The reason I arrived, and why I'm still here...

by OldSoul 29 Replies latest jw friends

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  OldSoul

  Thanks to lilycurly, I don't think I will be able to even nominally remain a Witness for much longer. The whole "fading" thing goes against the grain anyway.

  I arrived here, as my first venture into ex-JW land, as a lurker. Within a few hours, I spotted two people I knew who—to my surprise—had not yet become ex-ex-JWs but were still posting here. They were obviously due for departure from the forum. Neither could relate very well to JWs who chose to stay in anymore, which is a sure sign it is time to let others take up the torch and move on with your life.

  I watched for about an hour, hardly believing how boldly people were speaking. I was used to doing that but the people close to me are never comfortable with it, hence I was a male, and "just a publisher" at 30. In JW land, there must be something wrong with you.

  A spiritual hex, my bold tongue. If I could just learn to conform long enough to become an elder—someone told me when I was in my early twenties—I could do so much more "good." But, I had already dicovered that publishers have far more freeness of speech than those in any position of responsibility have. I had the privilege of helping to wake up the person who encouraged me to become an elder. He's a forum assistant here.

  But, I digress (often ). I jumped into the fray with both cleated feet aimed down, not to crush people but to test them. I wanted to know if I had found a place that my bold tongue might be welcome. I was suspicious that this place would just be full of people raging against the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society and anything related to JWs, as people or as puppets. As often happens when one suspects something, the test they set up tends to prove their suspicions.

  But I kept coming back. I kept persevering despite receiving somewhat worse inquisition than you guys are giving defd. Then I did the unthinkable: I made myself known to my friends, the ex-JWs I recognized. This was a huge step! It is one thing to be invisible on a forum among thousands, but quite another to talk directly to an "APOSTATE!" Fortunately, I never considered them apostate anyway. Even one of them suspected my motives in posting here, which didn't surprise me much.

  Suddenly, it hit me! I could post what I really think and feel here! Without censure, because nobody knows who I am except for these two people, and one of them is almost religiously opposed to censorship!

  The freedom that I have experienced from that day forward is all really owing to Simon. For having and maintaining such a forum. For putting up with all the crap from posters who should probably be growing past this forum (guys, it isn't a bad thing to outgrow this place!). For recognizing which assistants will be most helpful in keeping this place in good shape for JWs to feel as comfortable as possible reading here. I thank you for that, Simon, and thanks to the Forum Assistants.

  Any who want to tear this site down should read this post and consider what you would be robbing the world of if you succeed. If there are other sites that meet your current needs for expressiveness better, go and enjoy them. This site fulfills a need for those still in, those on their way out, and those recently out. Please stop trying to ruin it for us.

  I am still here because I am not so far gone that I cannot relate. I am still nominally a Witness, I am under no restrictions, and I entertain Circuit Overseers in my home. I ask questions, I have opinions (on almost everything), and I can state my views in fair approximation to the way I actually feel (sometimes words don't do feelings justice).

  I am still here because unless I can get Scriptures to base JW doctrines on, I am going to DA myself. I have given the BOE (Body of Elders) and two Circuit Overseers an opportunity to answer them. I have given several individual elders an opportunity over the years. I have opened these questions up for JW lurkers or posters on the forum to answer. Shadow is due to make another attempt today in this thread: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/98798/1708287/post.ashx#1708287

  I am still here because there is a matter of honor I feel compelled to fulfill. I have benefitted from this place so much that I feel bound to help others benefit. There is emotional, mental, and (forgive me tetrapod.sapien and Terry) spiritual healing going on here that isn't really addressed on other forums. That is not to say that the other forums are better or worse, they just serve a different purpose. They are for the healed (or the unhealable), not for the wounded who have been skinned and thrown about.

  I am still here because I choose to give back to a forum that has helped me immeasurably to move forward. Why did you arrive? Why are you still here?

  Respectfully,
  OldSoul
• 

  Sam the Man

  Hi OldSoul,

  Nice story. Are you really 91?
• 

  OldSoul

  SamTheMan,

  No, that is my 1914 counter.

  OldSoul
• 

  ozziepost

  Why did I arrive? I was an inmate of H2O and Englishman suggested I try it over here in its infant days - why, there was only 500 registered posters at the time!

  The rest is history, as they say.

  When I first appeared I had some rather serious pieces and many dwelt on inaccuracies in Watchtower publications - See "Best of..." but we move on, and life nowadays is too busy in our new life to have the time available to review those Witchtower publications!

  Still, Mrs Ozzie and I are devoting our lives to helping those less fortunate than ourselves. We've had much and are towards the end of our earthly lives - it's time to "pay back" by giving to others, whether it be materuially in the Third World or by encouragement to those who were held bondage by the 'Diabolical Organisation'.
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  jgnat

  Suddenly, it hit me! I could post what I really think and feel here! Without censure, because nobody knows who I am except for these two people, and one of them is almost religiously opposed to censorship!

  Very neat epiphany! Yes, I post here to have a voice. And also to get support from the ex-JW community as the wife of a JW. I do see my own end in sight, probably in six months or so. Not just because my primary need will be satisfied, but because sometimes it can get too easy to have hoary old ones like me around to ask the tough questions and support the newcomers. I see a huge batch of "new ones" and I want to hear what they have to say, and eventually take over my role.

