Unless you like to continue painful drama, dont bring your motherinlaw into this! This is between your husband and his brother, period. You saw how healthy and good it was for your husband to hear from his brother. Dont think for a moment such a fragile beautiful thing as this cant be absolutely spoiled by some meddling JW family member! Protect yourselves by keeping your lips sealed about this call!
Posts by anewme
-
38I Can't Believe JW Relative Called
by Jeannine inmy husband and i have been basically ignored for about 15 years by most of his jw family.
his mom calls once every few months, but only to ask for money (yes, she is a mooch).
both of his brothers are elders.
-
-
-
21
The Wedding Saga...Episode 2
by Krystal inhow cruel can these people be??.
1) my dad informs me this spring that my sister is getting married.. 2) i am of course not informed of the actual date incase i decide to show up.
3) i am sent a wedding invitation after the wedding has taken place along with a little letter from mom and dad.. 4) i get an e-mail from my mom with the link to the website of wedding photos and gushing dub comments.... "what a lovely family" blah blah blah.
-
-
anewme
Dear Krystal, at first reading your post I too felt upset and wondered what happened? What went so wrong? How could a loving family goof up so much? Then I read it again more carefully.....
First, your dad did let you know there was your sisters wedding coming up
and no you werent invited. After 4 years did you expect you would be?
Second, an announcement was sent to you after the fact (not unlike many who choose to send out only announcements of their already held weddings) accompanied by a personal letter from your parents (we hope that contained some loving words wishing you had been there etc.)
Thirdly the web photos were sent to you. I think there is where your mom errored. That was too much for one little heart! To see the family and former friends celebrating without you your own sisters wedding must have been incredibly painful!
You rightly wrote your mother of your deep hurt over the whole thing. She wrote you back acknowledging her folly over the photos. Her defense about the pain and family split being your fault only added salt to your wound. But like it or not, this is the way it is when we are Dfd from the org. The freedom comes sometimes at a very high price.
Now, you are a young woman who still needs her mother for many things in life yet to come.
I know your mom and dad love you Krystal. The fact they took time to inform you, send you notices and pictures and write apologies to you is evidence of that. Many of us have never heard from our loved ones again!!!!! It has been 4 years for me too. I could have died for all they know, and almost did!!!
Try try to understand their side. Pursue an avenue of communication and cooperation with your parents on a secret level. Stay in touch with them. You have a right to your own life and they know that. Try to find a way to get along and stay a family while you are away.
Oh and lastly.....there are few events in life more highly charged emotionally than weddings and their arrangements!!!! I recommend keeping weddings very simple. On a side note: I got married this last May after being dfd 4 years. We went to the justice of the peace and his mom was our only witness. 50 people got wedding announcements including his sister who was incensed by not being invited.
BUT THAT WAS OUR CHOICE--------NO GUESTS!
She has not spoken to us since. It has been almost 4 months! I think she has decided we are out of her life now. I wrote to her reminding her that we wanted a private wedding and that I was so happy about the simplicity of the whole thing and how much I loved her brother and mother and how grateful I am to be a part of such a loving family finally!
She wrote back recommending we have a nice life.
Ya cant please everyone Krystal, ya got to please yourself! -
10
Did your congregation organise *college* graduation parties?
by truthseeker inmost of the witnesses i know that have graduated high school in the congregation, have had a graduation party organized for them by the congregation.. however, i have yet to see anyone who graduated college get the same treatment.. .
recently, we had two college students graduate in june.
one elder who was asked to attend their graduation party refused the invite.. .
-
-
anewme
I respect and applaud those witness parents who are sending their kids to college despite the caution and peer pressure from the society. I think their needs to be words of caution for a person pursuing college while desiring to maintain a spiritual emphasis in life. But loving Christian parents can take measures to monitor the spiritual and scholastic progress of their child.
To ask a brother to step down because he lets his child attend college or trade school seems severe.
But if that happens, who cares? Being an elder is a burden of Christian love not required for life in the scriptures. What is required is that a man preside over his own household. That a man is overlooked for further "privileges" because he sends his kid to college so be it. The emphasis should be on the health of his own household, not on supporting the society's "current" understanding. With the decrease in congregational responsibilities he can read the Bible and publications with his own family more....
or attend college himself!!! -
100
Does anyone who Left Jehovahs Organization, still......
by defd inread the bible daily?
honestly do you?
or is it collecting dust on a table or shelf somewhere?
-
-
anewme
Who says you have to read the Bible daily? Where does it say it in the Bible? The Bible doesnt use the expression "the Bible" so there is no expression saying to read it daily.
