Dear Brothers:
It has come to our attention that there is a demonic movie about to be released that your children may insist on seeing. The Smurfs are tool that Satan uses to lead our precious young ones away from Jehovah's blessed organization. This evil movie provides crystal clear proof of Satan’s activity and of the remarkable fulfillment of the sign of Jesus’ super-secret, invisible royal presence in heavenly Kingdom power. The time is at hand! Armageddon will soon be upon us! To save yourself you must follow all of our rules including:
- Destroying all smurfs
- Boycotting demonic Smurf movie
- Running to the nearest Kingdom Hall
- Attending every meeting to hear
propaganda God's word - Devoting at least 10 hours a month to
spreading propaganda preaching the good news - Donating generously to the
brainwashing worldwide work fund - Shunning anyone who
realizes we are full of crap is an evil apostate
Do these things and maybe, just maybe, God will have mercy on you and save you from everlasting destruction.
Sincerely,
Your loving brothers at the Watchtower, Bible and Tract Society