New here (long)

M@el5trom

Hello. I'v been lurking for a while now, reading many of the messages, and thought now's as good as time as any to say hi and tell ya'll a little about me.

I was raised a JW, and am currently still in "good standing", although inactive. I went to the memorial and special talk and a recent special day CA, but few meetings or FS in quite some time. My wife and I have been discussing our issues with the WT org. off and on for a while, and about 2 months ago we finally were able to discuss it openly - in the past we had always hinted about "questions" we might have, or "problems" with the org., but you just don't discuss those things openly for fear of lightning (or something like that). She has been having some health issues(cronic fatigue and knee problems), and is very disappointed at the lack of effort anyone made to see if she was ok. I'v had problems with the meetings being boring and repetitive more than 10 years ago (causing huge fights with my parents in my teens), but never let myself investigate why I felt that way.

I finally took the forbidden plunge, and bought Crisis of Conscience and Franz's other book Christian Freedom - I finished the one and am most of the way through the second. I still feel quite quilty about investigating "apostate" literature and websites, but have finally decided that I need to know to make an informed decision about the JW org.

Its funny while reading those books how the JW training clicks in to offer an explanation for some of the experiances he describes.

I was on the "fast track" for a while - when I graduated I went to comunity college and regular pioneered for a year and a half, thought about Bethel service, and was appointed a MS during that time. Then I moved out, got a decent job (still part time, so as to continue pioneering) - partied pretty hard that first summer, my roommate, a JW, was DFed in a little over a year after we moved in together, my fleshly brother was DFed for smoking, and another of my buddies was DFed, both my best friends growing up had married and had lives of their own, and I was getting ready to get married. I didn't get DFed but did get council and lost my MS and privileges. I had quite pioneering about a year before all this happened.

Thats when I really started being inactive. My wife and I were not allowed to use the hall for our wedding as we drove together to the meetings from time to time (one of the elders actually told us: it only takes a minute to sin! ON THE WAY TO THE MEETING? LOL I felt bad for his wife though even back then)

Anyways, we've been married for 5 years, with sporatic meeting attendance and FS. We were rarely contacted to comfort or spiritually upbuild, and when we were it was always "when are you coming back to the meetings?"

We've been talking alot now about our future, my wife is all for checking out other religions, but I am not sure that a formal organization is needed, and don't want to be "burned" again either.

Sorry to ramble, but I haven't had anyone else to talk to either, so its nice to get it all out.

Mike

Corvin

I finally took the forbidden plunge, and bought Crisis of Conscience and Franz's other book Christian Freedom - I finished the one and am most of the way through the second. I still feel quite quilty about investigating "apostate" literature and websites, but have finally decided that I need to know to make an informed decision about the JW org. Its funny while reading those books how the JW training clicks in to offer an explanation for some of the experiances he describes.

I was raised in the organization, and df'd for 14 years before I stopped defending the beliefs and doctrines of the WTBTS. I would not even listen to anything that was anti-org. When I would strike up conversations in various settings with those who turned out to be df'd or xjw's I would usually defend the org and encourage them to go back. I would tell them, "No matter what any man has said or done, it is still the truth, and I intend to return one day . . . " I was waiting to align my life with the WTBTS's edicts and policies . . . to bring my life into harmony with "Jehovah's Organization". That day never came, however.

My exwife, a JW, had custody of our children and used "the truth" in the most diabolical ways against me and my children. I thought it was just her, but after some time and after seeing how the elders in their congregation were dealing with their domestic and spiritual challenges, with their abuse of my children, I took very much exception to how they were allowing my children to suffer in Jehovah's name and needlessly. I finally woke the hell up and intervened with the help of the law [I felt guilty because I thought going against my ex-wife, a jw in good standing, with the authorities, I was going up against Jehovah himself, so it was very scarey at first] and I received help from CPS, and I got custody of my kids, very rare for a man to be able to do. I knew at that point that Jehovah was no more with that woman or the elders than a man on the moon. That was all I needed to see to give me courage.

