will her daughter ever get over being over protective of her mother? If so how long should I give it? It is just that I really care about my friend, I have told her this and would like to spend a little more time with her without sneeking around. I am also wondering if she (my lady friend) is playing a little cool because of being afraid of commitment due to her bad past relationships. If so do I cool it for a bit?
Highly unlikely her daughter will ever let down her guard, you will always be viewed as an alien, at least for quite some time, until it is that you've had an opportunity to demonstrate your trustworthiness to her mother, first, then maybe her daughter will be able to trust you, but that's light years in the future my friend and by the time she does get a chance to trust you, she'll hopefully be invested in her own private life, grown and out of the house, hopefully.
You are viewed as a threat to the natural order of things, even if there is nothing but chaos and absolute utter confusion in the midst of that natural order. We are most uncomfortable with that which we are unfamilliar with. Her daughter has already suffered significant psychological damage with her ex. Are you willing to commit yourself to the potentially destructive energy of him being in the mix, whether they have custody issues, parental rights, court dates and him being involved to whatever extent?
You've a very complicated mix on your plate there sir, and even if you really like her, you should conscietiously consider the emotional value, and more importantly, cost of investing your life's energy in such a complex arena. I'd hate to think that you would find yourself two years down the road wishing that you had never gotten involved in the first place, it's all gravy now, but time brings the necessity for Pepto Bismal in every relationship. Your ten years of solitude might do you good two more, and besides, shes rebound material, with significant drama going on in her world, I hope you're not playing rescue 911, she may not need a hero at this juncture in her life, but need to heal from the damage with you at a comfortable distance.
I speak from experience here, I have stepchildren and it is a completely different kind of war that must be fought and in the holding down a relationship with a woman who has damaged adult children in the mix, you've got one hell of a fight on your hands.
Whatever you do, I wish you luck, cause you'll need it.