There is Acts 17:11 But that is in reference to the Beroeans who thought to check out everything Paul was saying to them. It doesnt say they kept that up for ever...just until they were certain that "these things were so".
Would you quote Joshua 1:8 and use the example of the Israelites under Joshuas command who were advised to read the words of Moses? They were encouraged to read Moses "day and night".
Now I dont know about you, but the people I have seen and met who always take scripture literally and insist on other family members and friends doing so also and who read their Bibles day and night
become weirdos. There is a danger in reading the Bible too much you know. Persons who do so tend to take the Bible and its stories way too seriously and impose great burdens on others and try to make others feel guilty the same way the ancient pharisees used to lord it over others who they felt werent doing enough spiritually.
Jesus put those creeps in their places many times. I just finished reading Matthew 5. We cannot get all we need to please God out of the scriptures....more thought than that is required actually.Much of our gift to God comes from the insight of the workings of our own hearts of course based on scriptural knowledge. Jesus sums up his sermon at Matt. 5:48 with an extreme challenge to all of us requiring much more thought and love for neighbor than using our lives to sneer at others for reading their Bibles daily or not. -
11
New October 1 WT thoroughly, but ambiguously discourages college
by XBEHERE ini don't have the mag with me but i am fairly sure its the october 1 in the 2nd study article.
gives the same old reasoning they used to dish out i.e.
bad associations, promiscuity, drug and alcohol use, and essentially it is a waste of time.
-
-
anewme
Well that is not surprising. But realistically loving parents should decide what is best for their young ones based on knowledge of their child's strengths and weaknesses are. Living at home and attending junior college while insisting on meeting attendance and participation is one way witness parents can meet a happy medium and monitor their childs progress in higher education. If responsiblity is manifest and a career begins to blossom then it is a private family matter. One young ministerial servant in my old hall grew up a JW and graduated from college. He is exceptionally serious and spiritually minded and so married and got a great job in Silicone Valley. At 30 became and elder and bought a home and now has a family. I asked him about his college days. He said his parents saw his responsible nature and his keen mental abilities and judged that college would not take him away from the truth. They were right.
I understand the mentality to keep youth safe from godless influences. When life is all said and done a happy family life and relationship with God does not make for a bad life. To be cautious in the great big world is good advice. But to deny or apply peer pressure to youths not to take advantage of education that will aid them in being better providers and homeowners someday is just wrong and unbalanced.
As an example many of us who heeded the advice of the society are completely unprepared to feed, house and clothe ourselves in this world. Minimum wage does not pay for rent, food, autos and gas these days. -
87
My undisfellowshipping
by kwintestal inrevised statementhere's the sound byte.
(i hope it works!
kwin
-
-
anewme
I envy the fact you will now be resurrected again.
-
5
When demons attack...don't pay the rent
by frozen one in.
i read about this in the local sunday paper.
a jw couple in florida leased space to open a restaurant but now want to back out because the space they rented is haunted.. http://www.orlandosentinel.com/orl-ghost0805sep08,0,3349932.story
-
-
anewme
What a problem! I kind of feel for the Chungs. I wouldnt want to move in there either with the awful history of the place. Didnt they know the background???? I hope the judge lets them out of the deal based on lack of full disclosure. There must be provisions for cases like this. Since there is public heresay of secret infanticide, I would think this sad fact qualifies under laws regarding the disclosure of murder on the premises, which JW or not, asian people with a buddhist background are very concerned about. There are lots of other people who would love to be associated with a sick place like that.
-
32
Did you enjoy being a JW?
by JH inevery time i went to a meeting, book study, or whatever, the great majority of people looked as if they were truly happy to be a jw.
their smiles looked genuine.
they seemed to love talking to each other.. i, on the other hand, wasn't really happy to be at the meetings.
-
-
anewme
I thought I did.
When I first discovered it at 17 I was astounded by the persuasive force of the Watchtower and Awake and the zealous witnesses and the meetings! It was 1972 and the whole congregation was on fire with enthusiasm. I wondered where these wonderful people had been all my life.
They were such a contrast to my own family embroiled in alcoholsim and catholicism and divorce and discouragement.
But I think my background of worthlessness prepared by my alcoholic mother and neglectful father paved the way for me to be an exceptionally zealous publisher. I discovered if I pioneered and gave talks and had the book study in my home and this and that I could be SOMEBODY in the JWs!
I abandoned my own family and embraced wholeheartedly the JWs.
I pioneered. I went where the need was greater. I played in the convention orchestra when they still had live players. I went to every meeting without missing one for years. Had the book study in my home.