I too recently read those books, M, and I sort of took the same path, trying to justify and rationalize the actions and doctrines of the WTBTS. I did not want to believe everything I had always believed was, for the most part, a lie. In my heart, I already knew it was no use to go back to the organization and my attempts to rationalize, I suppose, was just my heart and mind making sure and offering some kind of valid argument for the beliefs I still clung to. The fact is, there is much too much documentation in those two books for anyone with common sense to rationalize away, no matter who wrote the book and no matter for what purpose. I am now glad I took the time to learn the truth about "The Truth".

Welcome, M, and I hope you continue to find the answers you are looking for. You have entered a forum rich with experienced ones in and out of the org. As for me? I have never been happier or felt more liberated since I made a conscious decision to leave and never return. It does mean starting over again, making new friends, forming new relationships and making new decisions on your own. However, if the place you are leaving is that empty, what have you really got to lose by leaving it?

Best Regards,

Corvin

bebu

Welcome, M!

Your post wasn't long at all--it was quite interesting.

Sounds like things are going to be chaning for you and your wife... in a good way! Glad to hear that you're both investigating together about this. Maybe she'd like to join the board, too?

Cheers,

bebu

exjdub

Welcome to the forum M@, happy to have you here.

We've been talking alot now about our future, my wife is all for checking out other religions, but I am not sure that a formal organization is needed, and don't want to be "burned" again either.

You will find many that feel as you do. It is difficult, after being mistreated for so long to think about opening up your heart again to organized religion. My wife and I have not been interested in doing so and have been "inactive" for 6 years. There are some, however, who have been able to do it (like LittleToe) and have found hapiness. Take your time, there is no rush. Savor the freedom for a bit...there is always time to dedicate your life to another religion if you so choose. Just an opinion, for what it's worth.

exjdub

myauntfanny

Interesting post maelstrom, and welcome to the board. I think this is a good place to get it all out. There isn't really anybody else who can understand but ex-JWs. People who have never been JWs are at a loss, especially to understand all the fear and guilt. Current JWs can't hear you, because their ears are turned off. Good luck.

blondie

Hi maelstrom, my husband (Irreverent) and I are faders, inactive JWs in "good standing" whatever that means since the WTS teaches if you are not active you are dead in the eyes of God.

We have not attended meetings for about 18 months. There was a flurry in the beginning of concern for us by half a dozen people, now there is silence and that is after more than 40 years as a JW.

We've been talking alot now about our future, my wife is all for checking out other religions, but I am not sure that a formal organization is needed, and don't want to be "burned" again either.

We are taking our time. We have attended some churches but found the liturgy at the Catholic and Lutheran churches more than we wanted to handle. But they were friendly and we do some social things. Mostly we stay and home and study together, finding our way out of the WTS thinking.

Welcome, Blondie.

bikerchic

Welcome Mike!

I finally took the forbidden plunge, and bought Crisis of Conscience and Franz's other book Christian Freedom - I finished the one and am most of the way through the second. I still feel quite quilty about investigating "apostate" literature and websites, but have finally decided that I need to know to make an informed decision about the JW org.

I know how you are feeling "guilty" and all, for me I had to re-define the term "apostate". Once I did that I felt free to investigate and become informed about the WTS. Both those books are good reads, don't stop there, and enjoy the journey.

Kate

Joker10

I do not know how you can say that you are in "good standing" and, yet, inactive.

Sassy

Joker, I am sure he means that in the term that he is not df'd or da'd..

If you think of one who is not in good standings, most of the time people assume either are either one of those.. which apparently he is not.

Welcome to JWD M@el5trom! I hope both you and your wife can find some help here. Many of us have.

Shutterbug

We were rarely contacted to comfort or spiritually upbuild, and when we were it was always "when are you coming back to the meetings?"

It took a while but it finally dawned on my pea sized brain that these people didn't care about me, just the numbers my family and I provided for their records. As far as your spirituality is concerned, they could care less as long as you are attending meetings and selling books and magazines.

Welcome to this board, there are any number of folks here who can give you advice on any issue with which you may have a problem. Bug

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