slimboyfat,
I think that you are overstating the non-belief of ex-JWs and (especially) understating the non-belief of the average citizen.
For example, you say that average citizens merely "fail to believe" that JWs have the truth, whereas ex-JWs go out of their way to "believe that JWs do not have the truth." But I think that this comes down to degrees of informedness.
To clarify, consider your position on some religon that you don't really know much about. Let's just pick Hare Krishnas, for example. Apologies if you do know a lot about this group, but just imagine that you don't for the moment. If you were asked whether they had the truth, you would probably answer in the negative, but it might be qualified with a "Well, I don't know too much about them, but..."
Now consider a person who has left the Hare Krishnas, a Krishna apostate, if you will. Our Krishna apostate likewise believes the Krishnas don't have the truth, but he is much better informed regarding exactly why. Since being informed rightly makes a person more confident in their viewpoints, the apostate Krishna is more passionate. This would especially be the case if he believed the religion was not neutrally "not true," but actually harmful.
So it is with the Witnesses. Most of the people on this board agree - as do most of the people on the planet - that the JWs do not have the truth. The only difference is that the people on this board are, on average, much better informed, so they rightly hold their viewpoint with more confidence. If some become strident in their views, that is unfortunate, since it is that very thing that most people dislike about groups such as the Witnesses. But that is not a trait common to all people who have left the organization.
So I think it should be clear that these boxes you are continually putting people in are meaningless. They do not aid in discussion here. I think you would enjoy yourself a lot more - and get more out of the discussions - if you would abandon your efforts to classify people and instead just discuss things.
I hope you're enjoying this discussion. I am.
SNG