Posts by thinkingbloke

40

Have You Been Divorced, Or Getting A Divorce?

by Outaservice in

jw
friends

divorce is much more common in the jehovah's witness community than they would like to admit.

probably more so than the population in general in my opinion.. if you have been divorced, do you think that the watchtower society contributed to the divorce, or caused it, or is it just possible you married some jerk or abuser and divorce would have occured no matter what religion you were, or even if you had no religion?.

possibly you got married way too young as the end was coming and there is no marriage in the resurrection if you died.

thinkingbloke

Yes divorced, after 17 years. Definitely married too young, and I think the concept that people should stay together no matter what (not unique to society) just encourages laziness. I know I didn't try as hard as should have to be a good husband because of this, and assumed that I cold be slack and that my wife had no choice but to stay. I am remarried and try a lot harder now to be a good partner becasue I know my beautiful wife has plenty of other options if I take her for granted. I think this is a much more healthy approach to marriage.

I alos think the society's prudish approach to human sexuality is very harmful to many witness marriages, as was weel explained in Raymond Franz's book Crisis of Conscience. Spouses and lovers should feel free to be open and honest with each other about there desires and fantasies, without fear of seeming "unchristian" worldly or deviant, and maybe running the risk of the spouse running off to the elders for "help".

And very importantly, when couples get in trouble with their relationship, the last place they should go to for help is elders. Most elders are just not well suited to providing good advice, they will just parrot what the society says. Couples are much better off talking to good friends that have broad experience and open minds, or professionals in that area.

Perhaps a better question to ask is not how many divorce, but how many are still togehter but are not happy? How many have good open communication, helthy sexual relationships, real trust and genuine love? How many are just staying together becasue of the condemnation and shame that would come from the congregation if they split?

16

Needing advice on recently DF'd neice

by thinkingbloke in

jw
friends

this is my first post so i guess that means i am not a lurker anymore.. i have been inactive for nearly 2 years now, but recently my teenage neice was df'd.

she has moved out of home with another df'd girlfriend of the same age.

i know she is getting a lot of pressure from my family to come back, and of course she would be feeling very alienated and probably confused.

thinkingbloke

Lots of good advice. Thanks guys. I will definitely try to get her to come to this forum also.

16

Needing advice on recently DF'd neice

by thinkingbloke in

jw
friends

this is my first post so i guess that means i am not a lurker anymore.. i have been inactive for nearly 2 years now, but recently my teenage neice was df'd.

she has moved out of home with another df'd girlfriend of the same age.

i know she is getting a lot of pressure from my family to come back, and of course she would be feeling very alienated and probably confused.

thinkingbloke

Actually I wouldn't say her parents abandoned her, I know that they actually want her to come home. She found living there so oppressive she decided to move out despite the hardships that would result. I know my her mum (my sister) is a nice person, as is her dad, but they are just completely blinded to how wrong what they are doing is. When my niece asked for her bed and other bits and pieces they refused her and so she is sleeping on a matress on the floor. They sold her desk in a a garage sale for $4.

The first couple of weeks they just ate instant noodles eevry day, so I have had them over for a couple of meals, and gave them a my spare TV, and I believe a bunch of other friends (non JW of course) have given them a few things to get started. She has a part time job and is in her last year of school so is working pretty hard. I know she wants to go to College but without support from her parents I am not sure what she will be able to afford. I wish I could sponsor her but I am in no position financially to do that. At least she wont have anyone telling her that colleges and universities are evil and that she should pioneer!

One other thing that worries me a little is that her parents might find out I am helping her and try to get me DF'd out of spite. I hope they are not that brainwashed, but you can never be sure with JW's, even your own family.

16

Needing advice on recently DF'd neice

by thinkingbloke in

jw
friends

this is my first post so i guess that means i am not a lurker anymore.. i have been inactive for nearly 2 years now, but recently my teenage neice was df'd.

she has moved out of home with another df'd girlfriend of the same age.

i know she is getting a lot of pressure from my family to come back, and of course she would be feeling very alienated and probably confused.

thinkingbloke

This is my first post so I guess that means I am not a lurker anymore.

I have been inactive for nearly 2 years now, but recently my teenage neice was DF'd. She has moved out of home with another DF'd girlfriend of the same age. I know she is getting a lot of pressure from my family to come back, and of course she would be feeling very alienated and probably confused. She tells me she is fine and that she will never go back, but I wonder how well she will deal with the pressure and with the entire extended family of uncles, aunties, grandparents and sibling ignoring her. Only her parents are talking to her and they refuse to help her out financially in the hope that the hardship will cause her to rethink her actions. I know she moved out because she couldn't handle the pressure form her parents, but I worry that she will do something stupid without some guidance from her parents.

I have never been really close to her but I want to help her any way I can to know she is right about leaving the org. I know I was really confused when I first got out but I am not sure if it would be more or less confusing for someone a lot younger.

Anyway any advice on what I could do to help her would be appreciated.