I too am a ubm that detests this cult and the damage it can do to families. The big pink elephant is ALWAYS in the room. We do not discuss anything jw related or try not to. Every now and then, like in your house, it rears its ugly head. I never accepted it and never will, if he thinks otherwise he is truly deranged. (my jw joined up later in life, we have no family or friends in the cult)
I never allowed my kids near a kh and did all I could to minimize the damage. I also did not allow any wt literature to be lying around and that helped enormously. Now? I'm sure he uses his devices but at least I don't have to look at the rags. Holidays are still done in this house complete with Christmas decorations outside and in, birthday dinners for the kids, etc... The kids are grown now and out of the house, they have gone on to become Christians and are very happy in their churches. They do many volunteer activities at church, usually involving the poor or less fortunate.
When I say I didn't "allow" the rags to be lying around I mean he could have left them out as the house is half his afterall, however if he did I would find horrible news stories involving jw's, apostate books, apostate print outs, etc... and leave them out because the house is also half mine. Did we go through WW3? yes, for a short while but to me it was well worth it not to have wt crap staring me in the face 24/7. The house should be neutral space, a refuge for the marriage and family.
At times I still get angry and feel I must do something! so I go and deliver anti witness literature. It is not as often as I used to but every now and again a story here or elsewhere will move me to get off my duff and deliver. I will take 10-15 min on the way somewhere and depending on the subdivision can deliver 50-100 homes in a short time (leaving in paperboxes). Perhaps it is immature and does no good at all but it makes me feel better to warn the unsuspecting public about these nicely dressed people coming to their door trying to suck them into a dangerous cult.
Lately my jw seems quite disturbed by all that is going on the world at this moment and if he could he would use the jw lingo on me but then he would have his own little war right in his own living room. I will always call out jw "unique" language or if I know he is using prepared statements by the wt (sometimes it is nearly word for word!) I will always stand up against the wt if he tries to use it in public and then the gates of hell are opened and the kitchen sink is thrown against wt (pedophile issue,shunning, ungodly doctrines, etc............ of course it will never open his eyes and I am well aware of that but I will not allow him to attempt to suck someone into the cult in my presence.
Oh my, re-reading this make me sound like a real hard ass huh? Not really, over the years we have found a delicate dance around all things jw and in general get along great. We do many activities together and have many future plans. For the most part his authentic personality shows through most of the time. News is a great stressor for him and I will notice when he is sinking into jw mode and I attempt to bring up some other subject that he finds pleasurable. It is an odd life to be sure to find yourself married to a cult member. Find the humor in it when you can and a good friend that can understand what the heck you are talking about! Most people do not understand the cult mind at all, can't even fathom it.
You are not alone, wishing you well,
carla
(sorry for the length)
