they called me to identify the body

by kittyeatzjdubs 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat

    Co-worker, right? Let it go. See my comment above. Don't obssess over the nuts. Find the "normals" and hang out with them.

  • kittyeatzjdubs
    Find the "normals" and hang out with them.

    ah...but here is where my problem i stated before, i've been friends w/ this person since 3rd grade....we didn't see each other for about 3 years after i moved....when i moved in w/ matt, i hunted her down and got back in touch...i'm the one who told my boss about her, so that she could have a normal 9-5 job instead of working the graveyard shift at walmart.

    so how do u tell a lifelong friend (or what u thought was a friend) that it has become very clear that they're full of $hit?

  • jgnat

    Smile and decline, smile and decline. If she figures it out and calls you on it, tell her she tells stories and you are better off as an acquaintance than a friend.

    This happened to me, though not at work. I got used by a user. The woman called in all her "obligation" cards with me. Old times and all that. How smart and saintly and bright and charming and well-educated and misunderstood she was. Meanwhile, she was the "mother from hell" who had 3/4 of her children removed from her before she finally kicked out her loser-drug-dependent husband. She cried crocodile tears - not over her lost children - but over what people would think of her. And over her loser-drug-dependent husband who found a replacement chickie within 24 hours of kicking him out. I finally caught on and started declining any requests for help. She called me on it. I told her I wouldn't help her any more because she had major problems and I didn't want be around to watch her deep-six her life. She huffed, "You will have to pray about that!" and hung up. She hasn't called back since.


    See? Rejected by a loser. Win-win.

    It is bad to mess up people politics with work. An employer doesn't have time to work out who is at fault and will usually fire both problems. Your primary goal is to distance yourself from this lady and not be a problem to your boss.

  • Scully


    You don't want her accusing you of "persecuting" you or creating a hostile working environment. Don't give her any excuse for more "drama".

    On the other hand, I'm a firm believer that everyone has the right to not be subjected to a hostile work environment.

    Considering that this co-worker is

    • a pathological liar
    • most likely an alcoholic
    • most likely a drug user
    • doing all three with the intent of getting paid leave from work (sick leave, bereavement, whatever)

    she is creating a hostile work environment for her co-workers. They're the ones who have to cover for her in her absence, do her work in her absence and they can never trust her because she's a pathological liar.

    She needs a little help to hit "rock bottom". I'd be inclined (if I were the boss, that is) to choose her first day back as her day for doing a "random" drug screen.

  • Billygoat


    so how do u tell a lifelong friend (or what u thought was a friend) that it has become very clear that they're full of $hit?

    I'm struggling with the same issue with a friend of mine.

    Her constant stories and behavior are really starting to bother me. Right now, I nod politely and listen, but the whole time I'm thinking, "Are you joking? Do you think anyone REALLY believes this crap? We're not idiots." When the story gets changed from day to day or she can't remember details of a story from a week ago, it really makes me realize I'm not crazy. I'm trying to focus on her good qualities, but the bad stuff is something I have to deal with everytime I see her. It truly is exhausting. I'm afraid she is the type of person when someone brings something negative to her attention, that she fights like a cornered tasmanian devil. (It becomes an illogical argument, becomes personal, and it's terribly ugly.)

    Pathological liars and addicts have a tendency to do that when cornered. I'd tread carefully if I were you. Whatever you do, don't bring up this personal stuff at work. It will definitely lead to a hostile working environment. I might just pull back on the friendship a bit. Healthy friends don't lie like this and have a way of trapping themselves so badly they expose themselves to everyone. Eventually, she'll find someone else to listen to her lies and you hopefully you don't have to deal with her much.

    The lesson I've learned: My perspective of the relationship was "friends", but it's had to change. Friends are always honest. If that's okay with her to live in a life of dishonesty...fine. That's just not what I want in a friend. I'm having a hard time because a few days ago I felt it my obligation to share with her my opinion about her behavior...because she was my friend. But since she doesn't seem to look at the relationship the same way, then I can't cross that line. It's not my responsibilty and my desire to tell her off would only make things worse. So I'm pulling away. (Not answering phone calls, not visiting, hopefully over time it'll be a nice little fade.)

    Best of luck!


  • jgnat

    Agreed, Scully. If I were this woman's boss (I'm not blind or stupid) I'd be finding ways to put the thumbscrews on. Kittyeatsjdubs though, is a co-worker. I fear if she makes this woman a personal project, she might interfere with what the boss doing. When this woman implodes, the best place for co-workers is far, far away.

  • sandy

    <div>I agree with eveyone who has told you to ignore the girl's behavior. I am sure your employer notices too and will solve the situation, hopefully sooner than later.

    About calling the family vs friends: I am not an expert but as someone mentioned the Police do the contacting not the Coroner.

    Also FYI: You can put "ICE" (In Case of Emergency) on your cell phone with the number of the person you want to be contacted. The athorities and medical people know to look for this info.
    My honey works for the Sheriff here in California and he confirmed this info with an officer.

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