First, a little background. I lurk here from time to time, generally if I am feeling down or having trouble with something re: JWs. I have not been to a meeting for over a year now, and neither has my wife. We get the normal "we'd love to see you" visits from a couple of elders and my parents.
I have not said anything about not wanting to go or how I feel about JWs (I don't hate them, but also don't believe everything they push either) to them or the elders. Didn't want the discussion that would ensue.
Well, we (my wife and I) decided to go to memorial tonight (it was a tough decision, believe me.) As we were making our way to the door after memorial (pretty much right after it was over) my mom came up to say goodbye. She didn't really ask about what I have been thinking by not going to the meetings, but she said to remember that we are family, and no matter what decision I made (she didn't specify, but it was obvious what she was talking about), that we would still be family and they would not cut off contact. She also asked if we were upset or mad at her/my dad, and I assured her we weren't. This is probably cause we haven't spent much time with them since pulling away.
I think this might stem from a conversation were my dad asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about in regards to JWs, and instead of my normal brushoff and saying that we were trying, I just said it wasn't something I was ready to talk about yet.
I have also mentioned to my grandparents (Dads parents, who have never been JWs)that my wife and I weren't attending meetings and that if they wanted to invite us for family things like Thanksgiving and other normal "No thank you" events, we would be receptive. They did invite us for Thanksgiving and Christmas - we went to Thanksgiving. I'm sure that got back to my parents as well, but I'm not sure exactly what was said.
My parents became JWs when I was 1 year old, so I was raised a JW all my life - I'm nearing 30 now. My wife was raised Lutheran, but her parents and her became JWs when she was in her teens. We are both doing this together, but it is much easier for her (I believe) due to the fact she has attended other churches and such before.
Anyways, I felt I needed to post this and get it out there. My parents are supportive, but it is comforting to know that they won't necessarily shun me for the decisions I have to make. This has been weighing hevily on me, so it is a little relief.
Sorry for rambling
Mael
M@el5trom
JoinedPosts by M@el5trom
-
14
Mom said we would still be family regardless of my decision
by M@el5trom infirst, a little background.
i lurk here from time to time, generally if i am feeling down or having trouble with something re: jws.
i have not been to a meeting for over a year now, and neither has my wife.
-
-
M@el5trom
-
6
The WTS and Holidays
by Maverick init's that time of year again and the age old problem of conflict between the wts and the worldly family emerges once more.
so to all you lurkers and newbees let me just say this.
forget the religious aspect of the pagan origins of these times.
-
-
M@el5trom
My grandparents invited my wife and I to their house this year for Thanksgiving, and we accepted. I had told them that we would at a previous meeting earlier in the fall. My parents and all 3 brothers did not show, despite being invited. One of my uncles and his family were there, the other was having dinner with his wife's family.
We had a good time - we ate dinner, played cards, and talked and caught up on things. Never once did I feel like anything we did was even remotely pagan or even religous in nature, even the short thanksgiving prayer (grace?) that was said was not "pagan" and was about the same as a short prayer a brother might say over a meal at a Witness get-together.
Of course, this week was the CO visit, and we had a visit from the elders to make sure we knew about it (and my parents also). Unfortunately, we got home a little late for the Thursday meeting - darn. Actually, we haven't been to a meeting/assembly in over a year now, so that's not really new.
I'm just glad I let my grandparents know that we would be happy to come over if invited directly, as they probably would have invited us through my parents, and they would have declined for us. I'm still waiting to see if anything happens from this, as I'm sure that eventually my parents will know we went over there for Thanksgiving, and will want to know why.
Mael
-
8
Didn't go to assembly last weekend
by M@el5trom inthis marks the first time my wife and i didn't go to the district convention by choice (one other time we missed all three days due to illness).
my wife was sick this weekend, but we would not have gone anyways.
we probably would have gone camping this weekend if she wasn't sick and it wasn't raining all weekend.
