love you so much and know that your happiness will join you together for so many years to come.. congratulations!.

exwitless

Congratulations! Best wishes for both of you!

28

Were you a loud singer?

by HockeyMullet in

jw
friends

i don't know why, but i was just thinking of this guy in my hall that sang so loud that it was embarassing to just be there.

he sounded like the love child of kermit the frog and miss piggy.

i remember trying to mimick his voice during one song and getting counseled by one of the bros because i had a few of younger guys laughing.

exwitless

There was a sister in our hall who was notorious for singing loudly. Seriously, if you stood next to her when singing, there's no way you could hear yourself sing, even if you tried. After many years, she moved to a different congregation. I thought, 'wow, now we can all actually hear ourselves sing". Then soon after, another woman moved to our hall. She purposely held out notes longer than anyone else did, just so she could be a soloist (even if just for a second). It was very noticeable to everyone.

I actually liked singing the songs because I enjoy singing and it was a whole lot more interesting than hearing a 'brother' drone on and on for an hour. I always wished they would have choirs like other churches do, because I wouldv'e joined in a heartbeat. But no, that would be something a little too fun for the dubs to have at the KH. Someday, I may join a local classical choir we have in our city. For now, I'll continue on with my voice lessons and sing all by my lonesome.

11

computer careers

by Chameleon in

jw
friends

i made another thread like this, but it was specific to one career.

personal experience; main point of thread in the last paragraph.. .

i'm 21, attending a community college for a networking degree.

exwitless

Little Drummer Boy just completed his degree in this type of field, and is currently working on getting his CISCO certifications. I'll see if I can stir him up here to help you.

14

Appreciative of the positive side of having been a JW

by exwitless in

lately i've come to the conclusion that i cannot change my past 14 wasted years with the borg; i can only learn from my experiences and resolve to improve on my life from here on out.

i no longer have to "wait for jehovah" or the "new system" to make my life better; i can apply my own intellect, power of reasoning, and free will to accomplish what i want to do.. one thing i've come to appreciate is that had i not been a jw, and in turn an ex-jw, i may have never actually questioned the deep philosophical issues that are discussed on this board.

i may be stuck as a "nominal" christian (forgive the wt-speak), being content to half-heartedly believe what i was raised to believe.

exwitless

Lately I've come to the conclusion that I cannot change my past 14 wasted years with the borg; I can only learn from my experiences and resolve to improve on my life from here on out. I no longer have to "wait for Jehovah" or the "New System" to make my life better; I can apply my own intellect, power of reasoning, and free will to accomplish what I want to do.

One thing I've come to appreciate is that had I not been a JW, and in turn an ex-JW, I may have never actually questioned the deep philosophical issues that are discussed on this board. I may be stuck as a "nominal" Christian (forgive the WT-speak), being content to half-heartedly believe what I was raised to believe. (I was raised a Methodist.)

Since leaving the borg, I feel like my mind is open for the first time to actually consider different viewpoints. Never before did I dream I would ever question whether or not "god" even exists; or whether evolution is plausible, or whether it is OK to NOT hold a particular religious belief at all.

You guys/gals on JWD are some of the most intelligent and insightful people I've "conversed" with, especially when it comes to religious/philosophical discussions. Thanks for your tireless input on this discussion board. It's helped me quite a bit in the past several months since DA'ing.