Posts by jambon1

I've been on a journey since my association with this religion. I am strong now & I love the fact that I feel that I have defeated their manipulation.

Many times in recent months I have felt empowered & enriched due to my experiences.

I hope it continues.

138

What year Did you Stop Attending Meetings - How Long were you a JW ?

by flipper in

jw
friends

i'm trying to compare some statistics and figures on this to share later in the thread to see if more long-time witnesses are exiting- or are newer witnesses exiting after a shorter period of time.

and - are more people exiting in the last 10 to 15 years than before.

so your answers would be helpful in looking into this .

The effect of this religion on my children & the action I had to take - Part III

by jambon1 in

here is parts i & ii.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191112/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-i.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191251/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-ii.

jambon1

Thanks so much for all the feedback on the story.

May I just add that I would be greatful for any information of websites that I could post my experience on. I have had a few lovely pm's that have indicated that other ex-jw sites may appreciate the story.

You have all been a fantastic support over the years & I appreciate this site very much.

With love from Edinburgh, Scotland.

Jambon

31

The effect of this religion on my children & the action I had to take - Part III

by jambon1 in

here is parts i & ii.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191112/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-i.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191251/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-ii.

jambon1

In answer to sixofnine - Our daughter was sat down & it was explained to her that it is best for mum not to take her to the meetings. That she should decide what she wants to do when she is much older.

Lots of chats from myself have helped the situation. I have reassured my daughter that JW beliefs are just that - a set of people that believe a certain thing. This doesn't make them right or what they believe to be 100% correct just as it is the case with all the other thousands of religions out there.

My reassurance & my dialogue with her seems to have assured her & she seems to be fine.

Once again, thanks for all the kind comments.

31

The effect of this religion on my children & the action I had to take - Part III

by jambon1 in

here is parts i & ii.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191112/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-i.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191251/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-ii.

jambon1

Thanks for the lovely comments guys & girls.

Although I am in a very good place at them moment, it's not always been the case. In fact over the last 4 years my marriage has taken hit after hit. Generally because of my concern over my children which repeatedly fell on deaf ears. At last, I can be settled in my mind now & I no longer feel responsible somehow for them being screwed up due to any neglect on my part. It took one occasion of my daughter showing exactly what was going on in her mind for me to get it sorted.

But this is only the culmination of years of torment, problems with alcohol, anxiety & marital difficulties. It has been very, very difficult. Hopefully the events of the last 6 months or so means that our family can finally move on. We have reached a comprimise which more than suits me & more importantly means mental safety for my kids.

I also feel that the turn of events has been a victory over the WT organisation. I am just so determined not to have to play by their rules & outrageous requirements for kids. If my wife wants to 'play ball' & cow-tow to them then that is her decision. But on a day to day basis that religion has pretty much no influence over the lives of myself & my children.

Regards,

J

31

The effect of this religion on my children & the action I had to take - Part III

by jambon1 in

here is parts i & ii.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191112/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-i.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191251/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-ii.

jambon1

Here is parts I & II

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191112/1/The-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-I-had-to-take-Part-I

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191251/1/The-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-I-had-to-take-Part-II

It was about 2 or 3 days before I brought up the subject to my wife. I done so in a calm & reasonable manner. I was still very upset both with myself (for allowing this to happen), with my wife for defending the JW's in the past & also with the religion for not having the decency or common sense to realise that teaching children & infants adult information is destructive & morally wrong.

The conversation with my wife: I started off by stating that I had had concerns for a long time about the effect of JW teachings on my kids minds. I mentioned how I had brought up the matter in the past & how it had nearly always ended in an argument with my wife defending the corner of the JW's, saying that she didn't feel there was a problem. Well now, I said, there was a problem & I told her in great detail the conversation that I had had with my daughter. I told her how upset she was. I explained clearly that it was my opinion that my previous concerns were based on something & it was not just a case of 'me having a dig at the religion.' I explained that she should take this issue seriously & that I was on the verge of writing to the WTS.

