Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs! (page 3)

voltaire

I had panic attacks, too. Only now, looking back, do I see that somewhere deep down in my psyche I was rebelling against something I didn't believe in.Don't fight the attacks, take them as a warning. Take care of yourself.

Ron

voltaire

I had panic attacks, too. Only now, looking back, do I see that somewhere deep down in my psyche I was rebelling against something I didn't believe in.Don't fight the attacks, take them as a warning. Take care of yourself.

Ron

DanTheMan

I never drank much when I was a JW, lots and LOTS of one-handed web surfing was my method of relieving anxiety (how's that for getting personal? lol). The first few years of JWism were ok for me as I was green as grass, but the longer time in This Old System™ went on, the more I felt like a piece of shit and a total failure as a JW and a person. I was a favorite project of various elders, it almost got to be a joke to me, bouncing around congregations and there always was some well-meaning elder trying to take me under his wing and giving me all kinds of advice, which was always to go out in field service more.

And the thing that really got to me was that I knew I was far from being the only miserable JW. I saw a lot of people like me going to the KH and pretending that everything was hunky dorey, being too ashamed to admit that we were emotional wrecks and in need of some serious healing that religious fundamentalism can never provide, if anything it just makes you all the worse. It was especially bad at circuit assemblies, I felt like I was surrounded by robots. The very thought of the London Ohio Assembly Hall makes me shudder to this day.

I remember there being so many articles in the mags about depression during the 90's, and the tone of the articles was always such that they were directed towards JW's, not casual readers who might find themselves with a Watchtower or Awake in their hands. It slowly dawned on me that Jehovah's Loving Organization™ was more like an asylum and I wanted OUT.

I won't say that I've totally reconnected or that my life is so freaking great now that I've left JW's, but I'll take my current life over that living death known as JWism any day.

Best wishes in your journey out of the borg and in overcoming the anxiety problems.

OldSoul

Give me liberty, or give me death! ~ Patrick Henry

I find solace in reading the documents and orations that led to the outbreak of the American Revolution. I don't read it for the political rhetoric, I read it for the mindset of these men who risked and/or lost their lives as treasoners for something they considered to be of value. Their appeals to conscience are, in my opinion, directly relavent to this struggle to break free from what we consider to be, in essence, oppressive governance.

oppress (e-près´) verb, transitive
oppressed, oppressing, oppresses
1. To keep down by severe and unjust use of force or authority: a people who were oppressed by tyranny.
2. To weigh heavily on: Poverty oppresses the spirit.
3. Obsolete. To overwhelm or crush.

To me it seems that the yoke of the Governing Body is neither kindly nor light. It is a shackle to a human institution that, as far as I can tell, is none of God's origin (awaiting Scriptural proof to the contrary here: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/98798/1.ashx). If their authority is not of God and they claim that it is, then any punishment or authority it exercises is unjust, and is therefore oppression.

Respectfully,
OldSoul

atypical

Gary, I read your website and all of the content on it today. I admire how far you've come and I think your info is helpful to others. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to confront your family, but I can see how that must have really been like knocking out that anxiety bully. I especially appreciated your thoughts on those of us who were raised this way and can't just peel away the affects. Your approach really got me thinking.

I can honestly say that I suffered no abuse within my family, and I have no ill feelings towards them. The problem is, I want to preserve my family situation and at the same time distance myself from the rest of the group. It's starting to seem like it isn't possible. I think even if my family could see things how I see them, they maybe couldn't handle the reality, after having so much of their life invested.

I am actually thinking of moving out of state, just so I can start fresh without constantly running into people I have known for so long. I'm just not sure if that would be a cop out.

Ron, I think you are right. It is like a warning sign. I personally believe it has something to do with not being able to say what I really think. The panic attacks are almost like I'm choking on what I really want to say.

OldSoul

The panic attacks are almost like I'm choking on what I really want to say.

((((atypical)))), stop choking. Get practice in speaking your true views here. Being able to do it outside requires practice doing it in a safe environment first. For a lot of people, that safe environment is their home. For you, you had to go out and find a safe environment because home was anything but. So, lay it on us. We are (mostly) adults, we can take it. Many of have been there. Many still are there. Many lurkers here are on their way to where you are.

You may feel that the anonymity here makes you a coward, since this is the only way you can express yourself, but you are brave. You are brave to have a thought that is yours, independent from the spoon-fed dogma. You are brave to risk exposure to the thoughts of others who have thoughts of their own. You are brave to meet these people on any level, even anonymously, and confess openly to them and yourself that you can think for yourself.

You are welcome here. Go wild!

Respectfully,
OldSoul

atypical

Thanks Old Soul. That's interesting that you study the Revolution. I have turned to studying world religion and religious history, but I think it is really for the same reasons - fascination with the social pressure that can literally break huge numbers of people, and even more fascination with the few who take their stand against popular opinion. And you are right, it does feel good to actually say how I feel, even if it is from the safety of my computer. Baby steps, Bob, baby steps

jaffacake

Atypical, A very Warm Welcome. Its great to have you talk with us.

GetBusyLiving

:I personally believe it has something to do with not being able to say what I really think.

Hey Atypical, welcome to the board man.

I know exactly where you and guys like Gary are coming from. I went through years of secret depression in the Jehovah's. I could never express how I really felt and it was tearing me up inside. Towards the end I just felt like barfing at the thought of having to sit through another meeting of bullshit and having to put up an act around all of the people at the hall. Whenever I would hear something that I couldnt buy being said on the platform I would break out in a cold sweat and I'm sure, like you, I would have had a panic attack if I had to comment and sell myself out by saying something that I didn't believe.

Welcome to the board. It was, and still is, like a breath of fresh air being able to be myself around this place. I wish you peace my friend. PM me if you ever want to chat.

GBL

Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs!

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