I’m absolutely convinced of your sincerity and fervor. Your parallel about how we both fell for the scam of the WT is true; and, we have both changed dramatically since. Here’s where we differ: I decided not to let my emotions, and even further, my passion, desire and need to believe to be the pivotal factor in finding answers. I set on a path to discover what I could really know with any degree of certainty. I can tell you know that my quest led to more questions than answers. However, I think I (in many cases, reluctantly) reached some conclusions I’m willing to live with. I summarize my condition as one where I will often say “I don’t know” about many things rather than force an answer and admit to not knowing because there is no practical or logical way to know.
I realize your need to surrender to the idea of Christ and accept Him as your Savior. But that doesn’t make Him real any more than anything I can imagine and don’t have. It’s a very seductive thing, though unselfish and even spiritual. What I’ve found is that I receive similar benefits by appreciating the universe and its wonders; by nurturing my relationships; by being in awe at the realization of the complexity of life and the cosmos by looking at a cell or a galaxy. By telling you all of that, I’m stressing to you that what you have is not exclusive or simply the purview of believing in Christ or any other deity. I did not come willingly to this place. I arrived after an arduous trek and then noticed that it was good. More importantly, I realized that it was not the destination that was ultimately important. It was the journey or how I got here that made all the difference; having sincerely reasoned; having kept an open mind; having been challenged by others to rid myself of tradition, religious inculcation and belief-based separatism.
No one can deny you your feelings. But many can certainly demonstrate that aside from you, those feelings are not founded upon any real quantities. That is one of the fundamental questions I started asking even before I left the WTS. I thought about it because I had already experienced intense attachment to causes and had felt highly emotional about something greater than myself. I had to take a more sober and rational approach rather than be a victim to my loftiest desires and good intentions. It’s a good thing I never lost the fervor and intensity for anything and that still allows me to enjoy life with reasonable freedom.