Well, my wifes reaction was at first reasonable. I had asked her the question whether or not she found this acceptable, for our daughter to be thinking like this & being so upset about it. She said 'no.' I went on in the conversation to list some of the 'subject matters' under discussion at the kingdom hall (fornication, adultery, oral sex, satan, destruction of the wicked etc, etc). Again I asked her whether or not this was acceptable. She was torn. I could tell she wanted to agree with me that it was wrong but her defense mechanism was beginning to kick in very quickly at this point. This is when the conversation changed.

Just a point before I proceed; Having had a few days to try & work out how this conversation was going to go, it dawned on me that my wife could turn the blame on me. After all, I was the one that had left the truth! If I hadn't done that then my daughter wouldn't have to think along the lines of me being destroyed. Before I chatted to my wife I dismissed that she would use this train of thought. I was so convinced that she would be affected by what had happened & that she would regret exposing our daughter to something which deep down she knew was wrong.

Well, it turned out that this was where the blame lay. It was my fault. Having earlier agreed with me, my wife quickly turned within a few moments. She indeed said that 'if you hadn't left the truth then our daughter wouldn't be thinking along these lines.' As my wife uttered those words my heart just sank in my stomach. I began to feel sick. I couldn't believe that my wife was so determined to defend that organisation that even the fragility of our daughters mental state wasn't enough for her to seriously & honestly question that religion. I felt helpless. Sad, angry, upset, frustrated & utterly dejected.

Where do we go from here?

I couldn't really continue the conversation. It was beginning to get very out of control. For the next couple of days I was stunned into silence. I found it difficult to function. The realisation that ths religion could do just about anything & get away with it without any blame whatsoever was eating away at me.

Then, a slight turning point. My wife had had to trust that what I was telling her was actually true. That my daughter had said all those things that were twisting her mind & upsetting her so much. Then a couple of days later, she heard it straight from the horses mouth. Having seen that my wife & I were not talking for a day or so, my wee girl was trying to smooth things over (breaks my heart). After a brief conversation with my wife one morning my daughter came into the room & was cuddling me. I was crying. She turned to me & said "don't worry daddy, you'll not be on your own outside the paradise, you'll have your mum & dad with you." My wife sat up & looked stunned. Here was or daughter so determined to believe that nothing bad would happen to her daddy that she was actually beginning to alter their beliefs to make herself feel better about her dad being 'killed by god.' Now bear in mind, that was a rather tepid expression from my daughter when you take into account the content of what she had said a few days previously when she was hysterical. Yet it was enough to make my wife sit up & take notice. She was stunned. I just walked out of the room. Devastated again.

Ten minutes later I walked back into our room. My wife said 'Jambon, I won't take the kids to the meetings.' I asked her some more questions & she agreed that our kids thinking & talking like that was not right. I went on to ask her whether or not it raised other questions in her mind about the general rightness of the religion. My wife replied (while upset) that at the moment 'she couldn't go there.' I left it at that, seeing that she was probobly extreemly upset & that she was really fighting a losing battle over whether or not the religion has a bad effect on the kids minds. At that point I realised that my wife probobly has some 'silent issues' with the organisation herself. I'm not pushing that matter though. Neither am I hopeful that one day she will leave it all behind. My wife will have to do what is right for her & come to her own conclusions as we all have had to do.

So for the past few months my kids have been free from the insidious drip feeding of an organisation that does nothing to recognise its part in screwing up peoples minds. Maybe they don't realise that that is what they are doing. Maybe they do realise but just don't care. For my part, I can go on living now with a clear mind that I eventually did everything I could to save my kids form this disease. Goodness knows what would have been the sum total of my daughters mind after another 3 or 4 years of the religion. I don't have to worry now. My daugter seems carefree at the moment. We talk a lot & I tell her my views & beliefs which are rather more open minded that that of the JW's. Whether or not my wife still speaks to her about the truth is up to her. Having seen the fruitage of such, I am convinced that she will be considerate of what she talks about.