-
-
M@el5trom
This marks the first time my wife and I didn't go to the District Convention by choice (one other time we missed all three days due to illness). My wife was sick this weekend, but we would not have gone anyways. We probably would have gone camping this weekend if she wasn't sick and it wasn't raining all weekend. The sickness may make for a good excuse if my parents start inquiring, though.
I really feel like I should tell them why I didn't go, but I don't know if that is wise. I don't think I'm ready for a big confrontation - maybe with them, but nobody else (elders, etc.)
I would like to know, if anyone did go, what the releases were this year. I heard one was a brochure along the lines of the Require brochure.
Thanks for listening,
Mael
-
-
-
M@el5trom
What I have read is that the Illuminati is a very powerful secret society that controls most of the governments of the world for their own interests. Sometimes the story goes that the don't have full control of the governments, but can influence events. Their symbol is the pyramid with the eye on top like on the back of the $1 bill (US money). Some point to that as a proof of their existance.
There are a lot of conspiracy theories about the Illuminati - I'm sure a Google search will bring up a ton of information. Who knows if any of it is true.
Mael -
8
What do you do when Elders (or Parents) come calling?
by M@el5trom inthe subject pretty much is my question, but here is a little background - i have recently made the decision to fade away, but have been relatively inactive as a jw for a couple years.
i live in the same town i grew up in, and at one time was a ms and regular pioneer.
therefore, a couple of elders, and my dad, make a point of stopping by to see how we (my wife and i) are doing.
-
-
M@el5trom
I do "work a lot of overtime" - some of it for real :) Especially on Tues. and Thurs. nights. In fact - I am working some OT tommorrow night.
This is something that my wife and I talk about frequently. I have been making steps towards this. It is ingrained deeply in me to please my parents as well, and I would like to keep the relationship if at all possible, but I realize it may not be. -
8
What do you do when Elders (or Parents) come calling?
by M@el5trom inthe subject pretty much is my question, but here is a little background - i have recently made the decision to fade away, but have been relatively inactive as a jw for a couple years.
i live in the same town i grew up in, and at one time was a ms and regular pioneer.
therefore, a couple of elders, and my dad, make a point of stopping by to see how we (my wife and i) are doing.
-
-
M@el5trom
The subject pretty much is my question, but here is a little background - I have recently made the decision to fade away, but have been relatively inactive as a JW for a couple years. I live in the same town I grew up in, and at one time was a MS and regular pioneer. Therefore, a couple of elders, and my dad, make a point of stopping by to see how we (my wife and I) are doing. My wife has had a series of health issues, so that has been our main excuse for not being at the meetings so far.
The problem is that that will only last so long, and my dad is already pointing out that I COULD be going by myself if my "priorities" were in the right area. The main elder that stops by is a friend of the family and I grew up with his son as my best friend, so he feels a personal interest in helping me.
I really don't want to outright lie to them (not to mention I am bad at lying anyways), but I am not ready to face the consequences if I tell them my concerns and thoughts about the org. Regardless of the relationships involved, I'm sure it would become a problem if I was not able to "adjust" my thinking correctly.
Mael -
25
Pioneer School Book
by Eyebrow inever since i was a kid i wanted to be a pioneer and go to pioneer school.
i remember how every summer a crop of pioneers would come back all excited from the school with a "pioneer book" that no one was allowed to read except pioneers that had gone to school.
seriously, even as an adult a good friend of mine would not even let me take a peak, as it was taboo.
-
-
M@el5trom
We were encouraged to share our pioneer book at our PSS. I took it out in service with me for a while afterward and we would look at it between houses.
The first half of my book is chock full of notes, but I think I started to get burned out on all the studying as the second half gets more and more sparse.
As others have stated - there really isn't anything secret in it, just alot of info pertinant to field service at your fingertips. It definately helps you be more "productive" and gives you both a reason to finish your first year and a boost going into your second. (I didn't finish my second year though - got burned out)
Mike -
17
New here (long)
by M@el5trom ini'v been lurking for a while now, reading many of the messages, and thought now's as good as time as any to say hi and tell ya'll a little about me.
i was raised a jw, and am currently still in "good standing", although inactive.
i went to the memorial and special talk and a recent special day ca, but few meetings or fs in quite some time.
