I never thought to kill some out of 'love' but there were soo many strong feelings of hoping someone would die so they would be resurrected.
For the few that did die (like grandparents), I never properly grieved their actual passing. Decades later, I still have occaisional overwhelming sense of loss. Loss of loved one and loss of time that was squandered while they were still alive. Not getting to know them as well as I should/could have, instead, time was spent preaching to them.
-Aude.