Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs! (page 2)

Honesty

Welcome (((((atypical)))))

I too drowned my anxieties and doubts about the Watchtower in gallon after gallon of alcohol and bottle after bottle of prescrbed anti-depressants. I spent 2 1/2 years in therapy for a disorder known as cognitive dissonance. When I finally woke up and saw for myself that the destructive behavior was being brought on by conforming to a very flawed religious belief system I started healing. The first step was a slow fade which proved unsuccessful because I was married to a 'raised in da troof' Super JW who is equipped better than Jesus to see other's hearts and secret intentions. However, after an excruciatingly bumpy trip down a long and winding road I am free of alcohol, anti-depressants, mental therapy, the Super Dub wife and most importantly have been able to cast the Witchtower Babble and Trick Society into the proverbial trashcan where I dispense dissertations exposing its false doctrines and directives on the apostate Governing Body of JW's.

tall penguin

Welcome atypical. It takes a lot of courage to come here and share yourself with us. Thank you.
tp

horrible life

All you have to do is type. We will listen. Welcome. HL

atypical

Thanks everyone for your warm comments. I was feeling a little embarrassed after posting, wondering if I got too personal, but reading your comments really lifted me up. It is amazing to be able to share a problem and not be told that I am not "spiritual" enough. To answer one question, Balsam, the anxiety started only in jw situations, but it rapidly spread to other areas of my life. I got to the point, while I was still trying to pioneer, that I could not even leave a message on anyone's answering machine. I also avoided many meetings at work where I was afraid I might be asked to read or speak. I do think you are right, that I maybe need to talk to a professional to help me work things out. It's hard to get out of the mentality that says you don't need professionals if you are busy enough in the congregation, even when you know that's a load of crap.

Old Soul, I think you are so right. Not being able to say what we really think, not allowing ourselves to be an individual, can have a very damaging effect. Gary, I really identify with what you went through. Even going to someone's house for dinner was enough to cause nightmares, worrying that I would be asked to say the prayer. I wonder how many others have dealt with this problem.

Thanks again everyone. I really can't tell you how much your replies mean to me.

Finally-Free

Welcome Atypical!

~~If you want things to improve you need to study harder, attend all meetings, and get your ass out into service!!!~~

oops. I forgot, I'm not in the kingdom hall now.

It's nice to go somewhere where you can express yourself honestly without having people jump down your throat, eh?

W

enigmatic

welcome atypical!

kazar

Welcome to the board, Atypical. You will like it here. Your story is similar to many of ours. I was not raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses but I began to have panic attacks which eventually led to a complete break with reality. I began seeing a therapist, but instead of listening to him I tried to convert him to Jehovah's Witnesses even though I had lost much of my faith. I was not given any sort of comfort by the Witnesses; instead, they said I was spiritually weak, I didn't have enough faith in Jehovah, or I was guilty of serious sin which I was not confessing. Anyway, this forum helped me to make the break completely. All of my anxiety attacks were caused by my own doubts colliding with the reality of what the organization really was -- not the truth. Anyway, I wish you the best. Keep coming here and we will help you, too.

Es

welcome to the board, i enjoyed reading your story, and am sorry that you have had to go through all that.

I look forward to hearing more from you

es

atypical

Yes, the "you must have a secret sin or a guilty conscience" spiel. Even way back before I started having doubts, it was easy to see the flaw in that argument. I personally knew many who were guilty of various "crimes" which would have been punishable by committee, and yet they seemed to have no trouble getting on the platform. If anything, they seemed to enjoy any chance to grab the limelight. It's funny though, when you feel you are the one with the problem. I remember thinking to myself, "Is there a secret sin I'm forgetting? Do I feel guilty because I own that Fleetwood Mac CD? I did say a curseword once under my breath, maybe I am being punished!" How superstitious, really!

garybuss

Gary, I really identify with what you went through. Even going to someone's house for dinner was enough to cause nightmares, worrying that I would be asked to say the prayer.

Yup! Been there, done that. I couldn't answer my own telephone. A ringing phone would give me an anxiety attack every single time. Later I could make phone calls pretty well but still I couldn't pick up a ringing phone and say hello.
It's all in my past now but I suffered for many decades. The last little bit of social fear left after I confronted my parents in 1995. It was all tied to the constant abuse delivered by my parents and the stress of trying to please Witness people. The physical abuse from my parents started with Witness activity, sleep was fragmented due to late meetings and service nights, and I was under incredible stress at public school. My way to react to it all was neurotic things like bedwetting, biting fingernails, stuttering, and social anxiety.
Every time I went in public as a small child I was embarrassed, abused, sleep deprived, or threatened. It's no wonder I developed an anxiety problem associated with groups.
I'm grateful there was a solution. It's interesting the solution required me to disassemble my whole life and confront my Witness relatives. Now they're all pissed and I feel better.

Limping on two opinions - mine and theirs!

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