-
-
M@el5trom
Its interesting that my wife came to most of her conclusions pretty much on her own, while I had to read books and other's experiances to "prove" to myself the same conclusions. And funny enough, she'll tell me something and it'll be something I just finished reading :)
She was in a Lutheran church prior to becoming a JW in her early teens, while I was raised a JW - I think that is what make the difference in how we reached our conclusions. It just felt wrong to her, while I had to hear it over and over again to stop justifying things.
I do count my blessings that we feel the same way now, as there was some times when she was really pushing to be more regular and I didn't want to even though I thought I was doing wrong just by feeling that way. That led to some tough questions at the time as I wasn't ready to admit that JWs might be wrong.
Mike -
17
New here (long)
by M@el5trom ini'v been lurking for a while now, reading many of the messages, and thought now's as good as time as any to say hi and tell ya'll a little about me.
i was raised a jw, and am currently still in "good standing", although inactive.
i went to the memorial and special talk and a recent special day ca, but few meetings or fs in quite some time.
-
-
M@el5trom
Thanks for the replies. I'll clarify a few things. When I say I feel guilty about reading it, it is more about what would others think, not so much personally guilty - like if the book is in the car I cover it up to make sure someone doesn't see it (there are JWs where I work)
-
17
New here (long)
by M@el5trom ini'v been lurking for a while now, reading many of the messages, and thought now's as good as time as any to say hi and tell ya'll a little about me.
i was raised a jw, and am currently still in "good standing", although inactive.
i went to the memorial and special talk and a recent special day ca, but few meetings or fs in quite some time.
-
-
M@el5trom
Hello. I'v been lurking for a while now, reading many of the messages, and thought now's as good as time as any to say hi and tell ya'll a little about me.
I was raised a JW, and am currently still in "good standing", although inactive. I went to the memorial and special talk and a recent special day CA, but few meetings or FS in quite some time. My wife and I have been discussing our issues with the WT org. off and on for a while, and about 2 months ago we finally were able to discuss it openly - in the past we had always hinted about "questions" we might have, or "problems" with the org., but you just don't discuss those things openly for fear of lightning (or something like that). She has been having some health issues(cronic fatigue and knee problems), and is very disappointed at the lack of effort anyone made to see if she was ok. I'v had problems with the meetings being boring and repetitive more than 10 years ago (causing huge fights with my parents in my teens), but never let myself investigate why I felt that way.
I finally took the forbidden plunge, and bought Crisis of Conscience and Franz's other book Christian Freedom - I finished the one and am most of the way through the second. I still feel quite quilty about investigating "apostate" literature and websites, but have finally decided that I need to know to make an informed decision about the JW org.
Its funny while reading those books how the JW training clicks in to offer an explanation for some of the experiances he describes.
I was on the "fast track" for a while - when I graduated I went to comunity college and regular pioneered for a year and a half, thought about Bethel service, and was appointed a MS during that time. Then I moved out, got a decent job (still part time, so as to continue pioneering) - partied pretty hard that first summer, my roommate, a JW, was DFed in a little over a year after we moved in together, my fleshly brother was DFed for smoking, and another of my buddies was DFed, both my best friends growing up had married and had lives of their own, and I was getting ready to get married. I didn't get DFed but did get council and lost my MS and privileges. I had quite pioneering about a year before all this happened.
Thats when I really started being inactive. My wife and I were not allowed to use the hall for our wedding as we drove together to the meetings from time to time (one of the elders actually told us: it only takes a minute to sin! ON THE WAY TO THE MEETING? LOL I felt bad for his wife though even back then)
Anyways, we've been married for 5 years, with sporatic meeting attendance and FS. We were rarely contacted to comfort or spiritually upbuild, and when we were it was always "when are you coming back to the meetings?"
We've been talking alot now about our future, my wife is all for checking out other religions, but I am not sure that a formal organization is needed, and don't want to be "burned" again either.
Sorry to ramble, but I haven't had anyone else to talk to either, so its nice to get it all out.
Mike