  I want the newbies to take over the reins.

  Before I go, I plan on recording lessons learned and deep thoughts, maybe establish a help line or two for exiting JW's and partners of JW's, and have a civilized rip-roaring debate with the athiest/agnostic thinkers here.
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  AK - Jeff

  I watched for about an hour, hardly believing how boldly people were speaking. I was used to doing that but the people close to me are never comfortable with it, hence I was a male, and "just a publisher" at 30. In JW land, there must be something wrong with you.

  Shortly after I started 'studying' with my fleshly brother, he made a sojourn of sorts to another area where he continued to become a witness. In a phone call shortly after he moved there, he told me the elder he was studying with had indicated that something was wrong with me as a witness who never made elder. [ By this time I was about 37 I guess ]

  I always had the same problem, for all of the 40 years or so that I was a witless. I always asked questions, had opinions, and generally did not think it was neccessary to 'clear' my desicions and views with the BOE. I was never 'appointed' an elder. I spent many years in the wings as a MS as I watched the YAK's [Young ass kissers] come up thru the ranks and past me.

  One of the final 'straws' was when a cocky young CO told me that the most important qualification to be elder - one that I obvously did not have, and that God did not see fit to include in the qualiifications set out in the Bible - was the ability to 'go along and get along' with the BOE. In other words one who would 'rock the boat', by questioning, even from a scriptural basis the thinking of the Almighty Body of Elders, would not be fit. I knew then that I would never qualify because he was indicating that I had to turn my brain off, and I could not see how I could help others as an automaton.

  They basicially were pissed that I dodged the 'cookie cutter' they aimed at me.

  OS - I hope you make the choices that are right - I left not due to anger, frustration, or an eagerness to pursue anything that is wrong, but due to the lack of love, compassion, correct Biblical doctrine, and the hypocritical ethics in the pedophile and UN matters.

  This forum has served to help me heal in so many ways. And to shed the JW judgmentalism that is part of the territory. I always enjoy your posts and hope we share many years here. I am thankful also to Simon and others who make this healing clinic available to us.

  Jeff
• 

  luna2

  I came here in a flurry of reading ex-JW information after a friend sent me Terry's Story. Suddenly, my world was turned upside down and even though I faded away four years ago, I had still thought it was the truth.

  This place has helped me work through so many issues...and recognise some things about myself that I need to deal with. I feel like I fit in here, which is odd, because I'm not much of a fitter-inner.

  I like the social aspect too. Perfect for a lazy person with no money. LOL
• 

  daystar

  I registered here June of this year. I had found it some months before as more of an oddity from a life I no longer live. I briefly read a few threads and then forgot about it for some months.

  My father then began expressing frustration and some anxiety about certain things in his own JW congregation. He noted, perhaps for the first time, a real lack of true love and compassion from people he and my mother had known for years and years. And with that, I chose to address something I never did when I stopped attending meetings some 15 years ago.

  I realized that when I quit the Society, I never did have anyone with which I could discuss the horror I experienced. At least, no one who could really relate. Here, on JWD, I found all of you. And while I thought that I had sufficiently healed already, I found that that was not entirely true. There are still scars and pain, and anger.

  This forum has also helped me deal with what my father is going through. It has helped give me knowledge I may use to help him, on his own, find his way out of the Watchtower's maze of lies, deception and manipulation.

  He led our family on a path that marginalized us, excluded us from the extended family, and has led all of us into emotional and psychological trauma from which recovery is a long and difficult road. I think he realizes this somewhat now. I think he may, at some point, if not now, come under the burden of almost unbearable guilt. I love my dad dearly. He will need my support and understanding, and more than anything else, my forgiveness, which I give freely. He was duped just as much as anyone.

  This is my current reasoning for being here, though at times it may not seem like it. I read much, much more here than I comment upon.
• 

  OldSoul

  AK-Jeff,

  The absence of love and compassion has been well established in my estimation. There are exceptions, but these exceptions grieve over the absence in their fellow slaves. There is a presence of nearly universally feigned love and compassion.

  Many have made comments in the meetings to the effect that they want to react one way, but they remember this or that Scripture and then act another. Everyone smiles and nods. They don't realize they are describing, and endorsing, a policy of hypocrisy. They have not changed, they have only made an outward show of the expected emotions.

  The organizational hypocrisy has also been well established, from revising history and calling it truth to a 10-year association with an organization supposedly in direct opposition to God, there is no question in my mind that the organizational hypocrisy is closely guarded, systemic, and terrible.

  Doctrine based on Scripture I am still allowing a possibility of, but a lack of that would be the "nail in the coffin" so to speak. I have been eager to see whether anyone would follow the counsel in Jude to try and snatch me out of the fire, but most JWs expect to be combatting false doctrine and seem to be taken off guard when someone honestly doubts that they are teaching true doctrine. Shadow seems to be the only lurker who is going to try and prove their doctrines.

  Oddly, the Scripture in Jude deals specifically with those who have "doubts," not those who are certain of error, and not those who are teaching a different doctrine.

  Respectfully,
  OldSoul
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  AK - Jeff

  No, that is my 1914 counter.

  OS - isn't your clock 3 days fast then? I thought October 4/5, 1914 marked the date of Jesus' return? Today would be 91 years 0 days, right?

  Jeff