Kept myself chaste until I married at 28. My husband quickly rose in rank and became an elder.
Our lives were thoroughly enmeshed in the org. Both of us were soldiers in the truth for Jehovah.
But the years went by. His brothers married and had babies, we did not.
They bought houses. We did not.
They took trips. We did not.
We had the elder who was always gone to some island or part of the world and would return with "Greetings from Costa Rica!" or wherever. I grew more and more jealous of other wealthier witnesses.
We lived in a wealthy Bay Area town. The overseer drove a yellow brand new Porsche to the meetings.
I felt this was kind of wrong..a showy display..I tried to defend his need to drive a Porsche. But what were the others to think. We who had given up college due to warnings like the 69 Awake May 22 pge.15.
His wife drove her new Lexus.
All the elder body was rich in that hall.
I started to compare my zealous life with those who seemed more balanced in their style.
I've complained to you all before how I begged my husband to slow down in the org. Lets take a weekend off or go somewhere or meet me for lunch or turn off the phone and just snuggle on the sofa. Lets have a life.
No! We were a 24/7 call center for all the witnesses and his Bible Studies. He would keep his Bible Studies at our house for 3 1/2 -4 hours just so he could get his time in as a pioneer! He did not care that I was going nuts!!
I would just get up and leave the study in our living room after about the second hour. Ihad things to do, pets to tend to, whatever. We did not have a private life anymore. I thought my husband was getting sick in the head. He was changing. He thought I was spiritually sick.
I went to Kaiser for depression. They heard me out about my life. In their opinion I needed a change.
In their professional opinion I was mentally enmeshed to a very unhealthy point in the Watchtower and wit my husband. They felt I needed more freedom to express my own thoughts and live life the way I wanted. That I would only recover from the depression if these changes were made.
I made some changes. I'm out now and divorced from my first love.
Not a day goes by I dont think of him and my witness family and my former life at least 50 times.
Last night I prayed to Jehovah I hurt so bad for the wretched outcome of all that pressure I was under.
If time heals all wounds, this one is going to take a long time. -
8
Hack Yourself! You can live the life you want to live!
by daystar inthis is an email that was sent a while back.
i found in on this website.
i think there is are some good ideas in it.
-
-
anewme
If I could only make money shelling out this advice. People eat it up.
-
21
Diet Suggestions
by I quit! ini've reached critcal mass.
all my clothes are tight.
since the spring i have had a series of injuries that have kept me from exercising.
-
-
anewme
Since my dfing I have gained an enormous amount of weight. Could be my age too.
I started out a fat child. Over the years I have lost weight so many times.
I was so skinny when I was 19. I weighed only 105 and I was 5'4". That was the summer I ate only apples. I rented a cottage that had an apple tree and so I ate tons of green apples til I grew so thin.
It was recreational to drop a few for some reason to show my youthful body.
A new crush was always so motivational!!!!
The last time I lost weight was right before I left my elder JW husband.
I was so angry with him! That was motivation enough to shed 6 dress sizes.
After living with me for 20 years the weight loss did nothing to impress him.
But it did impress others.
Now I am happily married to a wonderful man and am gaining again like a baby whale!
I have this gorgeous man to undress for every night and I am starting to panic!!
I always said if Purina would come out with a people chow that would guarantee I would maintain a perfect size 6 if I ate only 3 cups of it daily I WOULD DEFINITELY LIVE ON IT!!!!
Well, the other day I bought these awful crackers from another country. They have no salt, sugar, flavor really. They taste like dog food minus the greasy taste... (yes, I have tried my dogs kibble)
They are huge and have virtually no calories and are 100% whole grain.
They are so bland and disgusting really, I have no desire to overeat on them or pig out.
I am restricting myself to one cracker a day with water, coffee, diet soda or tea.
(One cracker is as big as a car wheel)
I figure people who must subsist on bread and water always lose weight. And the only way I have ever lost weight was by crash dieting on something or other. I remember a wedding back in the late 70s.
I needed to fit into a very pretty dress to impress my future husband. I ate plain yogurt for a week. Nothing but plain yogurt...... result? Lost the weight and danced with the man!
Now I know my fad diet advice is not for everyone. I admire and respect those who can follow Weight Watchers and the Beverly Hills or South Beach or any of the thousands of diets which call for measuring or mixing or following a week's varied program.
That is not for me.
I shall call my diet the Dog Biscuit Diet!
Let you know how it goes.
I am just looney enough (after everything I've been through) to make this dog food diet work!
Wish me luck!