I love my wife. We were childhood sweethearts & she is a loving wife & a great mother. The religion has blinded her to any harm that they may have been causing. I can deal with that most of the time although it does frustrate me. But our marriage is strong despite the obvious differances in viepoint. I suspect that my wife respects me greatly even though the religion would rubbish my lifestyle & choices. She is a conflicted person. But she is a lovely, warm woman who cares about people. She will have to decide in years to come whether or not all the conflict in her mind is worthwhile. All I can do is continue to be a good husband & father.

Another interesting development is the way I have been treated by my old JW friends. My wife chose to tell the elders & a few of our close friends about her no longer taking the kids to the meeting. I believe that they know the reasons why. Since then, I have had little or no contact from them. Bearing in mind that I am not disfellowshipped & had previously had an 'open door' policy to anyone who still wanted to be in contact, I find this remarkable. Up until last September I still had a lot of contact with a few JW's. Now, they have obviously seen my stand as 'open opposition' or whatever they want to term it. I've been blackballed for good now. Some probobly wanted to do it before. Now they have their excuse. They're pathetic.

Rather than be concerned about what the religion has done to my kids or how I may be feeling about what is a rather serious situation, they just prefer to 'cut ties.' To the one or two that still want my friendship then fair enough. To those that see some reason to shun me I say 'shame on every one of you.' Thankfully, I have lots of truly loving friends & family around me. I don't look back at the witnesses with anything but pity mixed with a slight tinge of bitterness.

So after telling this story I feel somewhat like I have carried out a service to others. Why? Because if even one father/mother is moved to take action & protect their kids from the information that this religion so carelessly puts into the minds of our young then I say have done a good thing.

Please never, ever underestimate the effect that their teachings have on the mind of your children. If you suspect that your kids might be suffering then don't hold back just for 'peace sake.' Take action & protect your little ones. Once time passes, it's too late. The damage will be done. You can see by reading my 3 threads that many, many others have suffered in the same way as kids. It's not right. It's criminal. And it needs to be stopped.

Best,

J

31

The effect of this religion on my children & the action I had to take - Part II

by jambon1 in

i posted this part of the story earlier this week.. http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191112/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-i.

so we are at the point where my daughter has been taking in my lifestyle for 4 years since she i left the truth when she was just 4 years old.

my son who is a couple of years younger thankfully seems to be immune to most of the indoctrination from the jws.

jambon1

TS - I've thought a lot about this & I don't even know where to start. At one point in my rage I was about to telephone an elder. The next day I wrote a scathing letter to the society & then I had mentioned to my wife that I ws going to the newspapers. I did none of this for various reasons.

It makes me absolutely fume that these jokers get away with abusing childrens minds under the guise of 'religion'. Year upon year, generation upon generation.

But where to start?......

31

The effect of this religion on my children & the action I had to take - Part II

by jambon1 in

i posted this part of the story earlier this week.. http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191112/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-i.

so we are at the point where my daughter has been taking in my lifestyle for 4 years since she i left the truth when she was just 4 years old.

my son who is a couple of years younger thankfully seems to be immune to most of the indoctrination from the jws.

jambon1

Apologies for the formating going a bit wrong in the opening post.

Indeed, it is very sad that children have these sort of heavy issues on their little minds. It makes me extreemly angry. And I agree that it is abuse.

Thanks for your comments. Things have been dealt with since last September. I will tell the rest of the story in the last part.

31

The effect of this religion on my children & the action I had to take - Part II

by jambon1 in

i posted this part of the story earlier this week.. http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/191112/1/the-effect-of-this-religion-on-my-children-the-action-i-had-to-take-part-i.

so we are at the point where my daughter has been taking in my lifestyle for 4 years since she i left the truth when she was just 4 years old.

my son who is a couple of years younger thankfully seems to be immune to most of the indoctrination from the jws.

jambon1

Apologies, the last part shouldn't be in bold.

J